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No privacy with GF due to flirting sister who is single.
Lucky 17M dating incredible 17F. My girl’s sister goes with us on most dates because the sister broke up with her guy (who was awful). Used to go on double dates which is why I know the dude was truly awful and no good for her. My girl and her sister are twins but not identical just similar. Very different personalities. My girl is sweet and modest and so kind and more religious. She can be a tease but she is serious about waiting on sex and I know I have to just be patient and know the teasing is just for fun. Her sister is blunt and likes to say and do things for shock value and has had bad relationships and admits she is not a virgin. She has a bad reputation which is sad but some of that is bogus and due to jerks talking trash. Had to punch one jerk over it and got detention. Even though she is not the extreme bad girl people seem to think the sister is constantly flirting with me and trying to make me horny and flustered which makes my girl laugh cause she knows how much I am struggling with my own sexual frustration to begin with in the first place. My girl likes getting me flustered too because she knows I will behave no matter how much they make me squirm. She says she is proving to her sister that good boys can be fun too. It is kind of a fantasy for some guys to be with two girls I know and I have had those thoughts but I am not trying to go there and I think the sister is all talk and just likes being affectionate and touching a lot because she does not have a guy of her own and sees how I treat her sister and thinks it would be fun to seduce a nice guy. People can be cruel and spread rumors we are all three having sex together but no one is having sex. The parents keep a very close eye on me and we spend all our time mostly at their house. I think the parents think I am low IQ for some reasons because they talk to me like I am just a silly boy who is friend to both of their daughters. I know it is weird and hard to explain but it is not like that. My girl is my girl and her sister is nice but just her sister to me. It is funny when the sister says inappropriate things just to mess with me mentally and I literally do not know how to react. It is so obvious what she is doing. She told my girl in front of me they should learn to give oral sex practicing on me. Not serious but obviously it put that idea into my head which was frustrating. Watch movies and videos together and they both lay on me and cuddle a lot, including heads on my shoulder or chest and in my lap sometimes. Lots of whispered jokes about my erections during cuddling. A lot of kisses on the cheek and shoulder. It is nice but makes me confused to say the least. Nothing is going to happen no matter how much she teases and flirts with me because I would never betray my girl and I don’t think the sister would actually go there no matter how much she jokes. Do not blame all my sexual frustration on the sister because my girl teases me a lot too just because she likes to know how desperate I am to do it even though we are virgins by choice. Try to create time for just me and my girl but she always ends up inviting her sister to join us and tells me it is important to include her because she is lonely and does not have a nice guy and if she is with us she will be less likely to reach out to someone who is not a good guy for attention. Got bonus points from my girl when I got them both stuff for valentines so the sister did not feel left out. Sister joked I was her boyfriend in her dreams. Asked if she really meant that and she made a joke of it said she doesn’t date virgins even in her dreams. Don’t mind paying for them both when we go out and I have money for that from a good job where I get good tips. Want to stay on good terms because if I ever marry my girl we will be family and because she is deep down a good person who just likes to mess with me because I am what she calls a “church boy.” Not like a perfect oh so great guy though like I am trying to seem amazing. They put up with my annoying ADHD and OCD mannerisms. They both come to my soccer games and sometimes practices so I get the benefit of two fans. They have a good relationship as sisters and I think that is cool, but it still feels weird sometimes. If I had a twin brother, I would not invite him to go with me and my girl on all our dates or let him lay his head on my girl’s shoulder or lap or cuddle with her and me on a couch watching Netflix or youtube. Not asking about giving up being a virgin or trying to initiate something with the sister because not being faithful to my girl is just not going to happen and not what this post is about so please do not make replies about that. Just need advice on how to deal with the right now situation and be a good boyfriend, a good friend to her sister, and a good guy who wants to have more privacy but may not get it.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Maybe it's not always worth being a good guy) I once met two sisters at once) Although such a relationship cannot be <a href="[Link](Mouse over link to see full location).
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Hi There. Your message is a long one and I've found myself creating an almost equally long response.. So, let's begin:
1. Sex: You are both seventeen. Unless I am unfamiliar with the laws where you live, it is a felony to have sex with a minor, even if you are one, yourself. Its called statutory rape and can get you in a whole lot of trouble (even if your partner(s) are willing, for the rest of your life, if you were to do this and get caught. And yes, most likely, you would be discovered.
2. The twin sister: She is BAD NEWS, my friend ! She crosses the line, flirts with you, hangs with undesirables, is sexually active although she, too, is legally still a minor, and you end up getting in trouble over it (detention). She "messes with you mentally" (whatever this means), and what else? I can tell you she needs to be avoided, (other than family gatherings or double dates) even if she is your girl's twin sister. Maybe ESPECIALLY, because of it. She's a tease, oversteps the boundaries of good behavior, and more. Regardless of how nice you are trying to be, or the fact that the twins are bound at the hip, you do NOT need to lying around with or interacting with both of them as you described.
3. Your girl includes her sister in your activities together, but even if done out of kindness, there's something weird and inappropriate about a menage a trois, a "group of three" in your new dating life. They may be twins, but they should not have to be joined at the hip, nor drag you into their follies, unless you really want to do this yourself. And apparently, you don't.
4. OCD and ADHD: you say you have both? They are NOT related. ADHD is a neurological transmitter imbalance, not curable,often inherited, but manageable with a combination of medication and behavior modification techniques, if one wishes to do something about it. OCD has many theoretical causes, some thinking it is psychological in origin, others that it may actually have a genetic origin. It is also treatable through a combination of therapy and sometimes medication.
5. You want more privacy, while being a good guy and a good friend to your girl's sister, both commendable:but expecting you to be so involved with both of them is too much to ask for , from the twins. They may have done everything together up until now, but I would never expect them to share you as a boyfriend.
So, I think the time is at hand for you to set some more appropriate boundaries with the twins, and express what you are comfortable with, where you would prefer some privacy with your girl, not being so responsible for taking care of her sister's social life , etc.
The twins may never have learned to separate from one another, but unless you are fine with things as they are, (and you aren't) someone needs to set limits here. And apparently, it isn't going to be either of them.
Consider that the two of them may have become so grown together over a lifetime, with no one else setting appropriate boundaries, that you may not achieve any changes in their behavior, their inclinations , if not insistence, to live their lives joined at the hip.
Are you ready to express your limits and stick to them? If not, if you aren't willing to walk away, if they refuse to stop including the sister, or sharing you, then don't say a word and live with things as they are.
The choice will be yours, as neither of them seem to think there's anything inappropriate about the "happy threesome" that's developed.
I wish you the best, and I hope that whatever you decide to do, it will serve your own best interests as your topmost priority.
So, if you agree with me that you do not want to continue playing "threesome" with the sisters, then what are you to do? I'd suggest first having a private talk with your girl and letting her know that while you care about her sister, you are no longer willing to share the private time you have with your girlfriend ,with her sister too. Sure, you can split some ice cream with the two on occasion, but all the rest? No way. Indeed, I think both you and your girl are being shortchanged under the present circumstances. Your present arrangement isn't healthy for any of you.
Your girl may or may not be willing or even able to comply, and if so, be prepared and ready to act , if it means walking away from both.
Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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Because you have let this go on so long without saying anything to the contrary when the sister touches you or tries to make you horny, you have unwittingly, made the sister and your girl believe its all okay with you. Since your girl feels the sister must be included on dates and everything, your girlfriend is your biggest issue of the two girls. She is not drawing the line or taking things seriously. What this boils down to is you knowing yourself. Obviously, you know you are not gay. What is also important, is to know if you are monogamous, meaning only one person is romantically in your life. You do not have sex with another and that also includes being monogamous emotionally. So that covers anything not sex. So just the loving touches, cuddles, head laying, whatever, is not one but two girls, and yes I know its not your agenda but it is theirs. What if something happens you can't foresee but lets say sis gets a boyfriend, you and gal get married, and after the marriage loses bf and ends up single again. Can you picture yourself inviting her into your house cus your girl says so, your girl is pregnant and now sis feels left out again, no guy, no prospect of kids and asks you to sleep with her so she can at least get pregnant and have a kid of her own. That may sound crazy but under your arrangement, it is a highly likely thing to occur. What you have right now is not monogamy but polyamory. Poly is about having your core relationship but also with your partners knowledge and okay, having another lover or a couple of them on the side and having in many cases, more than just the lover part. This is a highly complex scenario, I tried this for a while when with my first husband before he became my ex. If a person can't handle getting the usual interactions of a relationship right with one person, adding another just zeros in on what is not working and you have double the issue that is not working. Plus, it usually only works for a small amount of adults in their 30s and on. Teens who are just starting dating, and can't handle one relationship properly will find having another person added into the mix as being overload. So currently, you are on a relationship overload. While it is normal for some to want to wait on sex, it is not normal for a female to want any other female, including her own sibling, to pay attention to, let alone sexually tease her boyfriend. It may be that it is easy for your girl because she hasn't had sex yet with you. Having sex with another person will make another person want to keep you all to themself and not share. That is what is normal. I can't say that what your girl is doing is just silly teen stuff. It may rear its ugly head in the future and once married and having sex, your girl will likely not want her sister touching you, cuddling with you or sexually flirting and teasing. I know any guy would think this was great, attention from two girls at once, or more, but usually the guy is seeing two women who are not related and definitely not even friends. Girls get wigged out about a gf dating their ex. An unwritten rule in the misguided ideas of what is a rule or mandated of dating. Otherwise, to have more than one woman, a guy has to cheat and pretend she's the only one.
You have not spoken up about what you feel is best for you and heck even your girl in the future. There will be rivalry in the future, you can trust that if nothing changes and you continue to allow this. You may have to work up your guts to say something to your girl. Telling her sister will be ignored because you allowed her to, all this time. And your girl may fight you and break up all because she cares so deeply about her sister if you talk to her about this first. It wouldn't even be happening if she thought there was something wrong about it. She is young and inexperienced in matters of relationships. She is running the show, telling you how it will be. If you agree with it all, you have no problem, go along with it for now and deal with the fallout in later years, but not too far in the future, depending on when you and your girl become sexually active. The stuff you mention is not innocent, it can't be ignored and is not something to be quiet about. Your girl is not thinking of future possible scenerios to what she is doing which is dangerous to the health of a couples relationship, when one wants it and the other just goes along cus they are afraid they'll lose their bf/gf if they speak up. So while she may be the most important thing to you right now, how will you feel later. Turn the tables on her, If she can choose one female to do things to you that any other woman would be in hot water doing to a man she wasn't the gf or wife of, then how would she feel about you showing attention to or getting flirts and more from another female you know of who is lonely and doesn't have a current bf. Most likely her argument would be that the other woman is not her sister. So the idea she should be thinking of then is, 'why does my sister get these privileges but I won't let him do so with any other woman?' The answer is, not only is it not normal but women are territorial and what may be fun one moment becomes a big jealousy issues with fights, cold shoulders and eventually a breakup. This is what I see from others writing in on just as odd dating issues so I am not making this up, this is how most people act and react. Come up with other situations, like mentioning being married or girls who have sex now, and their becoming so emotionally attached to their guy that not any female can ever flirt with you or try to arouse you on purpose. There are few women who do not get jealous and there are good reasons for it, mainly because of things their man does and doesn't do. But in general most females will get jealous at some point and never consider trying to arouse their guy, or allowing another to do the same. I find it actually rather mean spirited even if done supposedly in fun for your girl to try on purpose to arouse you. She isn't having to exercise any self control but you are. Did you ever realize this is not fair. If she can, why can't you. If pushed too far, how would she feel if you finally snap and think of having real sex with her sis? Yeah, I know you aren't interested in her but many guys have sex with girls for sex sake, not because they are interested. If she is okay with the flirting and touching, the next step is sex. There is no line drawn between those, just the natural flow of things. I can understand your determination to only love your girl, not her sis, but you also need to look ahead to the future. You may not see it now, but it is trouble for the future. You could end up with both girls hating you, or being forced into a polyamory sort of thing that isn't truly working out as a poly relationship should. Too many get that wrong and are being more like swingers thank in healthy full functioning relationships of more than one. You are okay paying for both which is nice since you are able. It really isn't a one issue situation. The stuff you say you don't want to hear about ARE situations you will have to face at some point or another. This all goes hand in hand, you can't escape things going south at some point. I have no other fancy answer, only that you allowed yourself to get into this situation and you know what you have to do to get out of it. It is not mean to exclude her sis from your dates. If a man learned it was okay with his gal to have another woman in his life, sex or not, there are plenty who would go for it. But there are not many women who would allow it, expecially when sex enters the picture. So far, the only thing you 3 are not doing with each other is penis in vagina sex but the foreplay , some of it, is there which I must state again is not normal, not even logical. So I don't understand how a male is even anywhere near okay with this. Speak up hon, or forever on say nothing and know I was right when this eventually blows up due to jealousy of the girls.
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