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My SO came out as trans and we plan to continue dating
I'm in high school and the person I've been dating for a year recently came out as trans. He (formerly she) has begun dressing like a guy, has cut his hair short, and is now using a male name.
He says he still loves me but understands if I no longer want to be involved. I've always thought of myself as straight. But I'm still very much in love too and so I told him that I'm willing to give this a shot.
My parents and a few of my friends seem to think I'm crazy for wanting to remain together. Maybe I am but, like I said, I'm still in love and want to see if we can make this work. Any advice on how to make everyone back off and just accept that this is something I have to do?
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Lets see if I understood correctly. You and another girl originally were dating so my first thought is that both of you or one was Lesbian. You state you think of yourself as straight. Unless there is a newer definition for straight, I know 'straight' to mean a person who is sexually drawn to the opposite sex. So if you are straight for sure, then you were going against your natural inclinations at first by dating a girl. So if this SO is actually Trans, meaning changing to male, then this should be to your advantage, so you now have you as the female and your SO as a male. Bear in mind that many things we feel and believe will still change from HS until we are end of college ages or a little later. So things may change. I understand there is a two part change, with the beginning one as introducing hormone therapy to grow facial hair and such. Later is the sex change operation, removing breasts and changing the sex organs. I can understand loving the person inside no matter what they are on the outside. Inside he feels male and that is fine but the only thing I can see as possible future issues is if you both are still together in lets say 5 to 10 years, what will happen regarding having children? I think that might be the biggest concern of people, especially parents who may want to be grandparents one day and are unable to get their minds around the fact that adopted children can also be their grandkids. But it may be they want grandkids who are part of both of you. However I haven't heard yet of any medical break throughs of sperm created for trans persons to be able to impregnate their partner. This is the same as a hetero couple who for some reasons are unable to conceive and must adopt. So that also is not a big deal. Also, I knew a couple like this and they decided together which male friend they wanted sperm from and asked that male to provide the sperm to create a babe for you to carry. These thoughts can be conveyed to the parents later, not now as you do not yet know if you stay together for ever or for a while. The only thing I can think of that makes your situation a possible issue for yourself, is if being straight, you want penis and a medically constructed one just is not enough for you. If not sexually active yet, you will discover if you are okay with this or not in a short while. And I think that is the point at which you need to make a decision to split. Right now, enjoy the love you both have. I have no clue what to tell others. Everyone will have their own opinion, even family and close friends. You will get that over your lifetime from them, over many different things, ranging from small things to big things in your life. Its not their decision to make. Only you can make that.
However, I do know how to avoid verbal fights. If anyone brings up the subject hoping to convince you otherwise, it is best to not get drawn in to a debate or argument on it. The way you do that is to only speak once at the beginning telling them you will not talk about this. Then whatever they say, simply do not respond. If you do not speak, there is nothing to fuel their fire. Its no fun for a person to have a one sided argument. If you have ever watched video clips of 'Kaarens and Kevins' having outrageous verbal fights with people, you will see that it always becomes more heated and drags on if you choose to verbally respond. If a persons safety or that of their property is threatened by the 'K's' then call of course calling police is best. I often see the accused trying to get in a last word after it seems the Karen or Kevin is already turned around and leaving but they stop every time they hear a response from the one they are harrassing. So, like a Karen or Kevin, What your friends and family say may be outlandish, no where near the truth, or racist or what ever but you know what the truth is, so their words should not matter. It is not your job to change their minds or enlighten them.
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Personally, I think it's natural that you still have feelings for him. I think you can continue the relationship, for now, making him and everyone else realizes that you're only trying to see how this will work out. It's possible he has a change of heart before an actual sex change. But you have to bear in mind that you might not enjoy sex with a guy if you're truly straight. You have to make him bear this in mind as well, so that if he eventually does a sex change and you find that you're not into him that way, then you can simply break off the relationship.
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