|
How do I explain to GF my pain from having sex is no big deal?
My girlfriend and I have gotten to the point where we are starting to be sexually active with each other. We are both very attracted to each other, but she made me wait for a while but that is okay because she is worth it. Our first two nights together have been wonderful but not without some concern.
On the positive side, even though I am less experienced than her she said I did very well and she did not have to fake anything. She asked for repeats during the night so I guess I was doing something right. On the negative side, I did hurt myself with some joint dislocations several times each night.
The deal is I have a medical condition called Ehlers Danlos which can cause joints to dislocate easily and causes joint pain even though I am just 30. I have had this my whole life and I am able to re-locate my own joints when they go out of place. She knew I had this condition before we had sex and she has even watched me deal with some minor dislocations before. I do a special low weight but high repetition workout that strengthens the muscles around my joints and has actually reduced how often I have dislocations.
During sex with her I dislocated my shoulders multiple times each time. I tried to hide how much it hurt but she could see it in my face and I cannot help groaning when it happens and I sort of shouted the F word each time. We would stop and I would re-locate the joint or joints and I stayed fully ready and we continued almost immediately. I felt like I was hit by a truck the next day because of extreme muscle soreness the next morning but it was worth it. I asked her if it turned her off and said I was her “hero” to keep going like that and made a joke about dislocating my penis.
I thought we were good but now when I mention sex she seems less eager. She said she had fun and wants more but is worried sex is going to be like torture for me causing dislocations. We talked about other positions we could try that put less stress on my shoulders. We talked about going slower and less forceful movements even when we feel like going faster or getting more intense. That will take a lot of will power. She said she feels guilty having pleasure when I have to suffer joint dislocations and feel so sore the next day. I am okay with the trade off but now I am worried her guilt will shut down our new sex life. How can I make her understand it is okay and I can handle it?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
My guess is that if she really loves you, it will bother her if she sees you in pain. So even if she isn't consciously thinking about, her subconscious mind might be concerned enough for you to find her acting different, seeming less interested and so on. Found an article on that you may want to read:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
As a female, I know I would feel the same, not wanting to cause my husband pain. If you choose the words "No big deal" when you want to explain to her, thats about the worst thing you can say. Men are far less likely to go see a Dr. about anything even pain if its light. If a heavier pain, men will still try to wait it out. Saying no big deal sounds like you give little care to your own well being. I struggle with that with my husband who just had his appendix removed this morning. He only went to ER after his pain was so strong it was crippling his ability to do anything. This is something that affects females greatly. We don't like men who seem to give little care to their health. So even if your pain isn't crippling, if I were you, I'd go see a Urologist who has to be referred by your Dr. Get him to check you out and put the findings down on paper so she can see. So if there is nothing wrong that needs to be treated, she can see and that should relax her as the only pain then would be your shoulders getting disjointed.
Some reasons why a male may experience pain with sex, is listed in the link below. There may be other reasons not listed. Sex is not supposed to be painful like that. Happening once, okay, but all the time? What if it isn't caused by your condition of Ehlers Danlos and there is something else?
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
]
More Questions: |