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my best friend ghosted me
I am a 22 years old female. my best friend is 29 and a male. we met during the beginning of the pandemic in 2020. we met online and were inseparable. we haven't met because we live in different countries but we have each other on social media and use use call all the time.. we were both going through so much at the time, we grew dependent on each other through the tough times. being the big age gap he helped me understand so much in my life. I was able to get help by going to therapy for my anxiety and depression. we have been best friends for almost 2 years. it's 100% platonic. he has had a girlfriend for about 10 months and she knows about me. there are no problems. the last time we spoke was January 22 we were suppose to play a video game but I fell asleep. when I woke up I messaged him and have not gotten a single reply back since then. I've texted him, messaged on social media and nothing. he completely ghosted me out of no where. a mutual friend we have told me they are still in communication. why did he leave me hanging? it's beyond painful im struggling so much to deal with this loss of friendship. I've been so sad the past week, I so desperately miss my friend. what do I do?
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It sounds as if you think he ghosted you because you fell asleep and missed playing a video game? This doesn't sound reasonable...or true. Since your mutual friend has informed you that he's still living and breathing, we can only guess what the real reason might be.
I have a suspicion that it may have to do with his girlfriend and that she might not be as tolerant of his relationship with you, as you have thought. If this is the case, he at least owed you an honest explanation, and it was extremely rude and uncaring of him to simply drop you like a hot potato, out of nowhere.
I can also understand how his girlfriend might be concerned at the very least, or jealous, etc. of your friendship with him.
Here's what you do. You tell yourself that the person you thought was your dear friend really is someone else, someone who treated you badly in a way you didn't deserve. He apparently is not the person you thought he was. And as such, you don't need to feel so bad about losing him.
On line relationships are generally notorious for being unstable and not leading to much of anything in the long term, and its amazing that you and he have lasted this long, without ever having met in person in the first place.
Take the energy , time and attention that you invested in this person and find someone who is really available to you, who lives where you do, and who doesn't have another girlfriend.
This one is toast.
Good wishes, good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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I've had an internet friend or two in the past. So I know how you feel when you don't have that person to speak to. I even had one guy think he lost contact with me, something he did wrong, and then write how glad he was to find me again. However, I was single and divorced and needed a best friend. Once I met my 2nc husband, he became my closest friend+ more and we both then had each other to confide in and help support each others goals, dreams and help with our weaknesses. That old friend on line eventually faded away and I didn't miss him because I had my husband to talk to.
Just as with LDRs, a friend on line whom you have never met, has their real life, a tangible one, meaning one they can touch with all their senses. On line, maybe you can see and hear what they share but you do not know unless they tell you, what else is going on in their life beyond the phone or computer. Yes, talking to each other on line is real life but I am talking about more. After all, when spending time with a girlfriend, you sometimes do more than talk, like cook and eat together, go shopping together, bike ride, and so on. Its shared experiences. He has a girlfriend which may play into this mystery more than you falling asleep and not being there to play a video game together on line. In the 10 months, something may have happened. After all, it doesn't take a year or 10 months to know you have the person you want to marry. Maybe they are engaged and spending every little bit of time together. So now in importance, say of a mans own priorities being like the sections of a totem pole, you are no longer a top priority as in the past. This could all be a wrong guess. He may have a computer that died, or a cell that was destroyed and has to be replaced. I know a month is too long a time to get this kinds of things replaced, but money may be an issue. Why not wait another month, then try contacting him again. If he still doesn't get on and explain what happened, then it has something to do with his GF, even if he says its okay. If they are living together as well, as she sees him online talking to you when she needs his full attention and he doesn't give it cus he's being fair to you, then ultimatums could have occured, and not wanting to lose her, he chose to ghost you. I can't say for sure but give it time, try again and if no response, you'll know you just have to grieve the loss as if he had died. Oh, that brings up a question. If he didn't have shots or boosters, he may be in the hospital fighting for his life...theres that possibility. Just pray for him, in case.
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