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My boyfriend broke up with me !
I am a 34 year old female and I was this amazing guy for almost 11 months and out of the blew he calls me on his way home from work and says we need to talk. I knew when he said that it wasn't good . He picked up from my mom's house where I live and I get in the car and saw the look on his face like he was about to cry and I said you are about to break up with me aren't you? He says yes. He says I didn't do anything wrong he just fell out of love , but the thing is up until the time he picked me up to tell me there were no signs. We never fought. Everything seemed great. He does have Bipolar disorder. But he never got mad . He just got real happy one minute and really depressed the next . He still wants to be friends. I am going through so mixed emotions right now. I sleep all the time . I can barely keep anything down that I eat or drink. I have been seeing a counselor ever since the break up. He says if ever need just to call . I am so confused. Why would he break up with me and still be supportive? He promised me that the only way he would leave me is if I cheated. I didn't do that. He said he didn't think it was fair for me to be in the relationship with a guy who didn't feel the same way I did about him . He didn't want want to lead me on. He waited a couple of weeks to tell me to make sure it wasn't his Bipolar disorder but he still felt the same way after a couple of weeks. I tell my mom for support and comfort and she says he is a jerk for breaking up with me when I didn't do anything no fight . She sends him a FB message saying that he was wrong for telling me spur of the moment like that . I wish she would have stayed out of it. He says he understands why she didn't it because I am autistic he says all she she said was I loved him with a pure and innocent heart and he said she right ,but he didn't feel the same way anymore. What do ido to fix my broken heart ? He was my first love. Mom didn't want me to talk to him until my heart heals. Is right or is she being over protective because of my autism, sensory processing disorder and anxiety? Do I need to get my counselor to send me to a mental health hospital. Help!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I know this will sound off track but it isn't, I promise. Now think back to when you were a kid and hoping real hard that you would get what you wanted for a Birthday or Christmas. You wanted it so bad you could almost taste it. Well, once you got it, you had fun every day, then eventually it wasn't every day but a couple times a week, then once a week and eventually you forgot all about it because in truth, that item wasn't really perfect for you or it would have held your attention long term. This is what I can best explain about chemistry When two people get so excited about each other in the beginning, that is called NRE, New Relationship Energy. Can't remember where I read about it but I have experienced it. You are so excited in the beginning. This NRE is almost like a drug in the 'high' it gives a person over a new relationship. If the chemistry is there for friendship, that is good but in a romantic relationship there needs to be a second chemistry higher than that, the kind that brings intimacy and sexual love for the other person. Sometimes both will feel it, the lack of chemistry, and sometimes only one such as in your situation. Your boyfriend felt it. He waited to make sure it wasn't his bipolar which really wouldn't affect something like this. The dwindling of that same kind of energy he felt at first was so subtle that he didn't notice and therefore acted as if everything was still the same. But at some point in looking back to the beginning to how he felt now, he could see the change and realized he no longer felt that chemistry (because there never really was, just NRE) So he had to tell you the best he could understand, the best most humans can understand, that he fell out of love. There is no blame on either of you, neither of you had to do something wrong, but eventually the excitement of the new relationship wore off and there was no chemistry to keep it going on. His saying he'd like to be friends still may be genuine and nothing weird. He probably does eel friendship chemistry...why you connect with certain people as friends and not others, no matter how nice they are. That explains one thing.
Now on to your reaction. If you are sleeping all the time, most likely you are depressed from feeling blindsided by this all. Happened to one of my daughters. I had family in my life who were clinically depressed and others like my daughter who was only situationally depressed. I studied and read up on all this but found it in bits and pieces here and there. So I will have to explain instead of refer you to a page that explains all.
Our brains are constructed to be able to keep on producing 'feel good' hormones which help us deal with stress on a daily basis. These hormones are like the gas we put in our car that makes it work. If the tank is empty, the car won't run. Same if you use up all your stores of 'feel good' hormones, and don't do what is the equivalent of putting gas in your car, being empty, the next stressful event in your life sends you straight to depression. Does a person need pills to handle a situational depression, I haven't heard of any yet. I did get most of what I know from reading books by a dr David D. Burns who used to prescribe drugs to all his patients until a colleague told him about a new way to counsel, using CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. His books and website explain more so I will post that here for you at the end. I have read what a person must do to get their body building up the stores of hormones you lost dealing with stress. Life is stressful, even driving to work, having to be watchful of bad drivers out there not to mention lots of other stuff. I came across a list of what helps the body kick start the production of much needed 'feel good' hormones. Movement is one. In any form, walking, jogging, dancing, exercise, so I choose skipping as i used to do as a child. In seconds, I was already giggling and feeling better. Along with dancing is listening to music where the melody of the song makes your heart feel light, like a balloon that might float out of your chest. Singing such songs also works. For example, songs melodies that work for me are Clocks by Coldplay and a Newsboys song, Live with Abandon. Another is giving a hug, because you can't give one without getting one back. If you know any huggy sorts, ask them for a hug and don't make it the 2 second loose hug but a real bear hug where you hold on for 5 seconds or more. This kind of hug also helps the body start producing feel good hormones. Last is meditation, not the middle Eastern philosophy kind but just taking time to quiet your mind and think of pleasant things, happy memories or even pray if you so believe. If you don't believe this stuff yet, here's the best part of the story. My daughter got this list from me, but didn't believe it could help. So through her job, she took her one free visit to a Psychologist to see what they could do for her. Since this person knew her's was a situational depression, not depression she's had long term unrelated to the recent event, and the fact that she couldn't afford to come back for multiple visits, the Dr. gave her a list of things she could do to feel better. It was the exact stuff I had tried to tell her about, the same things I am sharing with you. If you do all these things and there is no improvement what so ever, then it may be that you have clinical depression, meaning a body born without the ability to produce its own feel good hormones. Only then would you need to see someone, but I still would suggest someone trained in CBT which has now been around at least 40 years or more. Lastly I am posting the link to the website of Dr. David D. Burns which not surprisingly has the words feeling good in it.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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