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Jealousy and harassment
Hi there, I need an anonymous advice to tackle a nasty situation. I've discussed this with my family and friends but I felt they were biased. I need someone to think about it with impartiality.
So, I came to live in the US with my husband. Initially I was a housewife. Then got a job and now pursuing full-time PhD. There is this woman, wife of my husband's office colleague, absurdly jealous of me. If I buy things she has to buy the exact same thing. If I decorate my house in a certain way, she has to do it ditto. I decorate my house with my paintings.She can't paint so she's buy same patter painting and claim this was her original idea. I love gardening, she didn't have an interest in plants. Even when I gifted her two plants, she killed them with carelessness. But then all of a sudden she started pretending as a gardener in front of other people (mostly in front of the families of my husband's office colleagues). She always tries to compete with me. During potlucks, she praises highly about the food my husband cooks and deliberately avoids praising about my cooking skills and if someone else likes my food better than her and praises me, she'd start telling them how I was a novice and got to learn cooking from my husband (which is not the case, 'cause I've grown interest in cooking even before my marriage and have been a full-phlaged cook since then). She has problem with literally anything and everything I do in life. She tries to belittle me for applying make-up (makes sarcastically comments which are annoying).
Anyway, most of the times I try to ignore her banters. I try to be polite. But recently she put a status about my cooking skill on social media, without any provocation. She tried to make it look as a joke. But I lost my patience and posted a general status about how not to make fun of people (although I didn't mention her name). She got offended and reposted a hate status for me without mentioning my name and then blocked me from everywhere and her husband also unfriended me from facebook. I felt hurt and humiliated, because no matter how badly she treated me I tried to maintain this relationship and I never ever had insulted them but now all she is trying to do is tarnish my reputation and portraying me as a villain. And now they are talking rubbish about me and my husband (who has never a part of all these) to other office colleagues. I will leave for India in couple of months for my PhD. What should I do now? Should I try to mend the relationship with them or just ignore and never contact them again?
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Normally when someone copies everything you do and say, its because they don't have faith in their own abilities so they copy like a little sister might do growing up. However this seems to be much more and I agree, she seems to have it in for you.
My question is wondering if your husband knows about the untruths she is spreading about you. Choosing to have you or ban you on social media is a persons choice but it looks clear to me that she is jealous and purposely trying to make you look worse than her so that she even without much skill herself might look better. I know this to be something that mentally disturbed people will do. My ex did and much more. If your husband does not know, then he needs to know. You need his support. I know its not the case but what if you wanted to apply for a restaurant job and her comments on you, which a prospective employer can snoop and find, would kill your chances, then that is called defamation of character. Here is a law offices description of that: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Now, your husband may not want to rock the boat at work and has said nothing or scared to. But it is important that a stand be made or this will continue. What needs to happen is that you both tackle this issue, with your feeding him the info of what she has said and done, and him saying something to get this to stop, and saying it to both her and her husband with you there to agree. This is a test in life. We all come across them. If its something you need to learn in life and don't tackle it now, then it will repeat in future scenarios with other people doing the same. Some adults go through life being immature their whole life and they will look something like this gal you speak of. The other option is bowing out of these office get togethers as a couple, not just you but both of you. A united front must be shown, with both of you sticking up for each other. When the boss wants to know why you both won't show, then tell the truth. I can't say why a person automatically hates another when they don't really know you all that well but it happened to me. And there was no reason, other than maybe some insanity on the part of this women. So do what you can together until you are gone to school, and away from her but as I said, its best to not ignore the issue thinking, oh well, I'll soon be away. Because as I mentioned earlier, this kind of thing will happen again in you and husbands future if you don't learn how to nip this issue in the bud.
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I would tell her to blank off to be honest and that she is pathetic and a real bully and that if she causes anymore shit online or for your husband at work that you'll make it a personnel matter and speak directly to her boss. That should shut her up.
So what if they block you? Good riddance to them. When they see they aren't getting the reaction they want from you they will move on.
Your husbands co-workers and your friends all know who she is, what they are like and who you both really are. They are the only ones that count. Anyone else doesn't. Like all bullies they want attention and something their victim has or traits they have that they themselves don't. She's copied you and has been jealous all this time because she is not secure in who she is nor knows who she is and wants the same attention you have for what you do.
At any rate these people exist and you just have to let it fall off of you like water on a duck. Once they see that you and your husband just don't give a shit about either of them or what they are saying they'll drop it and you'll have them out of your life. I wouldn't bother with her at all but if she does get funny with you let her have it and ask her what the hell her bloody problem is to begin with?
She might be jealous also because she likes your husband or something weird like that because it makes zero sense there either. Anyway.. You both don't need to pay her any mind. Don't give her what she craves--attention.
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