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How do I reassure my GF I can wait?
This question is mainly for the females I guess. So my GF asked me if I fantasized about blow jobs or hand jobs since we are not having sex for moral reasons on her religion which I respect. I admitted yes I fantasize about that stuff but then I saw she was like freaked out about it when I admitted that and I said she did not have to do that if she did not want to do it just because I fantasized about it because I would be okay if that never happened but she got so upset she was not doing anything to help me out with being good and she knows I like her that way and am trying to hide my erections. I tried to make a joke and said I help myself out as needed. She did not think it was funny like she feels like she is not a good girlfriend because I guess other girls say what they do for their guys or whatever which could be lies you know. I think they are just saying things to upset her like she is not being a good girlfriend leaving me all frustrated or whatever because they do not like her religion maybe. Obviously I would like to have sex or a blow job or a hand job or really anything she is in the mood to do but I can also chill and do nothing. I was already a virgin with no experience before we got together. It is not like I did not know she was a good girl when we started dating I totally knew that and like that about her even if I am not the same religion as her. I honestly did not expect much more than holding hands, hugging, and kissing and those things are great. She says I am lying to her to make her feel better which is not true. I admitted I fantasize okay that is like unavoidable but it is also true I can handle it if we just wait on the big stuff. I just don’t want her to cry over it you know. That kills me so bad when she cries about anything. Honestly if someone else was dating her I feel like they could guilt her into doing more but I could not live with it doing something like that to her. She is so sweet. She cannot help it if she is hot also. My dad and I got this boxing heavy bag and boxing gloves and we are doing this workout thing in our garage with it so he can lose weight and not die of blood pressure and he likes boxing and if I do it with him he thinks he will stick with it and it is fun also. These girls told her I was doing it because boys exercise because they are sexually frustrated. I told her that was total crap and does not even help with that in my opinion. I know it is wrong but I want to box the hell out of these girls for making her feel this way. What do I need to do to reassure her that I can wait as long as she wants to wait and not be mad about it? My mom suggested I give her a purety ring which you can get and we both wear one and like we are in it together like not all the pressure on her. What do you think? I need ideas please.
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If she is the kind to take things literally, telling her you'd be okay with sex never happening and not adding the part of it being before marriage only might mean she would expect no to little sex after marriage if you guys get that far.
I have witnessed the extreme of no sex or kissing before with a young couple getting married when I was recently married. When it came time to kiss the bride, (she had looked extremely nervous and agitated all along) she fainted before he could get a kiss. She was so scared of just holding hands and kissing that she was not ready to make the big step to sex of any sort. A short while later, it was announced that the marriage was annulled and they never had sex even after marriage. Not saying it will happen to you, just letting you know the possibility of a worst case scenario.
A wise male once told me, Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesn't deserve it, who is wrong for her while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence. I can see the truth in that. I remember having less self confidence when in my twenties. I waited til marriage too, only to find out there was no sexual chemistry and he had a much lower libido than me, and yet I stayed with him too long, after much verbal abuse on his part. So I do know the one draw back from waiting. I was about 50 when searching for and finding my 2nd husband, but by then I had learned what to look for to know there was sexual chemistry in most cases, without having the sex, and how to determine if it was true attraction or just the excitement of something new, as in New Relationship Energy where it feels strong and real but wears off soon and you are left with not feeling it is right for you long after getting married. It may not so much be what others are telling her, but what she does not know about sex that is scaring her. Where fear is the big motivator, you can never tell if a person is truly desiring you. I like the idea of exchanging promise rings as they were called at my church. However, if she is truly terrified and lacking self confidence, a ring will not help her. Some parents take the sex before marriage thing a bit overboard. Even as adults, their adult child can not be alone with someone of the opposite sex, can not touch in any way like holding hands, giving a hug or loving touch on the shoulders or a kiss. Thats like growing up in a tiny village in the Amazon and never seeing a car, then being presented with one and asked to drive it, knowing nothing about it. If never exposed to one or hearing talk of one, how would a person know to not fear this strange machine? That is how she may be feeling. If she has been told by parents who know too well how hard it was to wait, or they didn't, parents can go overboard trying to protect their child but end up doing more harm than help.
So I think it is best to have a good talk with her, not focusing on asking her to trust you but finding out what she is scared of, and you can mention seeing that on her face, unless you were mistaken. She may not admit anything at which point you would have to start a guessing game asking if its this or that. She may even be thinking she could get pregnant from a kiss, and I have seen my share of those worries on here from those writing in. It saddens me, yes but I can only try to give someone advise which they can use as is, or change a bit or reject, the end result is up to the one asking. So even if just dating, and this sounds like the first one for her and that she has zero experience with males, even just as a girlfriend. Might be good to know what thoughts are tumbling through her mind on the subject. If she sounds like she is willing to try something to gain confidence, only then mention the promise or purity rings for both of you to wear. It should be a symbol of the love you both have for each other which will be shown to each other with love making once you both are married. Having sex is not a way to prove you love someone. Trusting someone really can only happen when the other person is being consistent in what they say and how they act. She is too young to know that like myself once upon a time. I have learned to look for consistency of something good in action and speech from a potential mate. I did this at age 50 to find my 2nd husband. We have been together now 13 years. She has the ability to trust and once feeling secure with trust, the ability to give her love in ways that are appropriate for the meaning you give the rings, or just the concept of waiting before marriage for sex. I don't want to talk you out of marrying her someday, just be careful. Some women never trust a guy at all. Perhaps it is something done to her, a promise broken, or worse, something she witnessed other men doing with or to their wives, or the relationship she witnessed with her parents who may have been best friends but never romantic or lovers, just having sex to procreate and then abandoning the sex. I never saw my Mom initiate a kiss even with Dad. They were best friends but not lovers, though they had sex occasionally. So when the kids started leaving the house, Mom decided to divorce and find another guy. This is common with many dating and married couples, not having both a best friend and a romantic/sex partner. These unions are rocky at best or break up totally at worst. I have both so I know how lucky I am although I put work into it, met plenty of guys who were very nice but didn't meet all of my criteria. I put it like this, I am my own HR dept. meeting potential people for the position of boyfriend. That means it is okay to be critical and ask the tough questions so you can know if a person simply needs training for how things are done in the department and then are great employees that you wish there were more of to hire. Your mate for life is a more permanent and life long commitment, not the same as a job position . SO have a good talk with her, find out what is really her worries and deal with those because if she is currently calling you a liar to make her feel good and that is not a good thing.
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First of all "HI" to Ammo. Glad to see you answering!
Questioner, Have you ever asked your GF if she is frustrated, or having trouble with waiting? If not, why not try asking. I mean she seems to be talking to girlfriends about the situation. Encourage her to talk to you about it instead. You would probably both feel better it.
Just because her religion doesn't approve of her having sex before marriage, doesn't mean that it isn't perfectly normal for her to have those feelings. The same for you. Take her focus off of you and put it on her.
As for rings, that is up to you. It isn't going to stop either of you from having feelings though. Good luck
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Hi. Firstly I think it is so nice that you are so happy and willing to wait and have not put any pressure on her to go against her beliefs - more power to you guys.
So, firstly I think you might be correct and her friends may be telling her many different things that are causing her to think she is a bad girlfriend. They might not even be to deliberately upset her too, it might just be their opinion on how their relationship works - everyone is different. The thing is your girlfriend also needs to realise this. Her friend (and your friends) might be into all that stuff and don't feel religion is a reason to remain pure but their beliefs are different to what you/your girlfriend believe. Don't allow others to dictate how your relationship should be, if you are both happy then carry on doing what you are currently doing.
All people have fantasies and they are a healthy thing. I think your girlfriend just needs to realise this. The whole point is to be able to fantasize about things which are not always a possibility.
At this point I think the best thing to do will be to talk to her and just explain you are happy with how things are and to stop listening to rubbish from other people. If she has questions (such as why you do boxing) just ask you about it. People can get sexually frustrated but that's life. The worst thing someone can do is give up their abstinence, especially if it is something they are practising for a reason such as religion, and then end up regretting it because they gave it up out of fear or pressure.
The purity rings, initially I thought they might be a bad idea as they'd put pressure on her too but if your aim is to make her feel better about your position then they might not be a bad idea at all. At the very least they would show her you are taking this position and standing by her on it so may make her feel better.
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