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My brother and I have grown WAY too close
My brother and I (btw, I'm a girl) have always been best friends. We're only a year apart in age and have no other siblings, so maybe that's to be expected. We also attend the same high school and even have a class together.
So what's the problem? I've come to realize that I harbor romantic and sexual feelings for my brother. I tried to hide this at first but my bro can always tell when something's going on with me, so he asked me what was up. So I told him. And he confessed that he has the same kind of feelings for me.
We both know we can't act on these feelings and that this whole situation is EXTREMELY messed up. Still, the temptation is there. I think we should both get help before we do something we might regret, but how? There's no way we can talk to mom and dad about this for obvious reasons. So what are we supposed to do? Any advice anyone may have would be greatly appreciated.
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Your feelings are not unusual, especially when you are in close continued proximity. So one good way out would be to lessen the amount of contact you continue to have with one another, e.g., get out of the ame class, find activities with other friends, develop separate interests, and yes, its actually okay to tell your parents about this and ask for their help. Chances are they sense what's going on, already, in any case.
I don't think its "abnormal" to be sexually attracted to your best friend, who happens to be close in age, opposite sex,and at a time when hormones are charging up. But you are right to be concerned. First of all, incest is illegal. And for good reasons. Second, its socially prohibited and can cause all kinds of difficulties with other relationships, should you become sexually active together and then be discovered, and don't doubt that this would happen.
Start doing other things that don't involve each other; e.g., you take up a hobby with some girlfriends, like...say, cooking. Or badminton! Or anything, as long as he isn't involved. And he should do the same thing with friends of his own, keep busy, and not hang around you so much.
You can and should remain friends; but that's where it needs to stop. If you still feel you can't talk to your parents about this, then I encourage you to discuss it in confidence with your school counselor, or ask for counseling elsewhere.
Good luck, good wishes, Dr.Stephanie
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First, thank you for reaching out. Since I don't know all details for your family regarding the pandemic, I can only answer in general some reasons why this may be happening. If your family is a close knit family to begin with before the pandemic, then having any variety of the issues that go along with may have thrown you both together more. There was the time of lockdowns when stuck in same house together, many schools either doing a rotating schedule to attend or kids/teens having to stay home and do school remotely. This shuts down the ability to just hang with other teens, where you might have been able to meet and date other partners. Another thing most people don't think of is that often on a subconscious level, we start looking at the traits and personality of many people out there in the world, noting what attributes you like best and then seek that out in a gf, bf or future spouse. This is natural and starts mostly at puberty like it did for me. Its not all based on a persons looks though that is a big part. The way a marriage should be, and this is to help explain further why it may be happening to you both, is that a solid foundation for a successful partnership is based on two things only. But unfortunately, people get together when only one of them is present for them. One is being each others best friend or a close friend. The other is being each others sexual equal. This takes some explaining to do, but one way to say it is that both like the same things, and both have the same libido, meaning both have a slow or fast libido, which is how often the two have sexual relations. I know this doesn't fit the answer you are looking for but a body and mind will do this with anyone, including parents who may have the attribute you find yourself wanting in a partner. It doesn't mean you actually have sex with them but you are drawn to a person by more than their looks.
Okay, now for you both, I want you to know that due to circumstances, and possibly being attracted to certain things about the other, there is no way you could have prevented developing feelings, but to not feel like terrible people for it happening. You will of course want to take whatever precaution helps best for you two. I am not sure if counseling will help if your situation doesn't change soon with the pandemic and all. If you call the family Dr and go see him/her for an appt. all this can be kept private from the parents even though you are on their insurance. This is part of HIPPA rights even for teens, so that info can't be shared with the parents so matter what. The other option might be each of you going to the parent of the same sex and telling them, as its easier to do than you talking to your Dad about it. I know it may be TMI for parents and they can freak out. But the two of you have done nothing wrong by having this physiological feelings come up, especially during the uncertain times we have now. I am not saying it is okay to move forward and have a couples relationship. But looking back in history, when there were fewer people on the earth and fighting and protecting ones Kingdom, often young folks were married off to other family, cousins usually but I would be surprised if in lack of cousins to marry that to keep a Kingdom in the family, that brothers and sisters married. With todays knowledge and medical advances, we know that genetically any children from such couplings, tend to be born with genetic problems, whether mental, or downs syndrome or physical abnormalities. There is enough evidence of this happening often enough that people eventually were
banned from marrying any blood relations. That is the reason for the taboo. I understand you don't want anything happening and fear your will to not do it, will be over run at some point and what you fear will happen, only for both of you to feel guilty later. BTW, I am in early sixties, not some kid giving advice, but someone grandma age who has experienced enough in life to know if I were your grandma, I would like to know, or even your Mom, once past the shock factor, to step up and help you both. If each parent was told by one of you, and you may share my response here, it would enable them as parents to parent you through this, not punish you for as I've said before, you are merely victims of the current world wide situation. If I had that issue with male and female children, I would not make a big deal but thank them for reaching out and asking for help. The parents can talk and now being aware of whats going on, will do what they can to make sure the two of you are not left home alone together, and keep track closer of where each of you are at any given time, while you are going for counseling. I can't say counseling will help alone. But on the bright side, as close as you too are, that can come in very helpful in both of you finding your first bf, gf and later spouses. there is much to learn about how different the opposite sex is and many misunderstandings and anger at ones partner when the differences aren't understood. Its as simple as knowing whether someones actions mean they are interested in you, or a guy becoming distant from you without explanation, only to protect you from less hurt emotionally but the distancing makes it worse for the female. I have experienced that with two men in my lifetime, so that one is very valid. Each of you will be able to be the others 'wingman' so to speak. Still able to be close, but helpful to each other in finding good mates. The time to practice and discover what you like about another person is now, before you get to college age or after. Too many start the search without any info, knowledge, studying or practice dating others. I hope something can be resolved for you. Best wishes.
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