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Should I tell my family that i have a bf when they told me I can't yet?
I am a younger person, my family says i can't date till I'm am 16 (i have a few years to go still), but I have a boyfriend and i love him with all my heart I haven't meet him in real life yet but i know what he looks like. I wouldn't say my family is strict but I'm just worried if i tell them about our relationship they will make us brake up.
Should I tell my family?
(his family knows about us and is happy for him)
I wouldn't like to say my age but I am female.
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You should talk to your family.
For one, you have no one to protect you. For example, if you were dating your boyfriend and you were involved in an incident or accident, your family would not know where you are or if you are safe. Even if your boyfriend tries to help you, there is nothing he can do if he doesn't have your contact information. Right? To avoid such a worst-case scenario, you should talk to him.
Secondly, what is your family worried about? Maybe it's about sex, maybe it's about getting involved in drugs. You may think it's fine, but your family won't know about your boyfriend, will they? You should promise to write that you won't have sexual intercourse with your family, you won't get involved in drugs, you won't do anything that your family is worried about, and so on. No one can stop you from falling in love, but you should stick to the bare minimum. You are still someone to be protected.
Finally, it is what you want to be with your boyfriend. If you break up that you are dating in secret, your family will be angry. But you can reduce that risk by communicating your feelings to your family and having a dialogue with them. It's not just about you and your boyfriend, it could destroy the relationship between you and your family. Be brave and tell them.
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Hon, there are two issues here, one is breaking their trust in you by you breaking their rule and the second is your safety. When my girls were end of middle school and entering HS, I told them to watch just how often some popular girls dated and then broke up to start the process all over. The emotions of it all would mess with grades and they reported back they saw that happen. I told them that internet bfs was not a good reality and I will explain. For in real life tho, if they had any friends that were males, they could spend time with them at our home when I was home but bedroom dour must remain open. Out of 3 daughters, not a single guy took them up on those rules. I remember myself at 16, and know today that no young girl is ready for such a relationship at HS ages. Your parents are being generous in allowing you to start dating at 16. I told my girls I preferred they wait until they graduate and all of them did.
Since you are talking about an internet relationship or LDR as it's called for short, there are warnings. If you haven't seen anything but photos and not live on screen, then no matter how many photos, it could be photos of some guy when he was younger but he is now older like college age. Males will tend to prey on very young girls for several reasons but the biggest is how easy it is to dupe them, to grow fear in them and get them to give up what they want, lie and threaten with girls too gullible and believing or the girls feel too ashamed to speak up and do the right thing to get such a man arrested. He might be harmless though. My oldest made such a friend whose dad was taking the kids to our area to visit an aunt one summer and I spoke to the dad who said he was willing to stop by our place so the kids could meet one afternoon. Although she spent the afternoon at the beach with him and his family, her interest in him disappeared after that and they never wrote again. The reason is that what little they liked about each other on screen could not compare to a lack of chemistry in person. There is the chemistry you feel to want to be someones friend and I am talking of friends that are girls too. Then there is romantic chemistry. After a divorce and talking to guys on dating sites, around 15 years ago, I meet plenty that I really liked or felt I might be falling for. Then we meet in person at a coffee shop or restaurant and discovered there was no chemistry at all, and yet they were nice guys. One even looked like a male model from a magazine, but without chemistry, a relationship won't work. Neither of you are of an age to be able to hop in your own car and drive off to meet in person. Also, the part of your brain that is capable of making good/sound decisions is not yet done growing, although your body may have matured. Unfortunately, scientists say the frontal lobe of the brain isn't complete until around age 25 so any decision making before that is bound to be short sighted, misguided, or possibly dangerous to you. I told my kids to use their parents, us, to pass along an ideas of theirs and even if we made a rule, to ask if they could appeal. That is something done in courts if you are not happy with a decision and have extra input to share that may change the decision of a judge or in this case, parents. Now that I have given you some background into this situation, and the fact that you even thought to ask here at all, I am sure you can see that it is better to come clean with the parents. If this boy is safe and you want to have him as a friend online, then your parents would have to know this. They can not talk to or meet his parents to be sure this is all on the level, if they do not know this is going on in the first place. You are old enough to decide what characteristics you like and don't like in a friend, female or male and it is a good time to start keeping written notes of what you like. That way, if a so called friend is treating you the opposite of what you need and want, then you know that it isn't a healthy friendship. I can honestly tell you that the best way to go is to have a guy first as a friend and when old enough, as a boyfriend and even later as partner and lover. Skip any of that, and you may end up picking badly on guys the rest of your life. Start now, act responsible and be responsible, and in time you will have better and better friends and a guy who is worth your time.
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