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My friend wants to come with us on my family trip, but...
My friend wants to come with us on my family trip. But I really want to spend my time with my family because we rarely hang out just us. My friend wants to go out on a trip but how do I tell them that without hurting their feelings?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
My daughters brought a friend often on family camping trips. As already explained, you can't have control over how she reacts. That is on her. Not you. It could be her family has never gone on any outing together and she wants to see what it is like. That is understandable. However, with how you feel about it, I hardly would think that you would invite her. She likely invited herself, It isn't good manners to do so. Imagine your wedding and someone you don't know well or don't want at your wedding is inviting themselves to it."I want to go, just send me the wedding invite so I know where, date and time. Oh and let me know what you want for a gift." How a bout talking to your Mom, letting her know how you feel about the trip and you wanting time alone with your family. If you are too afraid to tell her the truth, ask Mom if its okay if you tell the friend your parents said this trip was only family time, so maybe another time. (even if that time never happens) You have to get a parent to be okay with you saying this. It takes the pressure off. If she gets angry, it won't be at you, just your parents, and it's more likely the friendship will continue without issues over not going on the trip with you. Do not say the parents said no without asking their permission to basically use their names for your excuse. I am a Mom and if a child told me they would rather have family time than allow a friend to invite themselves on the trip, I would feel so happy to hear that. So if I was asked to use my name as the no sayer, I wouldn't mind.
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You can't control whether or not someone will get hurt or not. I would tell her that while you would have liked for her to come that your parents planned the vacation before she expressed interest. Tell her that you are open to the future. I would also stress that your family has been going through a difficult time. Let her know they haven't been communicating well with one another or being together that often and that this was why they booked the trip. Let her know that there isn't a budget this time to take someone else or in the event of a plane trip inability to get another ticket etc. If you tell her the truth I'm sure she will get it.
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I wish you had given your age and gender, and some more background information about your friendship. In any case, you can try to be as tactful as possible, but still get the message across that this is a "Family Trip", and that friends will not be included. That's reasonable. If your friend gets "hurt feelings" over this, that's a sign that they may have some problems with over dependence upon you, and should not be considered your fault in any way. You are under no obligation either to take your friend with you, especially since you don't really want to do it; simiiarly, you are not accountable for how your friend responds. Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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