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Exposed someone to an incurable STD
Male/25 from Nigeria , I got diagnosed with hsv-2 (genital herpes) six months ago and that was my first time of having sex, after the diagnosis I was depressed, I hated myself, and the person that infected me, (I told the said girl I had sex with, and she denied) but I'm sure it was her that infected me, because I had not have sex with anyone else besides her. but over the last two months I've let go of some of the hurt and pains.... But about a week ago I made a very big mistake! which I regret and I'm literally having sleepless night. I slept with a girl without telling her about my condition. it wasn't planned at all and I was having an outbreak(the time that the disease is easily transferred to someone) I used condom but the condom broke,now am scared that I've just exposed or possibly infected this girl. the guilt is eating me alive! seeing her makes the guilt worse. so I ended things with with her. I feel like the most terrible person in the world. I want to tell her, but I don't know how to, and am scared of how she'll react, and she's also about to start her final exams, I don't want something that will distract her, I've got so many things on my mind but the taught of me being the reason someone goes through the pain I went through and messing up her life is too much. I know am a horrible person!... But I want to try and do the right thing I just don't know what, please guys I need advice, what should I do?
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I am sorry for your situation, but you are not the "horrible person" you claim to be. You did not act as you should have done, agreed. But please do not make things worse by not telling the girl she should see her doctor and get tested. She may need treatment. In addition, she may sleep with someone else, and unknowingly transmit the disease to them, as well.
If you are going to be worried, you can also be concerned that she hasn't become pregnant, which is another reason to contact her. If the law is the same in your country, as in mine, and she did become pregnant, you will be legally responsible for child support and morally responsible for more, if she has and keeps a baby.
As for the person who gave you the disease,but denies having it, its possible that she has it but doesn't know it, if she has had no open outbreaks. She should get tested, nevertheless.
Do know that from now on, you are obligated to inform any potential sex partners in advance and to take required precautions, i.e., avoiding sex when you have an outbreak, of course, and probably avoiding genital skin to skin contact (use condom) at all times anyway. Educate yourself. Go on line, consult a doctor, or both.
Unfortunately, there is no cure, and you will simply have to live with this from now on. So do the right thing, and do whatever it takes not to pass it along to someone else.
There are many, many people who have this, but who go on to live otherwise normal lives, including sex, marriage, having children, etc. You must, however, continue to cope with it and be alert for symptoms.
Go on line or consult your doctor, there are some things you can do to avoid outbreaks, such as minimizing stress. There is also some evidence that taking a prescription medication, acyclovir, and also the amino acid, lyseine, helps reduce outbreaks.
Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
P.S. I am not a medical doctor.
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From a person who also has herpes, I have some things to share. I was divorced. Left the area to be away from ex. In a year I was back for daughters. At the time I knew I wanted to find myself a new partner so I had a screening for all sorts of STDs including herpes. It was good I asked because they said they usually don't screen for it as its so common these days for almost everyone to have it that its not worth it unless someone asks. I was told I have it. I called the last partner I had and told him. I also changed dating profile to say I had herpes. A guy wrote me who said he was told he had it too but never had an outbreak. Neither had I. Over the years, I found it came out only when stressed. But there are times I didn't get it with stress. I have a strain of it that is mild. One little spot that is gone in 4 days. What I learned after being open about it, people can carry it and not know they have it, due to no outbreak but they can still pass it on. Yes, a breakout will transfer it but more people transfer it when they don't have an outbreak. Even a little spot hurts and stings, once my skin is open. I don't want sex then, too painful. So I can't imagine people infected having sex while having an outbreak as you say you did. You must read up on internet about it because most transmissions are before the outbreak is felt and visible. The herpes virus sleeps for a while at the base of a nerve and when it wants to, travels up the nerve to the surface of the skin. You still don't have an outbreak but the invisible virus is on your skin. Its because of how easy it is to be not visible but still contagious with touch of skin that herpes gets transferred so easily and why so many people have it. I discovered both my sisters have it too. I realized now that my Mothers cold sores around her mouth that she had regular outbreaks of, was the herpes 1. By the way, wearing a condom does not fix the problem. It only covers the penis and in time depending on where it is, you may transfer it to another part of you down there.It doesn't spread like a rash. I had my usual first spot on lips and at some point transfered the germ when I wiped, to my butt. That should tell you how transmissible it is, even on toilet tissue, if it is on the skin. I pay close attention to my body and have since learned what it feels like when its right before an outbreak. The skin in the area affects, though healthy, will feel like I am wearing too tight pants in the crotch area. The skin can feel like a mostly like an almost healed bruise, a bit tender to the touch. If I happen to get fingers accidently touching myself, I will wash hands at that time and use sanitizer on hands to prevent accidently moving the virus to where ever I touch next on my body. There are medicines you can get prescribed if you see a Dr. I hear they work great to help healing, and transfering the virus on your skin. I have never needed it. The guy I mentioned was not afraid to date me and we had sex, he never got it. I am now remarried to a man who also was told he is a carrier but has never ever had an outbreak. We are together now almost 13 years and he has never caught it from me. We don't use condoms. We are married and I just tell him when my skin down there has a spot that feels tender and we won't have sex a couple days to see if it turns into a sore. So The best you can do is see if Dr. can prescribe a medicine for you, pay attention to your body, trying to see if you can feel anything different in the area affected, so it gives you a warning to not have sex, wait a few days to see if an outbreak occurs. Then do not have sex at all til it is healed again. Any person you have had sex with, you must tell them you have it. It doesn't mean you won't find any partners. There are even dating sites for those who have it. Although I was on a regular dating site where I simply added that i just found out I was a carrier of the herpes virus. People who have been told they have it, outbreak or not, are most likely to be happy to meet you. But some may not have it. The decision needs to be left up to the female. At your age, I don't know how many females will act. If they don't have symptoms, they still could have it. So likely the girl you got it from has spread it to as many lovers as she has had. If she won't get checked, there is nothing you can do for her. Just read up on all the facts and then for new possible mates, be upfront and tell them and let them know you are willing to share what you know and why it is the most easily transfered STD.
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