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My side chick gives silent treatment almost every other day
I'm 48, and from Nigeria. I'm married without kids. I have a side chick, who is not married but has a 5-year-old son out of wedlock. She is my subordinate in my place of work. (I got her the job there). She knows I'm married, knows my wife and my wife knows her as my subordinate at work. My side chick and I love each other. She finds it hard to get a boyfriend because she has some toxic tendencies; she picks a fight at almost everything. We quarrel almost every other day over flimsy issues, and she gives me the silent treatment every now and then until I strive to get us back on talking terms. This has been going on for about 7 months now. Each time she stops talking to me, I want to leave her, but I start to miss her so much that I end up making up with her. Shortly after we make up, I don't miss her that much anymore, especially at the way she gets so much all over me, even in the office, and I don't care if she gives me the silent treatment over the next fight, telling myself it will simply be the best opportunity to walk away from the relationship. Until it happens again, usually within a day or two and she starts to give me the silent treatment again over a flimsy issue, and I start to miss her and make up with her again. This has been going on again and again and again. She started giving me the silent treatment again yesterday because I won't take a video of her with my phone in the office in the presence of my boss. I was glad this was another chance for me to let her go forever, but as of today, I've started to miss her again a little. I believe she misses me too each time and always waits for me to make up with her. Another reason I tend to worry about her easily is that she has suicidal tendencies, is often depressed and feels lonely. What should I do? Should I let the silent treatment continue this time and end the relationship no matter how much I miss her? Even when most times I miss her so much that I can tend to find it hard to focus. Especially when I see her at work every day.
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Are you are pychiatrist or pschologist by trade? If not, you have no reason to try to be helping her. She needs professional help. Also, you are married and though the wife thinks this is just a worker at the business, the wife has no idea about you having this other women on the side. I do get how this can happen because most married people either stubbornly do the right thing but are unhappy. However most people are married to either a best friend, or a lover, not a person who is both. So I am guessing your wife is your best friend. However you don't feel sexually satisfied with her and so you hoped to find that in this other woman. Am I correct so far? See, there is something called chemistry and we can not make ourselves have chemistry to be a friend and the other chemistry to be lovers. The trick is to find someone who is both to you, if done in the beginning before getting into relationships. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with the wife, but her chemistry may be better suited to another man. The side chick is your source for sex but for rest of relationship she is not a good match. So it seems you have the chemistry for friend with wife, and the chemistry for sex with side chick but no friendship from her. Now if you are honest with yourself, what you do in secret, is not the work of a good friend to your wife. You are keeping a secret from her and having another relationship on the side. I know that I would not want to do anything to hurt my best friend. You may say you have close friends, males though. But a persons marriage partner should also be a close and best friend. You are out of integrity with wife and for you the decisions of what to do should be based on the problems you are having in your life, with how you think and how you feel. You can not focus on what is going on with the subordinate because her problems are just as great as yours though she needs a therapist to help her. You may be able to change without a therapist but I would still recommend it especially since the side chick is someone you see every day at work and you will need better advice than you can get here.
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