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What do I do now that I know my friend has a secret crush?
I have a guy friend (fake name – Jackson) and we have been flirty friends but never dated or done more than a kiss on the cheek. We have dated other people but always kept our relationship in the friend zone. We both don’t believe in FWB and consider that wrong. We do talk about sex but just like in a generic way friends do. I tease him for being a man whore even though he says he has only done it twice. He calls me the ice queen as a joke because I am a virgin and have turned a lot of boys down.
The deal is he was on his tablet in my room and we were done studying and I accused him of looking at porn as a joke. He denied it but would not show me what he was doing though so when he went to the bathroom I checked out his tablet. I know his password because he is so obvious and uses the same password for everything. I know that was wrong but I am already admitting that. It was no porn but just relationship chat rooms. I did not read the chats but I figured out his profile name. His profile was very poorly done btw with a not great pic and he could do so much better.
So here is the bad part. When he was gone I started going to the same chat site and made up a phony profile to see if he would sign on and my plan was to get him to say something crude and rude and bust him on it like a prank because he is always Mr. Polite. He eventually signed on and I followed him into a chat room. I swear it was called “crush on my best friend” with all these people talking about having the hots for their friend. It did not take long for him to start talking and saying he was with his friend all day and he could not stop thinking about her and he said other things that made it obvious to me he was talking about me. I just lurked and watched him pour out his heart about how bad he wants us to be a couple how he has to hide it whenever he gets aroused around me and how he has all these fantasies of asking me out and being intimate. It was not gross porno talk but like super sincere. He also admitted he was a virgin and lied about having sex to impress me. I decided against the prank and just signed out when he did.
So what do I do? I have this information about how he truly feels but I got it in a sneaky way. I also know his secret that he is still a virgin. I am not mad he lied. It is kind of sweet he wanted to impress me. He does that with other things trying to do sporty things even though he is not an athlete. Deep down I sometimes think of him as a potential BF and what a good BF he would make for someone, but I never considered us seriously as a couple. The things he said in the chat about how he feels about me totally melted my heart and now I see through so many things he has said and done to hide his feelings and act normal around me. Other people have said he was crushing on me but I did not believe it and he would always joke about it and say me asking meant I had a secret crush on him and we laughed it off. Now I feel like crap because he was trying to see how I felt and I shut him down.
He really is a nice boy with good hygiene and a cute face. He sort of reminds me of that boy Robert Irwin whose dad was that Australia crocodile guy who died. He has a great smile. He is wicked ticklish which could be sexy. He has slightly defined abs although he admitted he was flexing them to make them stand out and his arms flex kind of sexy when he puts his hands behind his head. He would be fun to look at shirtless but he does not do that very often. Most of the guys who do weights are brainless in my opinion so if you ask me his normal boy body is way sexy enough. He is very smart at a lot of things and is great at listening and encouraging me. He can be funny and sarcastic but not in a mean way. He needs fashion help and sexier glasses (or maybe contacts) but that is easy to fix.
I am open to giving us a chance as a couple, but how do I do it? Do I confess I spied on him? Do I call him out on being a virgin? Do I apologize for calling him a man whore? Do I just randomly encourage him so he makes a move finally? Any idea on how to drop hints or encourage him? Do I just ask him myself if he would like to try dating each other and pretend it was my idea? How can I give him more confidence so he knows he is a good catch just the way he is?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First I would ask yourself if you would be interested in a relationship with this boy if you did not know his true feelings. Sounds like you have a great friendship and you don't want to do anything that would destroy that. Finding out how he feels is very flattering and being curious about taking this to the next level is natural. It sounds like his feelings for you are certain. You need to make sure exactly what you feel for him. From what you wrote it sounds like you think he would make a great boyfriend but not necessarily a great boyfriend for you. No reason to tell him you spied or know the truth about his virginity. If you determine you really do want more with this guy, tell him you love your friendship, don't want to risk that, but you are curious about maybe more and ask how he feels. I wouldn't move too fast, he might just back off as a reflex.
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It doesn't sound like you'd have much difficulty in getting a physical response from him.
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Its very simple, you ask just one question. Its a question that also helps when a person doesn't know if their friend feels the 'more than friends' chemistry with you. You know now by snooping that he is into you. Although I am into telling the truth, you could too easily spook him into pulling away, maybe even out of embarrassment. So here is the question which must be asked basically as I put it and I will explain why.
"Hey Jackson, I was just thinking, that since we do so well as best friends, I wonder how well we might do as 'more than friends'. What do you think? It is critical you ask the last part giving him a chance to decide.
If he asks first why you ask, just shrug and say, I dunno, it just popped into my head. The asking of his opinion this way gives him a chance to say he doesn't have those kinds of feelings or chemistry with you, or if interested in you as you already know, it's his chance to say, 'Yes, that sounds like a good idea, lets try' and he can save face without admitting he's had a crush all along, or he could take the time to admit right then that he has had a crush on you for quite some time. In this time and age, a female doesn't have to wait for a guy to show interest and ask her out. She can make the first move and this is a good way to get the ball rolling. It is very scary for guys to ask a girl out because of the fear of rejection. You are not asking him if he has feelings or loves you which puts a person on the spot and they easily can chicken out. And to say, you were just thinking, and you wonder .... rather than a profession of how you feel, already should put him at ease. If he does point blank ask if you said this because you have feelings for him, you could stick with the friendship and mention the friendship feelings but they feel really strong so you wonder if it may mean you should try dating. Most guys don't think that far ahead and just let you know yes we can try to be more than friends, or not. Most guys if they still don't profess feelings is fine, you can wait for that at a later time when he has gained some confidence in the relationship. Rather than the possibility of being rejected (which he doesn't know wont apply here) a guy is relieved when presented with a choice to go further than friends. I have heard back from others who have used this line and it has worked for them. I hope it works for you. By the way, the very best of all couple relationships are the ones where not only are the two each others best friend but there is the romantic chemistry to be lovers. If you want to go that far, first check what the age of consent is in your state as some are 16,17 and 18. Good luck.
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