|
What do I do with my ridiculously hot new straight friend?
I am an openly gay 21m and I am very lucky to go to a school where there is a lot of acceptance and encouragement and I feel surrounded by allies. I am surprised especially how some of the notorious jocks and aggressively straight guys handled it. I think it says something about attitudes in my generation.
Almost all my guy friends are straight and they deal with the awkward moments mostly with humor and have a running rant about which of them I am most attracted to which is actually funny and I play along like I am trying to make up my mind and they all act competitive about it.
They also push me to initiate things with guys I admit to liking just like they do with each other and girls they like. It is weird, funny, and awesome at the same time.
My post is about a guy I am actually curious about. I have never been able to hide my noticing and checking other guys out when I am interested and I get busted on it a lot. So we were at the cafeteria in the student union and some newer students were roaming. One of the guys (who I later ID'ed as Tanner 18m) was wearing a solid green tank with low arm holes and his cute shoulder and arm muscles were so sexy and you could see his ribs and the tops of his pecs really well and he had a really fun haircut was just being a natural hottie without even trying to act that way.
My friends totally noticed my visual lock on him and started inviting Tanner and his friends over and outing me for having the hots for him. He and I both blushed like crazy and he was like “really?” and I just nodded and said “yeah” and he was like “thank you for the compliment.” Total class move on his part. Two of the girls in his crew started tugging on him and pulling him away like they were saving him from me and they wandered off.
I love my friends but I wanted to pound them. Even when they are annoying, I am grateful for my friends and they just accept me and are chill with me being myself.
So besides some fantasies later that night, I forgot about Tanner. And then about 1AM, I get a text from him. How he got my number is an interesting story but not important. When I realized who it was I was like so excited but confused. He insisted he was straight but said he wanted to talk to let me know how nice it was to be noticed that way and wondered did he handle it okay and could we be friends.
I convinced him to face time and we had the weirdest conversation where at my request he ended up shirtless and flexing for me and I told him every pervy thing I wanted to do with or to him and he was like getting his mind blown by my lust for him. He is a track and field athlete and is a pole vaulter (lots of jokes about his pole). But for all the sexy talk he was not interested in acting on anything. He asked if we could be friends but not do any gay stuff and I agreed (reluctantly).
I asked what this was all about and he said he was turned on by my attention and the things I said about his body and how it made him feel to know I liked him that way and he did not know why because he likes girls but they are cagey and you never know what they are thinking. He said me asking him to take his shirt off for the face time was so direct and honest and a turn on for him.
I cannot tell what is going on in Tanner’s cute little head. Is he gay or bi and just not ready to admit it? Is he straight like he says but just desperate for feedback about his hotness? Do I start with a friendship and test him with some in person flirting? Maybe he just wants to be seduced? Maybe he is the devil trying to drive me insane?
I know my friends will give me holy hell if he ends up in our circle or I end up is his. It would probably be worth it if Tanner keeps taking his shirt off when I ask.
I asked what his friends would think. He said as a joke I might get my eyes clawed out by the two girls he was with but he did not care what other people think because he knows he is straight and does not care and thinks it would be “fun” to have a gay friend.
Does anyone else think this is weird? If he is playing a mind game he comes across so sincere. And I keep telling myself, who cares as long he keeps taking his shirt off when we face time. I know I said that before, but it really was amazing and he was so cocky with it.
So any advice on dealing with my ridiculously hot new straight friend David?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I know you want a clear answer right now but life doesn't work that way. You already asked, what if he is gay or bit and doesn't realize yet or straight but playing with fire so to speak. I know with being gay that one can know when they are younger, but like around puberty. Being bi is not something that occurs to people to wonder about. And that usually happens after having been sexual and straight or gay for a while but having incidences that stand out too often showing an interest in both. As for bi women, I have met plenty through a bi neighbor I used to have. Many prefer plenty women but only one man, the one they married. How it happens, I don't know but they can only tolerate and love the one man but love lots of women. You can never tell at HS or college age what you may settle on for the rest of your life.
He may find it refreshing to have anyone talk to him as you did. Maybe its a trait he has discovered he likes but doesn't find often in younger Females. The experienced older woman is a more settled person usually, sure of herself, high on self confidence and not afraid to mention or ask for what she wants. These traits are something that with few exceptions are not found in younger women but older ones. So as I see it, he likely is very flattered and yes, feeling cocky because of what you confessed. He can like that trait without having feelings for you though. He just wants to find a female like that. I said there are exceptions but it depends how quickly females grow up and are not depressed if all people don't like her, doesn't find her worth in what others think of her, no longer care what someones reaction will be to what she says, and so in all ways, is the opposite of the females in HS or college. I think that one of the only things a person can know and feel about themselves from the beginning, at a very young age is that they are making choices that show they are transgender. This is not a sexual preference. Anything else, including non binary and other situations I have a hard time understanding how they exist, but the rest I believe are valid. So if being a friend and being close would feel like torture knowing he won't ever feel the same, then you may have to think hard about spending time with him or not. If you can handle unrequiited like, love, interest or whatever level you are at, then go for it and hang out with him as friends. Since the straight guys already are playful and tease, I don't see any reason why he wouldn't once he see's how they handle it. If he is simply curious about sex with a male but knows he really like females, there is no reason to not show him. Do not however pin all your hopes that maybe he is not straight but gay or bi. There is such a labeling as 'bi-curious' although I have seen it happen with women, wanting to watch or participate just once because of their curiousity. Even I though I know I am straight, actually spent time with a female who was bi, just once to see what it was like. It was just sex, not being in love with her. So that was easy to handle. For you, if you convince him or he volunteers, the end result may not be what you expect. It is possible for things to go sideways and him avoid you forever. Even hetero couples who split have a hard time being near some one they used to have sex with and will try to avoid due to the uncomfortable feelings that might come up.
So just be yourself, and either he will like to be your friend not not. That should be enough for now. then once you hit mid twenties or older, it is easier to get a reading on what it is you really want sexually. Only then, be concerned about all the nuances of a romantic /sexual relationship and finding it. For now, be content with your sexuallity. If you know you are gay but find only one woman who really appeals to you and she's okay with you being with men, you might actually be bi. But as said, that isn't something to worry about at a time when most people your age have no clear idea what they are or even better, are sure due to experiences they have had, as to what they truly are.
]
More Questions: |