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Boyfriend doesn't have time for dates anymore
Me and my boyfriend got together last spring, but we've known each other for about 5 years now. At first, it was amazing, but shortly after getting together, he got a second job. How he's working his regular full time job Monday thru Friday, then he's on call for his second job from Friday at 6 to Sunday at 4. And that's just when he's on call. If he gets a call at 3:45, he still has to go and often spends about 3 hours per call. This has led to a complete stagnation with plans and dates. We can't go out anymore because things will be closed by the time we drive to them and can't plan anything ahead of time because he might get a last minute call. I've noticed I've grown resentful of the fact it feels like we can't do any outings anymore. I see photos and videos of dates my friends go on to parks or museums and the beach and I just get so jealous and sad. I truly love him, but I don't know how I can talk to him about this without sounding selfish.
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I know this is old and thought someone else had answered but it doesn't seem that is the case. So better late than never. THe first problem is your not mentioning to him how this makes you feel. Guys don't tend to pick up on subtle clues easily and need to be told. When telling, no beating around the bush, just make it clear. Another thing you may want him to consider is asking what would happen if he were hospitalized for emergency surgery, you know, like appendix or injured in a car accident....and who would pick up the slack then. There could be two things going on in his mind, either that they would fire him if he said he could not come in or that he is a work a holic, which is what I battle with my husband but in my case he does find time for me, he is over working his body at his age and I fear it will end up crippling him, wheelchair bound or worse, death.
If yours in doing so because he is a work a holic, you can talk til you're blue in the face and it will not change a thing depending on how self driven he is to work. I have this with a husband and I have divorced once, don't want to do it again so I put up with it. If you find that after talking with him, nothing improves, then you have decisions to make. You are not married and can easily physically at least, move out of the relationship, it isn't so easy on the heart. We tend to be on the poor side and don't go out anywhere hardly ever, only when we volunteer at a church community dinner program weekly. But the time I have at home with him is good and he treats me good too. If you need more getting out to go places, find a single girlfriend and start doing these things with her. If it doesn't matter who is your companion for getting out and doing things, then this solves your issue. If it has to be him, possibly negotiate for one plan a month that he can not drop if he is called on weekend. If he can't see himself doing that, it would seem his part time job on weekends is the problem and he needs to find something else to replace it. That should be fairly easy as so many have taken to starting their own business since the pandemic and employers are having trouble filling positions. All I have said to you, needs to be communicated in some way to him. Perhaps he has no idea what else to try and your talking about it will give him some direction to take or things to try.
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