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I feel like my mother is holding me back from getting a job
I feel like my mother is holding me back from getting a job
First things first, I know she’s just looking out for me but I feel like she’s babying me. For context I have autism and a couple of other medical conditions. I’m currently studying media production in the United Kingdom and am searching for jobs in the TV industry (trying to juggle a job with college so that once I am done with college in 2023, I’ll still have something I’ll be doing) which is proving difficult but I’m going to work as hard as I can to try and get there- but my mum doesn’t seem to think any of these jobs are a good fit (as I’m very much an introvert) and just nitpicks them and nitpicks my ambitions or says I can’t juggle both.
So what? She also wonders how I’d be able to get there (I’m dyspraxic so physically can’t drive and public transport is far too loud for me) without her driving me there- taxis are fine! And she feels like because I’m very quiet, I’d be incapable of speaking to the taxi driver to tell him the location I want him to drive me to (I’m a shy introvert, not a mute!) and seems to be somewhat overprotective rather than letting me just do my own thing- at times it’s like she doesn’t realise I’m an adult man now (only just, at 18 but still). It’s weird because my younger sister (aged 14) she lets do far more independent stuff for some reason. It feels like she doesn’t want me to ever go anywhere unsupervised (even though she’s fine with my sister doing so) but the fact is I’m really not a ‘go out’ type of person and if I do it’s just for a quiet walk in the morning (that’s why I loved lockdown- nobody else around) so i find it so bizarre that my mother is protective of me but lets my sister do whatever she pleases. In fact when i first started going on my lockdown walks, she even asked me to bring my sister with me even though those walks were supposed to be an escapism. It’s like she’s trying to lead me down, not just a career path that she personally thinks would suit me, but also a life path, rather than simply allowing me to do my own thing.
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After meeting my 2nd husband, he told me he was likely a high functioning autistic. He was the first child and couldn't stand to be held by his Mom because he felt her intense feelings of Love. Anyone else could hold him. Later in life, through parents marriage counseling, the counselor met with each kid one at a time and was so interested he became a mentor to my husband as a child and I believe that helped him to challenge himself to ovrecome as much of what might identify him as being on the spectrum. In fact most people don't know. What I have learned is that there is no exact standard of what to expect from an autistic person as they can be all over the place in abilities or what they struggle with. Your Mom only knows what she has seen and experienced with you and Moms do worry about their kids, even when they are grown adults, and much older adults. I am a Mom so I know that. With your Mom, it is harder for her especially when she sees how introverted you are, how shy and quiet, and then she worries if there is anything that might upset you enough to have a meltdown. I do not know if it would give her peace of mind to know you live on your own with a room mate who understands your autism and can be a help or someone on the spectrum themselves. There is only so much reassuring you can give in words to her. But this is your life. So only you can know when you have found the right job or job position that is easier for you t handle. Go for what you feel you have interest in. When the day comes you are in your dream job, if you can't handle it, try for something different and know you have not failed, you merely eliminated one job possibility. I know a guy without being on spectrum, going back to school and changing his degree half a dozen times or more. Sometimes on a yearly basis when he showed up with a brother in law for Thanksgiving, he was pursuing something different than the year before. I dont know if this is such a thing but having a counselor trained to work with autistic people whom you could call for help when you need help figuring something out, would be a good thing...as your Mom won't live forever and there will come a time when you will need someone understanding to turn to. There is always private drivers such as Uber and Lyft, or whatever the equivalent is in the UK but that can get expensive for you, so the goal long term is to end up in a job where there is a bus you can take and buy a set of ear protection, not the little ear buds, they only dampen noise a little but the head set that covers your ears so you don't hear a thing. Many people choose these to wear to plug into their phone and listen to their music, and its used by those who use a shooting range to protect the ears. This would help with your not wanting to hear noise from public transportation. So subway, train, bus, it would work there. And ideas like that are what you need to help you start living your life. You need someone whom you can rely on. go for your dreams but there will be decisions you need to make and bouncing your ideas off Mom will not do. You need someone positive who doesn't see autism as something that will hold you back, but just that you need to do things differently sometimes than others. I wish you the best in your future.
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