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Do I tell my husband I am using birth control?
Me = 23F
Husband = 26F
We have been married for 1 year, dating for 3 years. The whole time my husband and his family and my parents have been very open about wanting us to have kids. I have gone along with that and kept to myself fact I do not actually want to have kids. I did not want to disappoint him and or everyone else so I just kept using birth control after the wedding and during this whole time we supposedly have been trying to have a baby. I have used sex to distract him and keep him feeling like we are making the effort. I pretended to get myself checked when we were not conceiving and he had his doctor do a sperm count test and he is fine. I feel rotten I made him doubt himself. His older brothers are giving him a hard time about not "doing it right" and "shooting blanks" so it was mainly to shut them up. But the pressure is building. I should have told him before we were married but I was afraid of losing him. I think he would forgive me but then he will be so eager to try for kids and I do not think I want to be a mom. It is selfish, but I just want it to be him and me. How long do I go on playing games making him think all this sex is about trying to get pregnant? The sex is fun but it is like I see the hope in his face each time and then like it is a personal failure for him when we do a pregnancy test, but he ends up comforting me. It is so messed up. How do I get out of this?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Oh dear, what a problem this is! When I counsel women on how to find the right partner to marry, I first suggest making sure that you have a list of "Must haves" for the guy, things there are no way to compromise on. For many, this category has ones religion, ideas on how to spend money, and having or not having children. It is okay to not ever want to have kids. I have one daughter much older than you who knew she didn't want to ever have kids. Her boyfriend is okay with that. It is unfair to him to keep this secret, something that he wants. What the inlaws want should not affect any decisions of yours, as you are adults and if grandkids are not in their future, maybe due to medical problems, then so be it. But lying or keeping this a secret is not going to help. I can't say how it will turn out if you tell him but just think of how it will affect him, either now or later if he finds out eventually, will his trust in you be broken, is that a big enough deal for him to divorce? You have a lot to think about, and none of it, are easy decisions to make or easy to do, but I would suggest coming clean with him. You never know, he may like the idea of kids but not necessarily have his heart set on it so dearly. So it is best to let him know and then deal with whatever fall out there is.
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