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Telling parents about mental health
I'm a 20 year old female. Should I tell my parents about what's been going on with my mental health? Trigger warning engaged: I've been noticing that it's gotten bad and it's gotten to the point where I hurt myself, but I'm not cutting or burning my skin. I feel like I should tell my parents. But I don't want to add more to their plates, especially since my mom has a surgery coming up. I kinda don't want to tell my dad cause he's kinda partially to blame because he's kinda a narcissist and I never feel like I'm good enough for him. A part of me doesn't want to tell my parents because they have said that if I show signs of self-harm, they were going to send me to the hospital. What should I do?
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The hospital may sound like a scary place to have to go but really it isn't. It's a safe place where they will help you find out exactly what is going on and diagnose and treat it and finally give you solid answers so you can live a normal life and put a name to the problem.
If they had to keep you in it's only so you can rest while they figure out correct diagnosis, treat it and keep any harm from others or you from harm brought on by a mental illness. It's a safe environment and you will be able to see your family. You might not even be admitted to the hospital. It may be something that could be figured out there and treated by outpatient etc. You just don't know and shouldn't jump to conclusions.
Your parents are actually doing a good thing by taking you because it's for your safety and because they don't have answers nor resources to help you with this and can't be expected to nor know what is really going on.
If you see this problem getting worse and more intense than ever before TELL them the truth and visit the hospital with them. Do not hold something like this in or keep it secret because it can spiral out of control and land you in a crisis that is far worse than it may be now. You don't want to take a chance. Mental health is very serious.
Although mom has surgery coming up and you aren't happy with your dad mental health has to come as a top priority and something you share immediately if you know something doesn't feel right and is up. Trust that gut feeling. You will be doing the right thing by telling them.
Also, a mental health issue is not a character flaw. An illness also is not caused by you nor another person no matter their personality traits in this case your dad. Illnesses like this can happen due to genetics or other causes with no rhyme or reason and to anyone. Illnesses don't care nor distinguish between who they affect.
Having signs or urges to self-harm isn't normal and can be highly dangerous if continues and desire intensifies. It would be the wrong thing not to say something even if you end up at a hospital. You need to go.
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I have known a narcissist in my past. I also have had a verbally abusive husband in my past. Knowing these two people, I learned a few things. You can not share whats going on for you because neither knows how to care about anyone else or more to the point, how to love another person whether a wife, a friend, a child, etc.... Each had their own different reasons causing them to be this way, but I witnessed really terrible tempers on both men. If you are growing up with a parent or sibling like that, you don't have much choice, you are stuck and can't get away. So since you already know about the mental hospital threats, and your dads narcissism, its best not to stir up trouble for yourself. Even if you don't have a mental illness, a counselor is highly important for those who have been the victims. Since you grew up with it, I can't say that some of what triggers you now is or isn't loosely related. But I can say after an abusive marriage, I did need counseling. I had a friend who was a retired counselor so I lucked out getting real help, hearing what I needed to hear like when I was using my coping mechanisms which were no longer needed after my divorce and so on. I know how much it helped me. So even tho your situation isn't the same as mine, I highly recommend you get some counseling. A psychiatrist is one who is licensed to prescribe medications, and that is Not what I am talking about. I am talking about a certain kind of Psychologist trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy who is all about teaching and getting you back to great mental health. If you hurt yourself in any way due to your mental stress, that is a cry for help, its a sign you need to find someone. When a child becomes an adult at 18, the only way they qualify to be on their parents insurance is if they are in college, as students usually don't work, or have enough money to afford insurance. You are an adult and your parents do not have to know everything that is going on with you, just regular life or medical and mental issues. They already raised you and have no say in your life. If you choose to approach them and ask for their opinion in anything, or help, that is you using them as a sounding board. The end decision is still yours. Even if your Mom is not a problem in how she treats you, she was never strong enough to leave and divorce your dad. I have seen the statistics for narcisstic people, they cannot have any relationships, certainly not marriage as it is hard on the other person(s) and it destroys relationships. Most split and divorce. So your Mom may have trouble with lack of self esteem or confidence, which a narcissist is good at eroding on people close to them, like family members or will choose to marry someone they feel is a weak person. My ex thought I was a weak person. I gave him 30 yrs of marriage til the kids were raised before I left him. I realize now I should have left earlier as staying has messed with the minds of my children, things they fear, not so good choices in bf, gf, spouses and so on. So believe me and my children that you ARE affected by how and whom you were raised by. I will give you the site of a Psychologist who taught others in CBT but not all Drs. are trained in that. Look for that, or don't go see anyone who isn't into CBT, because basically, our thoughts are connected much to our emotions so our cognitive abilities (thoughts) will affect our behaviors and that is why people need training based on what they suffer from and excercises to help them get over it. You have to be diligent in doing the steps, whatever they are to get better. I had to do that to get over social anxiety. Now I am so happy to be free of that, it's like I am making up for lost time and you can't shut me up now! LOL. Your Mom doesnt need to know, but not because she is going into surgery, I just remembered that so telling you now. Just as there is no such thing as half way or kinda pregnant, there is no such thing as kind of narcissist. You either are or aren't. There may be differences in each person affected, but since you did mention it, I feel its a bigger deal than you want to admit. But it's nothing that reflects on you dear. The only thing anyone could ever blame you for is not getting help for yourself. It won't be easy. It will take getting insurance, or secretly using parents insurance and making sure Dr.s realize the parents don't know and you don't want them to know and be honest as to why. Even so, there is such a thing as the Hippa law which means your treatment and why you needed it is kept private and not shared with anyone unless you tell them. If this is your situation, get and pay for your own p.o. box and give that address to any medical care place and the mailing address. They will always ask if they should call only you or speak to anyone else on your behalf. If you don't have a job, are low income, you might want to see if you qualify for low cost or free health care. You could go to a DSHS or what ever the equivalent is called in your area, its Department of Social and Health services. That is where people can get food stamps, or help with a bill pay, and appt with someone who can help set in place what you need to get seen by a professional. If not living at home, they may know of programs you can sign up for, support groups,anything that may help you. I hope you are able to get the help you need. Once you are in a good place mentally, if still living at home, its best to be away from Dad, so I mean living separate which is hard in this economy but do-able if you can find roommates and get an apt.
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Dear Ms Mental Health,
First it takes courage when you can admit that you are looking for help because many people get scared and never want to let someone know when something is going on with them especially mentally. With that being said, you should never want to be afraid to talk to your parents but if either of them are part of the cause in what you are dealing with then find someone who you can truly confide in. Someone who will not judge or make you feel less of a person because of what you are going through. The important thing you need to know is that you need to appreciate yourself and the person you are and want to be. Self appreciation starts with never allowing anyone or anything to make you feel less of a person. Especially family when even disappointment comes your way on their behalf, it's important that you stay strong for yourself and have the confidence to love yourself by living the life you want to live. Believe in yourself and don't allow the negative things to infiltrate your mind. Negative people are just hurt people who can't deal with their own issues and pains and try to use other people thinking it will help them but only hurst them more. Don't be afraid to communicate what you are feeling but also know that you have strength and confidence in you. Once you find and harness that strength and confidence, great things will happen for you.
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