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jumbled feelings
okay so lost my virginity last month with a tinder man after only knowing him for about 2 hours this is not how i would have liked to do that not really bc it was my first time more of i just didn’t know the guy at all and to make things worse my cherry popped and it was a whole thing prior to all this the man laid things out really clearly that there are really 3 options on how things go with new people 1 relationship 2 friends but more 3 fuck buddies i understood 2 as friends that could turn into more but after the night of i came to realize that it was more of friends with benefits so i said 2 is how i would like to go about things and then he mentioned that he had no time for a relationship and 2 would work better for him anyways but obviously it was his version of #2 not mine
well anyways my first instinct is to ghost because i’m not looking into anything strictly casual like maybe at first but i would like the possibility of a relationship to be there whether it’s what happens with us or not and i’m contemplating what to do so this is kinda what i’ve been feeling lately
okay so it’s weird like i want to be 🤮 (lovey dovey) sometimes too and i want to have a crush on someone but the thought of going back to a place where i felt embarrassed will literally kill me like i know everyone says they don’t care but i do like it wasn’t my period it was my cherry and knowing that without him knowing it was my first time is too much bc i will always know and also it’s just kinda gross that my blood was on his dick like idk what kind of kink you got that’s weird and even if i did get over the whole bleeding thing he told me he doesn’t have time for a relationship so what good would being there be for me anyways i know what i want also red flag for not getting food when i said i was hungry and also like it was me who misunderstood so it’s not even like hes a bad guy he kept asking if i was good and i said yes but also a part of me was scared that if i would had said no would he had stopped like it’s scary to think about but what would have happened at least i’m at peace knowing that it was what it was and not rape but it did leave an icky feeling behind bc of how rushed everything felt if this man knew anything about me he would have known that’s not how i would have wanted things to go if he had taken the time to get to know me it wouldn’t have happened but he didn’t we knew nothing about eachother and if i would have known him a little better i coukd better tell if i would have wanted to go there with him i would have been able to tell if he was an actual chill guy or just putting up a front to get in my pants it’s a weird feeling bc i say all this but it was so nice for someone to want me whether it was my body or me it was nice never have i ever gotten that attention from anyone and it made me feel confident which i know your self worth shouldnt depend on other people but it does for me like whether or not i wanted him to fuck me that night he did make me feel hot even while wiping off blood from my body like i say i was embarrassed but the embarrassment didn’t hit until i was gone he never made me feel bad about what happened i just think it was a weird situation and maybe if i got to know who he was i wouldn’t be so conflicted with ghosting i would be able to make my decision and stick with it bc he could be great and i can be missing out or he can be shitty and i would have dodged a bullet but idk and that’s the issue
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You said enough already with him knowing you were hungry but not caring enough to stop to get you something to eat. That is like sneaking a peek into a room through a cracked door. That glimpse of what you saw or felt with him is just the first bit of what he is like and there is way more of the same. Since it doesn't sound like what you are looking for in a guy, don't go back. Ghosting though is something people do today that is the 'chickens way out'. Unless he is dangerous or would go into a rage, it is best to let a person know the truth next time they call or text. But I don't mean the exact truth. I did that once and received a couple of very hateful phone messages from the guy. So here's what you say, "I'm sorry but I just didn't feel enough chemistry with you to have a friendship with or without sex." Or put that in your own words but use 'chemistry'. Truthfully, chemistry is for real but hardly anything studied or written about it. Think of how you like some people for friends when you first meet and others you don't. If this invisible chemistry wasn't for real, you'd be friends with everyone you ever met, and thats a lot of people. Then there is the chemistry separate from that for romance and sex. That is why some people might be into you but you don't feel the chemistry in return. If someone is the right one, then both people will feel the chemistry for each other, both the friendship and the romance or the person would only be a friend. I am not feeling well right now and should be clear headed maybe by Sunday and can share more if you'd like, especially what I learned from meeting guys through internet dating as there weren't phone apps then but the principles are the same. I can share some good do's and don'ts so you don't end up in a dangerous situation or frustrated in not finding what you want. Besides internet date advice, I have a document on how to find Mr. Right so if you want to hear either, let me know by going to 'Browse Advice columnists on the left, then finding 'dragonflymagic' and clicking on that, cus that's me and I will get your direct response without it going for all to see and them being confused.
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