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Very indecisive!
Hello,
So to keep it short, my sister passed away a few months ago at the start of the year and it has been devastating to say the least. My wedding is in the summer and it is a few months away. At first I wanted to postpone it a year, however, because of my family's circumstances and us always being abroad and away from one another, we decided it would just be best to have a small "reception" instead of a big wedding sometime in the summer so that me and my soon to be husband can live together since we have been waiting for that for a while.
It was a very hard decision for me to make as me and my family are grieving and we are such a close and big family. The thing is, I am okay with my decision because I know that things need to move froward and that I need to start my new life with my husband. So that decision has already been made, to throw a small reception in the summer. It will be 6 months from my sister's passing and my family encouraged me to do this and want to see me go off and get married.
The thing is, I am really not in the best state of mind and can't imagine going on a honeymoon and traveling just yet. It has been hard enough planning this reception and doing all these things while I grieve, however, I am doing this because I dont want to look back and think to myself that I didnt try enough to make a nice reception for me and my husband.
My husband keeps telling me that we can postpone our honeymoon for next year and go on a "road trip" somewhere inside the country right after our reception instead of traveling if I feel like im not ready, and I was okay with that idea. He told me that we can postpone our honeymoon and instead we can travel somewhere really nice and romantic on our wedding anniversary next year. This was a sweet idea that he presented and
I don't mind doing that, but because I am a really indecisive person in general, I keep thinking that what If I regret not having a proper honeymoon.
I know that this may sound silly, but I think subconsciously I am comparing myself to his ex wife who he had his honeymoon with in Bora Bora.
He said it was the worst times of his life, since they got divorced very quickly after they got married due to many reasons, so he doesn't have a special memory about that. However, I feel like if I dont go, I won't experience traveling with him like I want to. But I also don't know if i want to go when my mood is in constant up and down and I feel like it wouldn't be right to go on a honeymoon when my family is still in pain back at home and grieving. I dont know if that makes sense. But I am having so many conflicting thoughts and feelings towards this situation and I really cant think straight or know what to do!
Unfortunately, I know that no one can help me make a decision like this and that this is something for me to try to think through myself. But I think I am just looking for any kind of reassurance that what I am feeling is normal and that it's normal for me to feel like I don't want to not go on a trip like that because I am worried that I wont enjoy it to the fullest with my husband. I know that he will be wanting to do so many things and roam around, have amazing night life experiences and I dont know if i would enjoy that with what I am going through.
Any thoughts? Any opinions and thoughts to help ease my mind will be really helpful for me at this point.
Thank you so much and I am sorry if this is long! :) xo
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Not long at all. Thanks for being so open to share all details. So first, my condolences on the passing of your sister. No matter what reason she passed on from, she is happy in heaven looking down and watching you and rest of family. For those with Near death experiences, the story is always the same as far as how they feel. They feel so happy and free and they do watch to see how family members are doing. She likely regrets that her death came at a close time to your wedding and understands you are grieving, but most likely she may hope that there is little affect on your ceremonies. I believe you are a very intelligent wise person since you are looking how you will be doing emotionally. Talk about emotional yoyo affect, one moment happy due to marrying your sweetheart followed by another where you have a memory of your sister and begin weeping. For the money spent on a honeymoon trip, it would be a shame if you couldn't enjoy it to its full worth, so the idea of a smaller something special locally may be the best move. Then the both of you could plan to go instead on your 1st anniversary and you'd both be happier knowing you waited.
The one caution I mention is that being pregnant or having a newborn if you were to get pregnant at the start, would interfere with that plan so both of you need to take precaution,, like being on the pill, using an IUD or some other form of birth control. You could then start for trying for a child after the postponed trip is over or longer if you both have planned to wait.
The Wedding should still be held. People attending will know that your sister is no longer around. I have seen people place a framed close up portrait of the passed love one at the wedding since they can't be there in person, a way to include her presence at the wedding. If she was to have a job or position at the wedding, like a bridesmaid, then perhaps that portrait on an easel type of stand up on stage near the bridesmaids would commemorate her and how sad you are she isn't there to fulfill her bridesmaid job. When its a parent who died, usually people place the portrait in one of the chairs up front reserved for family. However, not everyone sees it then. But this is just a suggestion. One way or another, I am pretty sure she will be present in spirit at your wedding. Of people with NDE's, while temporarily dead, stories of relatives surprising them with details of weddings and births and other grand events are told. Yes, they do watch and often will come be present. Just expect that she is there to witness your marriage hon. And take that smaller road trip honeymoon now and wait a year to go on a grand vacation when you've had some time to grieve and at least get past the shock of it.
Don't even try to worry and compare your honeymoon to that of your fiance and his ex. Some people may be great people but when married to the wrong person, it's a disaster. I'm hopeful he learned something from it and is making a great choice now the second time around. And lastly, congratulations on your upcoming marriage.
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