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Husband is upset about an issue that does not bother me
My husband is very upset about our neighbor directly behind us. This neighbor’s yard is a complete mess – piles of sticks, logs, multiple compost piles, and lots of very overgrown plants. I agree that this is totally out of line (as do our friends/relatives that have come over and seen it), but I am also able to make my peace with it and concentrate on other issues in my life that I have more control over. This is a huge issue for my husband. He can’t stand it so much that he occasionally considers selling our house and moving. He has called the village to complain and has been working with them, but that has had very little impact on the yard so far. My husband then gets angry with me because it doesn’t bother me. I know he feels like I am not on his side. I just want peace in my world and I try to get along with others as best as I can. I feel like I am supposed to learn how to be an angrier person in order to make my husband happy. How am I supposed to respond to him? I usually tell him that I understand why he is upset and sympathize with him, but no answer or reason has been satisfactory so far so I am not sure what to do. I believe that he should be able to have an issue with someone and that can be his thing; meanwhile, I could have things of my own going on that are of no concern to him.
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Usually when there is something inside our character that needs fixing, it is those exact same things we react to and get upset about in our world. Yes, the neighbor could have a tidier yard, but unless it is dangerous to you, such as it is attracting rats that then come into your yard, then there is nothing a neighbor can do unless there is a local law that demands a home owners property be cleanly and organized. If there are such laws in your area, then your husband can talk to the authorities and explain what is going on. Even if it were resolved and the neighbors yard were clean, I must point back to the beginning of my response. I have a feeling that your husband would soon find something else to complain about, even if he is right, there will be things that at a subconscious level irritate him as they remind him that there is something wrong with him.
I have lived through something like this. A husband who would complain to me about friends of ours, and when I did not seem concerned, he got angry at me saying I did not care. He wanted to get a reaction out of me, so he blurted out that he was so upset he just might get out his gun and shoot himself. When he wasn't around, I made sure to hide the key to our gun safe. I eventually divorced as he verbally abused me the entire marriage. But I know how hopeless it feels, when someone is making it seem they will only be happy if you respond the way they want you to. If he is a good man in all other things, then he is worth fighting for. A friend who used to be a counselor suggested to my husband that he go to a psychologist to get help and explained why, and what he saw in my husband. So the husband fearing losing me, went with me as we began to check out different therapists, and we chose one. Then he was supposed to start going, but I overheard him on phone telling someone that he only pretended to go to fool me, but wouldn't go because he knew there was nothing wrong with him. I saw then that no matter what I said or did, it would have no effect on him. I remarried but he has had a string of girlfriends who end up leaving him. One of the latest told a daughter of ours that she has some training but not a degree in psychology however sees some behavioral problems with him and believes he may have Aspergers syndrome, which falls under the many different aspects of Autism. I knew a gal in High School with Aspergers and tho I believe he doesn't have it, he knows as well that something is not quite normal with him and has hidden it well from the public but felt too exposed at home with someone who knew him well enough to possibly find out so he did lots of finger pointing at me, even telling our Pastor that I had a problem and needed counseling. I only found out after the Pastor observed me handling a situation with the church secretary in a compassionate way, even sharing tears with her and knew I was nothing like my husband painted me to be and told me so. Although divorced, I still pray for the ex, as I realized he has a difficult life ahead and is so easily distracted by whatever entertaining thing might come his way. I just wanted you to know that I understand in a way what you are dealing with. I have no advice for you as unfortunately even human being must make their own choices, whether good or bad. However, I pray as that is the only thing I can proactively do. I do not see results yet but feel God wants me to trust and keep praying. I hope all turns out well for you.
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