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My ex left me with hsv 2 and I just found out, what do I do?
female 22 years old.
I recently changed primary care doctors and they had me do a bunch of blood tests. Today I went ahead and took it upon myself to look at the results. Everything was fine until I saw I tested positive for HSV 2 and I've never been in such a bad mental state. I've only had one partner in my life and we have a daughter together. He is a deadbeat and cheater. I will never get to experience a normal sex life again. The last time I had sex with him was almost 5 years ago. I have. been abstaining from sex for so many years and when I feel ready to find a partner I find this out. I feel beyond disgusting:( What am I suppose to do now?
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You are not alone, since there are many individuals with this same diagnosis. Unfortunately,it is permanent, which you must already now know. It can be controlled, but never cured. There are so many who have this, that there are actually clubs formed, to help members socialize together.
As you navigate through the singles' world and are ready to now date, you will most probably find that there are those who may opt for continuing with you, or not, upon learning about your condition.
No matter what, you owe it to others to be honest and to disclose what you have. And, it is absolutely imperative that you do not engage in sex during the times when you have an outbreak.
There are some things you can do to minimize this, such as taking a prescription drug called acyclovir, as well as the nutritional supplement, lysine. And minimizing stress and fatigue is also considered helpful.
Do know that your life is not over, by any means, including your chances for finding a happy and permanent relationship if that's what you want.
The question arises as to when you should disclose information about your condition, in any new relationship that could lead to having sex. This may be something you wish to reserve discussing until you are getting to know someone better and perhaps ready to consider having sex with them. It may mean that you should not be planning on jumping in the sack with someone you don't know well enough to disclose this sort of information, or to expose them potentially by not telling them and affording them the deserved right to make an informed choice.
Conversely, you also should have the right to be informed on the relevant health of the other person , also.
Again, you are not alone with this, and I wish you well, literally. Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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After leaving my ex and getting a divorce, it was a year before I wanted to date again. I decided it was a good idea to get a full StD screening and I had to ask if herpes test was included. It is not routinely done because a good percent of the population have it. I tested positive, and yet I'd never had an outbreak in my life. My Mom had HSV1 and got sores around her mouth, as I recall from childhood. I was surprised by my diagnosis and a bit shocked as you are. I am guessing you have never had an outbreak. There are many strains with various strengths. There are some really bad disgusting internet pics of what it can look like. I had never had it. Then a year later I had my first outbreak. It was very small, one little spot that first showed up as water blister type thing. Its when the skin burst as it always will, that it hurt due to exposed nerv endings. Yes, it is a sharp pain and wearing pants then is no fun. I do a skirt on a painful day. After I was diagnosed, the first thing I did was add to my dating profile that I just tested positive for herpes, on a regular site, not herpes dating and I still got guys writing to me, and the one I dated said he was positive but never had an outbreak so it wasn't an issue for him. My new husband later also didn't care. He had tested positive and never had an outbreak. Some people are carriers of the virus for life and never have outbreaks.
The reason this is so easily transferred is that a person with herpes, who has never had an outbreak, likely doesn't know they have it. Obviously, most people with an outbreak will not be having sex because it is painful in a stinging pain kind of way every time something rubs against the spot, your clothes or skin or using tissue in bathroom.
So it is being transfered right before the sore or sores develop but the virus which lays inactive at the base of a nerve, will at some point decide to travel up the nerve and sit on the surface of the skin. People who aren't much into listening to their bodies may not catch the change but I do. So what I feel at this stage is a tenderness of the skin somewhere in crotch area, like how a bruise on your skin might feel. Uncomfortable but no pain yet. I usually have the husband check to see if he can see any sores. There never are any at this stage. But we hold off on any sex until after a sore has healed. In 13 years, he has never broken out, and he could two way, his own living in his body, or mine touching his skin. Also, a condom is not protection against this as it only covers the penis and the herpes is most likely on any other skin in that area or even transferred by oneself when wiping, to the anus area. This virus does tend to appear on skin at times of great stress. So simply finding out that you are a carrier and have it, may make you have an episode due to the stress you are having just from knowing.
When I read how common this was now and how there is little stigma with it, I decided to tell my two sisters only to find out, they already both have it. Cant check with final sibling as they died. So as far as I know, 3 out of 4 siblings, and Mom with the oral lind. It had to be passed down by kisses from a family member when she was young as she was a virgin when married, young, shy and an immigrant who moved to states to marry my Dad. So its been around a long time, herpes, that is. So unless you have suddenly lost your vagina, you will be able to have sex, normal sex even. Heres a site for dating with herpes infected. It shows all the groups out there. Or use a regular site but tell the person you are getting close to. I have so few outbreaks that I don't count them anymore. I'd have to guess maybe 3 a year, as I have a milder version of it.
There is a chance your ex doesn't even know he is a carrier. Although he likely got it from having an affair. It may feel good to just not tell him and let him find out when he has an outbreak, but for the sake of other people he is with, better to let him know, an email or text would do. Just know that no one really thinks any less of you for having it. I never got that attitude from anyone.
But you must tell potential new sex partners right up front before wasting time dating and fall for each other. This is one of those upfront things you tell a person you may want to date. If by chance you get a bad reaction from some guy who won't wait around to be educated on it, then he is a douche bag and good riddence. He's not worth the time to getting to know.
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