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Should I break off my engagement?
My Fiancé of one year and 5 months is on a trip to greece with his friends and we got in an argument because he disrespected me by telling me to "Grow the fuck up" while we were arguing about something- and so I avoided conversation with him and told him he had no respect for me and to just end the conversation now. Its been 2 days and he hasnt contacted me at all or told me anything about his trip. Not who he is with, where he is, no updates, no nothing. I wrote him the day after saying " So your not gonna update me? Is that what your doing?" and he said "Your the one who didn't update me yesterday or say goodnight" So I told him "Suit yourself, after the disrespectful behavior and words you said to me yesterday, nothing else matters. " and he said "You suit yourself and yes nothing else matters." Its been two days and I haven't heard of him. He is supposed to be in Greece for 7 days and he knows that It's not okay that we don't talk or update one another. We usually get into bad fights and may go days without talking if the fight was really bad but this time its different cause hes on vacation. I know the relationship has become insanely toxic and I am having such a hard time letting go. I know most of you here will probably tell me to dump him but it is really hard since I am engaged. I don't know what to do. Should I reach out to him and tell him that he should be updating me ? Or should I wait until hes back and end things with him?
Thank you in advance.
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You want a yes or no. Its not that easy until one looks at the facts. I assume you are not exaggerating when you say you usually get into bad fights and go days without talking. Its not that talking will make it better if you are with the wrong person. You seem to be more concerned with a response, a call or text from a man who isn't meant to be your bf, fiancee or husband. If you would like to be married to someone who talks to you that way as in "Grow the fuck up", it won't be a happy Marriage and may quickly end in divorce or him becoming so unhappy with you because you are the wrong person for him, that he finds a mistress or has lots of affairs.
I don't know either of you so I won't know for sure if something could be done, such as in couple counseling. Usually people wait until there is a problem in the marriage to do this to try save the marriage. People dating or engaged don't usually go see the equivalent of a marriage counselor. So I don't know if there is something that you may need to learn, or him before a relationship will work. I know we all can be better versions of ourselves. Even me, even you, especially in ways that affect a relationship. I read a book on how to talk in a relationship. There was a list of what not to do or say. So I know that reading such a book would be helpful to you both but that alone may not help. Before I remarried, I met plenty of men, many were very very nice and the right gal would be lucky to date them but they were not for me and I knew that at the beginning, after meeting just once and lots of online chats. There has to be a willingness to admit you can do better and willing to listen to and follow professional advice. Here at advicenators, we are not professionals. If by chance one person here was a counselor in real life, they still do not really know you and can't tell what the issue is. I don't know if he or both of you are willing to get counseling at this stage. You may find you both were quite naive and untrained and without meaning to, saying and doing the wrong things making this worse and you would have a chance if that is corrected. If he's not willing, or you or both of you, then it may be better to put wedding on hold until you know for sure that theres a great chance for a happy marriage. Otherwise, it may be best to call it off.
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