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Should I move back?
So a couple of months ago I moved out from my mom’s house into an apartment in a new city. This city has more opportunities and I was able to find a job, that pays me well. But the problem is, that before moving out, I got into a relationship with my boyfriend, who I ended up loving more than anybody else, and became a huge part of my life. At first we were able to meet every weekend, he would drive down to be with me, and the next weekend I would do the same. But due to change in my work, I have to work even at the weekends, so we wont be able to see each other much. Only a few days in a month. I have been crying a lot, and haven't been able to enjoy myself in this city, because I miss him, and want to spend my time with him. So my question is, should I quit my job, and move back to him, and restart everything that I have been building up here, and start over there? My heart is telling me to do this, because everytime I’m with him I’m happy. Please share your advices for me!
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You say there are opportunities where you are, that it pays well and that is something to consider. You also say how you feel about him but does he equally feel the same? Can you say that you both don't just love each other but are in love with each other? Is it unconditional love? With unconditional love, people care deeply about how their partner feels. I understand you were the one to move away after starting a relationship. If you care deeply about him, naturally you will want to be with him. Then how deeply does he love you? Ask, talk to him. Does he want you in his life more than the money you are earning now. If you quit and have no money, will he support you until you can find work. If he lives in the vicinity of your Mom, you already know there is no work opportunities for you there. Maybe something with low pay and part time. Think all aspects of this through girl. You can't just make a quick decision based on how you feel right now. You will feel worse when you begin to feel stuck work wise back at home. And I can tell you that money problems or lack of money can really affect a relationship in bad ways. So if he is such a huge part of your life, propose to him. Find out if he really cares the same about you. To make another big change in your life for a love that may be one sided, meaning unrequited, that is a pretty gutsy move. But then, you have Mom and won't have to end up on the streets.
I understand when you say you are happy with him. Everyone is happy in the beginning but the relationship is only a few months old so you are still in the New Relationship stage which has a special energy to it that can feel enough like real love...I know cus I was fooled by it too once long ago. So NRE is the excitement of something new and as with a new gift we really wanted, we are enamored for a while but eventually time passes and the strength of that excitement starts to waver and soon a person doesn't feel quite the same thing they felt in the beginning with a person. This is also why some guys stay with a gal only until the NRE wears off and then they move on to another new relationship, because they are addicted to the NRE, yes this energy can be that addicting. If you had been together a year or two and seen each other often, I wouldn't have gone down the road of explaining NRE. Cus usually by then, you would know for sure if a relationship is worth moving back for. Or...if he is really into you, and there are so much more job opportunities in the city where you currently are, then there is no reason why he can't move to be with you and get work there. I think you both need to talk about this issue, how you feel and find out how he feels. Find out what he really wants and that it measures up to what you also want. Does he want dating monogamy, dating consecutively meaning one girl after another for short times, friends with benefits, commitment without marriage. commitment with marriage, is he bi-sexual and whatever else you can think of...you really need to know and I asked at least this much but usually way way more when I was dating again after a divorce and I didn't date, just met a guy for coffee to see if I did feel chemistry with him, did I detect cigarette smoke on him (I'm allergic) had he lied or misrepresented himself from what I read in dating profile to what I witnessed in person. So as you can see, I am serious about this business of finding the right guy and enjoying a love relationship. That tops the list for me over a job but job and being close enough to family to visit a couple times a year is important too. However, as serious as I am about love, I'd rather investigate the heck out of any relationship at first so I don't end up feeling stuck cus I am in love with a guy but there is some reason it may not work. I went through enough heartbreak with a bad first marriage to want to go through anything like that again. Ultimately, the decision is yours, but I hope you will check things out very well before making any big decision, such as where you live, your job and who you date.
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