|
foster parents nice but awkward
Hello smart people. I need to have some advice. I understand not to use real names so I will use middle names. Me = Miguel. Foster Dad = Shawn. Foster Mom = Sarah. Foster Brother = Patrick. I have been living with this family for 14 months now. I am 13 and in eighth grade and Patrick is 14 and is a freshman in high school. OK, so those are the people in the story.
I have been living with this foster family for 14 months. They have been the best foster family I have ever had. When I was assigned to them I was very angry and rude and acting out. They did not know what to do with me. One day I said some horrible things to Sarah which I will not repeat and she cried and Patrick got so mad he was shaking and wanted to kill me I think because I made his mom so upset. They called family services and I thought I was going to be taken away. They had me come in the living room with them and the case worker and I was scared it was over. Shawn said they forgave me because they knew I was just mad and asked if I would please like to stay and keep living with them. I was like amazed and cried like a punk. I apologized and Shawn made up some chore punishments and I did them and did not complain and they have never said anything about how I acted at the beginning again.
I have been in some horrible places with people who were just about the money and did not care about me and should never be allowed to have kids or foster them. One foster dad went to jail because of things I reported that were illegal and I was kicked out and homeless for a while. My biological parents were worse.
I am in a safe place now with good people who care about me for real. Shawn works very hard for the family for a construction company and teaches Patrick and I about how to do home improvement stuff. He also takes us camping and teaches us outdoor survival stuff which is cool. Sarah sometimes talks to me and Patrick like we are little kids, but she is always doing things for us. She even sets out our clothes each day like we are little kids. Patrick said to just wear the outfit she picks and change later if I don’t like it. She makes us all go to Mass even though I am not sure I am Catholic, but I am not going to complain. Patrick is like a real brother to me and even got himself beat up protecting me from some scary dudes. He told them to leave his “brother” alone. I was blown away when I heard him say that. I told him he was Captain America to the rescue even though he got thrashed. I never had anyone stick up for me before.
I really love the three of them even when they annoy me. Shawn and Sarah are so strict and old school Catholic they could be a meme. We have to say "sir" and "ma'am." We don’t even get to play mature video games. They monitor the internet and I am sure they will see I visited this website. If they read this, it may solve the problem I am asking about. Patrick is like a puppy just trying to make them happy and do everything right. I used to make fun of him but now I guess I am trying to be like him now too.
I asked Patrick once why he was an only kid and he just said it was medical. I guess Sarah lost a lot of babies in pregnancy before and after Patrick. Apparently he had therapy at some point for something and Patrick said his therapist said the reason he is so compulsive about being the “perfect son” is because he is trying to make up for their loss. He joked that now the pressure is on me too. Even though he was joking part of me feels like that because I do want to make them happy.
The reason I am writing for advice is something Shawn and Sarah are doing that is kind of cringy even though they have good intentions. I am Hispanic, but I don’t actually speak Spanish and I am not really into Latino culture. I guess it is interesting, but I was never raised in an Hispanic home. I really just want to fit in with everyone. They are like trying so hard to “honor” my Latino heritage. They use Spanish words and phrases they have learned that I don’t even know what they are talking about and have to look up with google translator. They plan these little celebrations which are Mexican themed with decorations and Mexican food. I don’t know how to tell them my biological parents families were both from Colombia and not Mexico. I just don’t want to embarrass them. Thankfully, I like tacos so I just eat it. They even had a pinata for my 13th birthday – which is also weird also because I am 13 and not a little kid. Somehow they got a Leprechaun pinata for Patrick’s 14th and he acted like it was cool even though I know he thought it was stupid. They have a sombrero hanging from a peg in my room and I have one of those blankets on my bed.
I asked Patrick about it and he showed me where all these Mexican decorations are stored in the garage and these books they read to be ready to foster a Latino youth. He asked me to just go along with it and not embarrass them, so I don’t say anything. I know there hearts are in the right place but sometimes it is so hard for Patrick and I not to laugh when they get all relatable and thinking they are cool parents because they know Latino stuff. On the other hand, I am afraid it might hurt their feelings more and make them feel foolish if they find out some day they were going too far and I did not say anything.
What do you think I should do? Say something? Say nothing? Have Patrick say something even though he does not want to? Tell them I like Irish stuff just like them? Tell them no more pinatas of any kind? Admit I don’t know Spanish? Go and learn Spanish? I just don’t want to hurt their feelings because they are actually really wonderful people and deep down more than anything I want them to be my forever family.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Hello, I'd like to answer your question, and I may have something significant to share, as I worked as a social worker with foster parents for many years. But your question(s) is (are) buried in a lengthy description making it difficult to ferret out the details . If you could please write again and cut way down, limiting yourself to outlining your concerns in a briefer fashion, I'm sure that you will receive additional and hopefully useful replies. Thank you, Dr. Stephanie
]
If you are concerned about their reaction, you may want to give them time to digest what you share in a note/letter to them. This way, they can go through whatever embarassment they may have.
What helps when sharing your preferences, just pay them compliments first. What you told me here, will just melt their hearts. What if they found out from somewhere that you are not interested in Latino culture, just have Latino blood in your veins. If its been going on for years where they do this, they will wonder why you didn't say anything sooner. I know I would wonder and then they may try to come up with reasons in their minds as to why you said nothing and if doing pinata' is their idea of a great birthday for teen boys, then you don't want to leave them wondering and coming up with even crazier things.
So tell them first, in letter or in person how special they are, that you appreciate how hard they try, and let them know how much you love what they do, or if ready, that you love them and Patrick. Then you say, "Because I really care about you, I feel I have to say something. You are trying so hard to honor my heritage but in fact, I was never raised Latino, so it is all strange to me, even don't speak Spanish. Maybe when I am an adult, I might get interested enough to study the culture but right now, the only thing that means anything to me, is how hard you are trying to make me happy, to feel special and I wanted you to know so that you can drop the trying to share this culture and Latino Holidays with me. Since we are talking about this, I have to say, I and Patrick outgrew pinatas a long time ago. If you want ideas of what I might like for a birthday celebration, just ask me. Yeah, it won't be a surprise but I'd be okay with that." You can put that all in your own words and if writing, say you have no problem telling them in person but for their sake, regarding feelings, you wanted to give them time to digest this.
If I am truthful, I don't know what teens may like these days, even though I was once a teen. Society and technology has changed since my school days and what I may have liked is too old fashioned and not interesting for teens. So I struggle with what to do for teens and even young adults since I am into my sixties now and the world is so different. I am so happy though to hear how blessed you are. Show this family your love whenever you can. Listen close watch close and you will know what special things you can do to show them how much you care. It may be small against what they are doing for you. And don't worry about the Catholic thing. Do it for them for now. Once you are 18, you can explore to see if any other faith feels more right or whether non at all is better. People have their own beliefs in a God and do pray but do not attend any church. Remember that the most important thing when it comes to faith is a personal relationship with God, the church is only the building housing other believers when they come together for services.
]
More Questions: |