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My neighbors, who is a scientist lacks emotional intelligence
My wife passed away last December from cancer, this year has been very difficult for me. I've practically been isolated. I am still very devastated, I miss my wife so much. My neighbors gave me a gift and a card. When I opened the box it was a coffee mug with a face sculptured on it. The card read " So you don't feel alone when you're drinking." This really hurt and bothered me. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
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I'm sorry for your loss, it must have been very difficult for you. Your neighbors attempted to cheer you up, but were rather lame brained about it. Don't be so offended, its only their dense obtuseness that got in the way of their feeble attempt to do something nice. What you might do, is to contact a grief counseling group to help support you through this time and reduce the isolation you've been experiencing. Hospital social workers can refer you, as can your physician, or even the reference section of your local library.You may also wish to try individual counseling for awhile. Thank your dumb neighbors for their good intentions and let it go. Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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Some of us as souls are a bit more advanced than others. So the neighbor used something that was originally made as a joke, to give to you. But I don't think he was joking. He probably realized that you must still miss her horribly and have no clue what to say to you. Then he saw the mug with a face on it and thought how much you must miss having another face to look at and talk to and felt that though a very poor facimile, this gift would help him to convey to you how he realizes you must miss her alot. I truly believe it was given with good intent. Even though how it was carried out, was hurtful to you. Unless you have witnessed this neighbor being mean tempered with his family and you and other neighbors and that is who he is, he is likely understood wrongly. Now you have a right to how you feel but how you feel and react can not be blamed on the actions of others, no matter how terrible those actions. Just as a person can't change just from being told or watching another person, and change or desire for it must come from within, self generated, the same will go for intent. Lucky for us, God looks at the intent of our hearts rather than at the poor result. Myself, if I got that same mug and card, after losing my mate, I know I would have at least smiled if not burst out a short bit of laughter and then started crying out of lonliness and missing him all over. So even though the gift and card did not help you, think of the fact that he actually was thinking of you, not ignoring the situation from his cozy home. Even if this was his only time giving you something, at least he eventually did. I have a suggestion that only you will know if you can handle it. I don't know how close you relate with this neighbor but am guessing not much. It would be wonderful to break the ice by inviting him and his wife if there is one, to come to your home for dinner. It doesn't have to be fancy. Store bought prepared meals or something delivered from a food place. Have cider or something hot to drink and drink from that mug for him to see. He will feel good thinking he did well but you have him there to talk to and hopefully, if there are some things in common, you can become friends. But inviting folks over, when grieving still, is not something everyone can do, so at the very least, acknowledge his attempt to cheer you up with a pretty thank you note.
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