|
How do I move forward?
23 f
Ok so before I start let me just say I am writing this as I think about it so it may be a little all over. So in March I got this message on a language app from this guy. But really I was receiving a lot of messages so I would reply really late etc. But his messages stood out because he was actually trying to teach me about his culture and about the language I am learning. So one day I said that we should make a call since then we can actually have a conversation. We did eventually talk on the phone and eventually by a video call. It was not boring and soon enough we talked everyday for months. Literally every day. Obviously then I started to have a crush on him and I told him. He admitted that he does have a crush on me since the first video call. We just continued talking but then I realized that he was actually falling for me even more than I had for him. He would always try to get to know me (still does ) and when he spoke of the future he would include me subtly or without thinking. It wasn’t like he was flirting but I could tell he thought about it and honestly saw these things happening. Fast forward to a few weeks ago we were talking on the phone and well I brought up the fact that we spoke way too much especially since we aren’t dating and cannot date because of several reasons. I’ll discuss the reason in a bit. He told me that he agreed and was also thinking the same thing because he was talking to his friend about things like getting married and stuff and in that moment he realized that during the conversation he was thinking about me and that we should try to meet and figure out how we can be together given the distance. So his concern was really the distance but mine is the difference in religious beliefs and way of life. No I will not go against what I believe for him because it won’t make sense. I have seen a proof that it doesn’t work and he also agreed that my reasons are valid. So we discussed every other possibility and he agreed to try to see if he can conform to my beliefs if it is something he wants since he doesn’t know about it. However, I just don’t feel like this is going to happen and I feel terrible. During our talk he was sincere and said everything I would have dreamt but then this is just words. I am not going to force him to do anything especially something so big but if he doesn’t us talking don’t make sense because I can’t be just his friend. I had plans before meeting to travel to his country and I have cancelled them. Instead I am living in another country that is between my original county and his . So distance is the issue. Again he does agree that is being together with the different beliefs is not something that helps either of us. But then I feel like he wants to settle down with me because he kept saying that the goals that I have and the way I think is how he views thing now that he is 33 and that he wasted his youth. So I feel like I was just the girl that happen to stumble upon him and nothing else. But then he keeps thinking he is being selfish but he is not sure. I don’t know if this part is sincere or not .
My question is then if I wait to see he keeps his word and tries to learn bout my beliefs when is a good time to walk away if he seems to be stringing me along waiting for me to change my mind ?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
He can say or promise anything over the pc or over the phone but the problem with long distance relationships are: you can't know if the other person is really telling the truth, embellishing on anything they share, have changed faiths or are pretending on line until they falsely convince you, or whether there is even the kind of chemistry needed for friendship and marriage if it comes to that. I understand what you are saying. After a divorce, I talked with a long distance guy daily over months. He was separated, so we met in person and yes there was chemistry. Sadly, we had to part when his wife wanted to get back with him and he also wanted to more for her sake than his. I have also thought I had chemistry with a guy, on the phone, talking and seemed to have much in common. But when we finally met in person, there was no chemistry for me. Another time a guy walked in to the restaurant we were to eat at, I was waiting in front. The moment our eyes met, we both knew there was no chemistry as he immediately said, 'this isn't going to work out, is it?' If you can't meet someone in person, then it is better to not try something with an LDR. Besides, if this guy is such a catch, why isn't he able to find a local girl. Could there be something immediately obvious that girls won't date him once they meet in person? Yes, there may be nothing wrong but chances are high that any flaws of his are easier to hide long distance. Also, for some, changing of faith doesn't apply or mean anything because they may not have ever been deep in their own faith. If one was, it would be hard to change. If someone were to want me to change from being a Christian, I wouldn't do it. If he said he'd become a Christian then, that's just words, not action. You can't see what he is doing, whether he really has a personal relationship with Jesus, is praying daily, taking time to talk to God, read the bible, that sort of stuff. You just can't know. When I finally found the guy I thought was a pretty good deal after my divorce, he said things about himself, like character traits and such which I began to look for when I saw him often, I had to see for myself, those traits, beliefs in action to know he was telling the truth. That is why I am with him today.
]
More Questions: |