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Physical Relationship With Adult Female Boss
I have a question about how to handle something that could be awkward. It is not a crisis right now, but it is something I am thinking about and wondering how to handle it when it comes up in the future.
I am 16M. I am having a consensual sexual relationship with my female supervisor at work. She is older than me at 26. I am a dishwasher at a restaurant and she is an assistant manager in charge of my shift. After we started being physical she made sure my two shifts each week are for the closing shift when she works (which is fine with me).
It all started when she found out I lied about my age on my job application. I was actually 15 when I started. I am trying to save money to get a car. Still working on that. She called me in to her office after closing and demanded to see ID. I did not have a license yet so I confessed and begged her not to fire me.
It was kind of pathetic looking back. She said I seemed so desperate and panicked over a dishwasher job. I told her I would do “anything.” She made me repeat that and she emphasized “anything.” She told me to take of my shirt and did this sexy inspection thing. She asked if sex was on the table and I said I would do that even if she was not blackmailing me. So it started that night.
While I could go into details of stuff we do together I don’t see how that has anything to do with my question. Let’s just say she is teaching me a lot and I love her super demanding high expectations. She has a thing for younger guys and I guess and I am turned on by the age difference and the whole proving my manhood to her thing. And yes, I was a virgin and I am glad she was the one.
She does not cut me any slack at work. She is actually way more demanding on me and even acts like I am a screw up. People are like “Why does she hate you so much?” Sometimes I think she overdoes it, but she will like wink at me when she does it and says it is just so people do not realize we like each other (which makes sense). I am actually a hard worker and helpful to everyone and I don’t really make a lot of mistakes. It is a game to see if she can find something minor to exaggerate so she can ream me out in front of other people. Sometimes she just makes stuff up just to bust on me for show. It is hard not to laugh sometimes.
As much as I like her (even beyond the sex), we are obviously not dating. We are just having sex and playing sexy games she makes up. Everything is on the down low. We would both get fired for sure. My parents would freak. She also might get in legal trouble which I do not want. That is why I have to be careful about asking for advice.
Here is the problem. We are both single now, but if one of us met someone we liked and wanted to date them and have a legit relationship, I feel like we would have to end our sex adventures to be faithful to that other person. I assume she would feel the same way, but I don’t know.
I am not sure how to bring this up to her. It is not an issue now, so maybe I would just spoil things by bringing it up until it is actually an issue. I don’t think she would actually fire me but I don’t want to make her mad or disappoint her or make things weird. I also don’t want the fun we are having right now to stop. I don’t want her to get the wrong idea like I am cooling off and looking for an excuse to stop. To be honest, I feel like I am lucky out of my mind to be in this situation like a fantasy come true. But I know if can’t last forever and she would never take me seriously as a boyfriend even I was legal. Any advice would be welcome.
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Dear Sixteen year old male: You asked what you should do to discuss a potential future issue with the 26 year old you are having sex with. I can tell you, the way to bring up any issue or question for discussion, is to state your concern and listen carefully, and compose our own replies. You also mentioned that you don't want things to end, that you are "having fun right now", but also that you are "cooling off."
Dear Teemager, you don't need "an excuse to stop", or even an explanation. Understand, that because you are a minor, the law says that you are being molested and this is a CRIME. I can guarantee you , that one way or the other, this will soon stop. It is also highly likely that you and she will be discovered.
And, chances are good that your 26 year old supervisor will not only lose her job, and you will , as well, but that she will be charged with a crime, convicted, and go to jail.
If you don't want to see this happen, you tell her, RIGHT NOW, that its over, that you are no longer available. And further, as long as she is there, you need to quite your job and LEAVE.
Either you can tell someone in authority, e.g,, HER boss, the police, child protective services,your school counselor, or , guess what, YOUR PARENTS (!), or someone is going to discover this anyway.
There are good reasons why this is a crime and you are considered a victim, even if you are willing and have consented on your own to participate.
Now: having advised you thusly, I also have to consider that you may be making all this up? If so, please don't waste our time, when there are folks with genuinely servious issues in need of help.
If not, good luck and good wishes, now do the right thing. ~Dr. Stephanie
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Now you see in looking back, how one lie has grown out of proportion and created this situation. I have a sis who lied about her age to start working but it was regular work with no sexual benefits. While lying to get a job is against the rules, I want to address what she did. Blackmailing you where you lose a job or have sex with her is something I can understand a young man falling for. Heck my 2nd husband as a busboy at a restaurant at 19 had women patrons going after him for the same but he was of age, so no problem. And it ranged from gals in their twenties to divorced women in 30s and 40s, who did not want marriage but still wanted sex. Here's the warning, something I learned with my divorce after almost 30 years of being verbally abused. The red flags were there but I did not know what they were at the time. When it comes to something major like this, whatever little you might see, is almost always not a one time going against rules or breaking a law. Its kinda like seeing a teeny tiny chunk of ice floating in the water. Its so small, it can't hurt anyone you think. But as so many programs on TV have shown, beneath the surface of the water is the rest of the iceberg and its huge and can cause a lot of damage. So you may think you are safe, you won't tell. But you can't predict what she will do. Think of how many guys would love to know her, guys of legal age who only want sex, unless she is ugly as hell, any guy wanting sex without a commitment is going to think they just died and went to heaven if she gave them sex. The bad thing is her stooping to blackmail to get sex. Look at it this way, I am in my sixties, married, but if I wanted to just get sex on the side, any age, young or older, I would find it easy, not as many prospects but there'll always be a handful. I get guys writing me on facebook asking to date or have sex, they are not on friends list, so I am not exaggerating here. That is the first thing wrong here. The fact she
didn't just think it in her mind but acted on it by saying what she did, shows she is capable of doing more of the same and worse. A person willing to choose to do what they know is wrong, is like the iceberg. You only see this one act of hers but there is a whole lot more of the same just hidden. Thats the second thing that sounds wrong here. I learned the hard way. This woman is not going to treat you like a cherished friend with benefits if something goes wrong. Say someone else does a routine check up on her, or discovers this deal somehow. If it came to her job or yours, she'd sell you out. All you are is a sex toy to her. I can say this because I know what the sell out type is from my first husband to the 2nd one with whom we are mutually in love with, caring about the others welfare. It would never occur to us to protect our self and not give a F&%^ about the other. If for some reason, we're going down, it will be together. This woman could easily say they are mistaken, that you overpowered and attacked her one night on closing shift forcing her to have sex with you, and it was just that once. When there is no solid proof unless camera's c aught you both, it will be her word against yours and tho you may not get charged since it can't be proven, just in case it is true, the top boss would likely fire you. SHe is in a bad spot because if found out, she would go to jail, you are still a minor. You know that. Most people would not think of jeopardizing their job over maybe getting caught. You seem to be most concerned about what to say to get her talking about the what if either of you met someone and fell in love. This brings us to what makes a relationship successful or have a fighting chance. The foundation for a long term or life long relationship is two fold, being each others best friend, and being each others sexual equal, meaning liking the same things, same libido strength, and so on. You need to decide whether to continue and take your chances or let her continue the black mail. At this point, if you can find a way to prove she is consentually having sex with you, then you could warn her it is over and that if she wants to try to blackmail you further that you will tell the police what has been going on. If she allows it to stop and doesn't say anything to cost you your job, then you work in peace but no other stuff and she gets to keep her job. Its one thing to allow someone too young to start a job and its a bigger crime to blackmail for sex. You could wait to see what may happen in the future. There are a few states that may differ so you may want to look up your state but with limited hours, most people cant work at 15 with no heavy labor or dangerous parts to the job. Please check out this link providing such info.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
So they may have given you more hours than the 15 hr limit per week when age 15 due to your lying, which could hold the whole company liable if anything ever goes wrong for you on the job. You may not want to stop a situation of free sex but what could go wrong is not little inconveniences. If your job says you have to be 16, or 18 but the state law is different, I believe the higher number rules, which would mean personal choice of age limit minimum is companies choice. If you are eligible to work at age 16 according to your state's laws, then there is nothing to stop you finding work elsewhere and getting away from a very bad situation
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