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Ashamed about video that is going to be exposed.
I am getting legal advice on this but I also need some personal advice on how to manage a nightmare I have created with a really bad decision. On a dare and because of my own insane vanity, I auditioned for a pornographic movie. It was very sketchy in a crappy motel. I obviously had to get naked and there was this really weird interview about my sexual experience (which is not a lot) and then they took a lot of pictures and some video of me with two women. I did have a condom for all that. It all took like 4 hours and I had mixed feelings the whole time like both an ego trip and guilt trip. At the end I was offered a part in some movie which fed my pride and ego, but I turned it down because it was just a prank. I signed a release at the beginning so they like own all the video and pics they took. Somehow they found out I did it as a prank and got mad and a person sent me my audition video which is like an edited deal but still almost two hours of stuff and told me I owed them $5,000 for wasted time and expense and if I did not pay they would post the video online and to the website at my church and send it to my parents at their business and I don’t even know how they got that information. The other choice was to be in their movie for no pay. I have only shown it to two friends and a lawyer. The lawyer said what I signed says they own the video and images and they could post it all but extortion is illegal and she is going to talk about it with police to maybe catch these people for threatening me. I don’t know how this is going to turn out and there is a good chance this video gets out. In my opinion I come across very cocky and crude in the interview part as I was like playing up like I wanted the part and then I was like so obviously clueless and nervous about a lot of sex things when they were having us do stuff together and you can hear someone say “amature hour” and calling me a “wannabe.” It is embarrassing I am naked in all of it and doing awkward sex things and closeups of private body parts and I am ashamed when I watch it. Thinking you are attractive or look hot naked is not the same as what this video is like. It is just gross and reminding me what a sinful thing I did. It is hard to explain the dread and doom and shame I feel and I just want to hide in a hole somewhere. I feel so bad for people who have to be in these videos for real for money now. I feel like I need to prepare certain people in my life though in case this comes out – my parents (who love me but are going to be so disappointed), maybe my pastor or youth pastor at my church (in case it ends up on their website), my ex-girlfriend to whom I am still close (I was a much better person when I was with her), my grandmother maybe even though she is not online, my sisters (who are going to make fun of me and call me an egomanic but will also give me support I know), someone at the school I attend because it is a private Christian school and I don’t know if I can get expelled for something like this, and I have a scholarship from a religious organization and I am pretty sure there is like a morals clause or whatever in that and I might lose a scholarship. I also feel like I should resign from Fellowship of Christian Athletes because I don’t want to embarrass FCA. I am not blaming anyone but me even though I think blackmailing me is pretty evil. Either way, how do I prepare the people I care about for what might be coming? I have repented with God and trust in His forgiveness even though I don’t deserve it, but I am just needing to get ready to reap what I have sown. Thank you for your advice.
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Wow this must be so difficult for you, I am sorry this happened.
I won’t go into what the answer below said regarding the making of this decision because it is covered well.
I will jump to what you could do. As you already seem to be on the right direction with a lawyer and you should continue to pursue that.
The way I would handle this is to start small. The most important people in your life are your family. You do not need to escalate this to the church or community level before even knowing what will happen or if the video will get out. Do not shoot your self in the foot prematurely. I would talk to your parents and get them on your side first, and maybe confidentially talk to the youth pastor just so he can also give you some advice as well. At this point you don’t know what will happen and maybe the lawyer will be able to help you resolve it. Sometimes these people bluff to try to get you to cave but when authorities get involved they back down. No one wants to get in trouble with the law.
I would approach this conversation with your parents with some of the points you mentioned here:
1. Reiterate how hard and embarrassing this is for you. Asking them for support and kindness. You need to get them to see that you realize the huge mistake this was and you are repenting.
2. Then explain the situation, reiterating how you know it was dumb and wrong and that you naively made a mistake.
3. Tell them what actions you’ve already taken to take care of the problem (to show your initiative)
4. Ask for forgiveness and support. Tell your parents you are sorry to have let them down
5. Explain to them how your behavior will change from this experience going forward and what you have learned from all this.
If you say all that, be prepared for any type of reaction and just take it. They are entitled to feel disappointed but do not try to justify or argue if the reaction is not great. Just accept and validate their feelings and ask them if you can count on their support moving forward in this.
Hope this helps and good luck with the situation. Hopefully it won’t escalate to the community but if it does, you will at least know you have the support of the people closest to you and that is all that you will need to get through it in the end.
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Oh so sorry to hear of your predicament. Getting a lawyer was the right thing to do. Whether they got money from black mailing you or not, these kind of people sound like someone you can't trust to keep their word, and still post the video even if paid the blackmail fee.
Being in Christian school and involved in church can bring trouble, if they find out. Too often, Christians can be too critical, not thinking of how they once were before becoming a Christian and its not inherited like blue eyes, so everyone has to make such a choice. I remember two couples who got a divorce when I was a young married woman and neither ever came to church again because they were afraid of the fall out and being asked to leave and such. Christians are often quick to judge and not really mature true Christians, just people who attend a church and go home and live their lives differently than God would like but pretend they are so humble and saintly at church.
Jesus befriended Mary Magdalene, whom others would not associate with, considering her a whore. Jesus sat at the home of a tax collector whose job in those days made them hated by all. Jesus knew what they had done. He also knew they had learned by their mistake. Learning by our mistakes is something we do lifelong and it does not define us. What we have done, if we no longer do that, should never be held against us. There are good people in the world who sometimes do bad things. There are also bad people who sometimes do a good thing. The one good dead does not make them a good person just as the one or two bad mistakes makes a good person now a bad person. I can't see telling the parents as I don't know how understanding they are and how they may or may not use things like this as a teaching opportunity. However, there is a greater chance that a youth pastor depending on his/her personality might be a great person to talk to. It would be good to have someone with 'clout' in the church to be able to stand beside you and speak up for you if anything like that does leak out. For all you know, the porno people were hoping to freak you out and spoke as if they knew of all your contacts but in truth may not know any or only guessed right at who your parents are. If you told them you go to church and mentioned the church name, thats the only way they could know.
Now a scientific part of whats going on that you would do this. All young people find they have a mature body at some point. However the frontal cortex of brain is not yet done growing. So in a way, the reasoning ability of a teen is already compromised. Teens tend to not think things through as to what could go wrong. Whether acting on a dare or just a decision they came up with on their own, teens and younger college aged are in jeopardy of making many bad decisions, including ones that end up getting them killed. Scientists say that by time a person hits mid twenties, the brain is finally done growing. So decision making is better, however there is still the chance that those whose only learning style is from having done something the wrong way, well, they may have to make quite a few repeated mistakes before they learn so from what I see with my own adult kids and those who write in, it seems people finally wise up from mid thirties on. I know it took me that long although I was naturally cautious and timid and didn't try or get into trouble when younger except once and it was an accident, not intentional, but I had difficulty owning up to it.
From what you wrote, it sounds like all that happened was due to having teen brain issues and you sound like a good person who is sorry for what he has done. It is tough to be criticized and looked at as something evil by those you would think would be the most forgiving. But remember that any flack you catch is from people who have a long way to go to become more like Jesus. Jesus has already forgiven you. Make sure you ask Him all the time how you can please him, you know . . .like King David, and in time you will hear from Him and His directions for you will not lead you astray.
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