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Is he interested? Is he being a jerk? Why is he around me?
This is kinda annoying but I was kinda interested in a guy who is younger than me and I am in my 30's and he is in his 20's. I don't think we are that far apart in age. He seems like a fun guy but from judging from what I can see he cares too much about what people think of him and I can see he has some growing up to do. I don't know this guy that well but he is in the dance community so I know him from seeing him and started becoming a dance teacher. Over the years I have seen him dance by me on purpose with friends or he's near me with his friends. I also think he knows that I like him and I have complimented him on his dancing. He said he was flattered when I told him I liked his dancing. In the past I have tried messaging him and he ignored me. But one thing that puzzles me is that he always seems to be around me and gets kinda nervous when he dances with me. His classes are fun, he seems like a fun guy and I can tell he's a pretty intelligent guy, so somehow I'm kinda an admirer lol. Needless to say I wish the guy was more interested in becoming friends or whatever. Another person I know said he is autistic. Most people I know who are autistic are smart people! Also I notice in class he does some backwards things but it could be just nerves or doesn't realize he does it. I'm just confused by him and why is he always by me. I think I have overheard him say in the past to one of my friends saying I was attractive but he said hot lol.
I know I sound judgmental but I just don't get him haha. What would you do? Leave him alone? Try to make a friend? I think he might be snobby with some of his friends and two-faced...?
Is he interested? Is he being a jerk? Why is he around me? He does smile a lot at me. Is he just as confused as I am? haha
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You have lots of questions about this person, particularly whether he would be receptive, if you tried to make friends with him, or even more. The only thing I can suggest is that you will never know, unless you give it a try. If you are prepared for it to go either way,and so be it, you will have nothing to lose by reaching out to him. You cannot really know what's in his heart,whether he's interested in you, or not, etc., unless you do this.
And once you do, you will also have the opportunity to decide whether you, yourself, would be interested in having more of a relationship with him, or not. Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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If you are looking only for the next fun thing in your life to entertain you, then no matter his age, unless younger than 18, go for it. Befriend him and have your fun. I mention fun because you used the word over and over. There is way more to a good stable and rewarding long lasting relationship than just having fun. I don't know you. You could be disillusioned with guys your age or older who let you down, or a party girl, not looking for anything serious, or anyone to settle down with. Then you could be seriously hoping to meet the right guy someday but will date and have fun while waiting for the right guy to come along. Or you may be serious, wanting him for your life partner. If its any of the last two mentioned, and you are really serious, I must bring up the scientific fact that brains don't develop as fast as our bodies do. Scientists say that roughly by age 25 a persons pre frontal lobe will finally be done growing. How does that translate to befriending someone or dating them? Decisions, assumptions, speech, and so much more is affected by ones age. At 25, women may be mature but many men if truly honest will know they didn't really get it and mature mentally until into their 30s. Ages ago I watched a youtube video done by two males speaking of all the great woman they wished they had never dumped or walked away from. They admitted to saying and doing stupid stuff that ruined many relationships until they grew up. So while he may look hot, seem interesting even as just a friend, he may not be able to even be a good friend yet, cause he's still thinking like a teenager rather than the adult he is. If concerned about autism, it really depends how functional he is. My 2nd husband was born a high functioning autistic, which means he's learned to act in society like everyone eles and if something is triggering him, to remove himself from it or if its me, ask me to stop for the time being. I rarely see his autism pop up. Its only like if I am mindlessly playing with his hair, stroking it, and it felt good only to one point and then it switched and felt bad to him, it hurt is how he described it and asked me to stop. So now, I will at times check in and ask if it still feels okay or should I stop. Throw a thank you party for all your dance clients to attend at the location where you teach dance. My ex's gym trainers held one such party a year. They had door prizes, lots of food and booze and paid for a bus to take the whole bunch later to a sports game. Depending on the space, check with owners if alcohol for one party is okay. This way he can be present at a time there is no dancing and you are not teaching. This maybe a way for you and him to talk in a no pressure way. If you know how to lead conversation to make a question seem natural and not weird and out of the blue, you may be able to find out some of the things you want to know. Heres what I mean by leading a conversation. Say you want to know approximately where some one lives. You start a conversation and make a statement about yourself,best to have it be a truth so you don't have to remember what you said to whom, later. You: Hey, how about we mention some things we like. You go first. Them: Okay, I like dance, of course, or I wouldn't be here. I like bike riding to keep fit in another fun way. You: Cool. I happen to like old houses for their character. I went once on a Victorian home tour. Have you ever seen any? them: No, not in real life but on TV. They do look nice. You: I wish I lived in one right now. But I happen to live in an apartment in the Greenbranch neighborhood. Where abouts do you live? Them: I live in . . .
Do you see what I am saying? You have to be quick on your feet as far as coming up with the next question but it should start first with you offering something about your self or you sharing a short tale before asking another question. Try it and see if you don't find out lots more about him like if he's single, hoping to date and if he doesn't mind older women. This way it wont sound like an interrogation or awkward when you ask what you want to know.
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Let's deal with the perception not equaling reality part. You have this idea of him as being snobby or two-faced or immature without knowing much about him period other than what you see in class. I wouldn't call it judgmental but rather jumping to conclusions and making assertions without really knowing him.
I doubt he is ignoring you either but rather doesn't know how to approach you or talk to you. Sometimes it's harder for someone who may have a disability autistic or not to approach others and make a connection. He likely is nervous that you will reject him for being different plus the fears most guys have about approaching girls.
He likes you and it's evident but is pretty nervous as I'm sure you are too of rejection. I think the best thing to do is introduce yourself and tell him you would like to get to know him better and possibly hang out. That will help you make friends with him and if dating happens after than that's a bonus. At least you will have a friend.
Yes, autistic people are very smart and we are only scratching the surface on what autism truly is. I know however, from my own experience that what appears to be immaturity is actually a child like quality at times and reasoning may be different than ours too. Sometimes they may seem distant but it's not because of anything you said or did.
Dating, friendships and relationships are very hard to form and keep. I think by you reaching out first and letting him know all is okay and how you feel will turn out positive and break down any communication or barriers that may exist.
Believe me if he didn't like you he would have not put any effort into trying to get your attention or overtly be around you all the time. So yes, you're both as confused as each other. Talk to him. He won't bite you if you like him. See where it leads. Invite him to a movie or to hang out with friends. He probably is worried about how people perceive him and isn't sure what you think of him. Having an open and honest talk with him may lead to something fantastic whether or not you end up in a relationship.
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