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humorist-workshop
Should I give up?
I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 3 years. He just turned 38 and I am 32. He knows I want a partner and a family. We had fun traveling quite a bit because we are both adventurous and he has not had a stable place (rent or own) for like 4 years now. Since before we were together he’s been a nomad.
I left my place 2 years ago because my work contract was ending and we’ve been “nomadic” ever since going to different places. I work remote too right now. But I want to settle down, I’m not asking him for marriage even just yet but I want to be in one place with him. He says we can’t get married until we’ve lived together, which makes some sense.
But he’s not willing to move in together because he says that I don’t make enough money, and that his salary cannot support both of us. Now he makes a lot of money by my standards. I know life is expensive. But to put it in context he makes enough money to where he can live out of hotels and go skiing and buy whatever he wants so money is not an issue for him but according to him, it’s not enough for two people to live in an apartment. It’s only enough to sustain one lifestyle.
Although I don’t make nearly as close to what he does, I still do make my own money and I would be willing to contribute what I can to things so I don’t see why money is the issue here. But he continues to say that I need to get a higher paying salary for us to be able to realistically afford life together .
Instead of being with me and moving forward to settle down or find a job he is now skiing and going off and doing other activities which I used to join him in, but lately I haven’t joined him because I’m trying to move on with life and and settle down and find a job that pays more , you can’t do that if you’re off adventuring and traveling but he continues to do so and he claims its for his mental health.
I’m at the point where I’m starting to doubt everything that he says even though he says he wants to settle down none of his actions show it. He’s off skiing right now for example, for two months while I’m staying with my parents and trying to look for a better job. It’s gotten kind of ridiculous to the point where I cannot explain his actions to anyone, they just don’t make sense.
But he works so hard to convince me that his thinking is logical even going in so far to say that I’m unrealistic with how expensive life is and I don’t realize it takes much more than what I make to survive. To give you an idea, I make much more than minimum wage and people survive on minimum wage, it’s not ideal, but it can be done. And he makes over 6 figures so it’s just a little ridiculous of an excuse to me.
Is this relationship over and he just doesn’t have the guts to tell me? Should I just end it? I really don’t know what to do. He says he wants to be with me, he says he wants to move on with life and settle down. He says he loves me. He doesn’t want us to give up trying to be together. I don’t get it!!
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I realize you said both of you are now nomadic but it sounds like he was that way before you met and that you only joined in as a way to try to fit into his lifestyle and be with him. If I understand correctly, this nomadic style of his is made up of hotels, motels, probably hostels and such. If this is so, you are lacking a place of your own while still being nomadic. If this is something you truly want to do, and marry and have children, it can be done. Of course you'd be stuck being in one continent where you can travel by whatever large vehicle outfitted to be a home on wheels. I have been drawn to this sort of life, but it takes a little more than our current situation would allow, although we still hope it will someday happen. I have read of couples married and having a bus that they purchased and re-outfitted to be a home with bunk beds for kids. Due to the traveling, the kids are home schooled so you'd have to be willing to do so. If the boyfriend were presented with this idea and you were willing, I wonder if with all obstacles out of the way, he would still be willing to marry you. Or is he just spouting a list of things he thinks will make plausible excuses to keep from making that commitment. Decide what you can live with, present it to him, and if its not good enough for him, then I'd have to say, it's likely a dead end relationship. He may not be strong enough to pull out, even if not happy with what you propose. So if he doesn't, then yes, you will have to. Sorry to hear about all that. If interested in reading and watching videos of what people have done to live a nomadic lifestyle, even in in vans, then look up "Cheap RV Living" started by Bob Wells who is now considered the grandfather of nomadic living in homes on wheels.
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