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I think I upset my boyfriend and want advice on what to do
I'm a 17 year old girl and I was wondering, does anyone have any advice on what to do when you make a mistake with your boyfriend? I explained what happened underneath if anyone has the time.
Yesterday, I messages my boyfriend to hang out on a game called VR chat. He said yes, and when I got there he was with his cousin. His cousin created a voice chat for all three of us to talk while far away from each other. His cousin and I are friends so we started talking. We were in a plane flying map with a city and everything. My boyfriend was driving a plane and his cousin liked the ground shooting machines. His cousin went to a city building and was saying how no one could find him. I was said that I could see his name. I told him I'd prove it by coming over. I landed on the building and he said he was going to abort it jumping off. I chased him off the building and we were both just falling after each other. My boyfriend said "you guys know I'm here right?". I heard him but didn't know why I couldn't respond, so I just told his cousin that I was gonna catch him as if nothing happened. I think that upset my boyfriend since he left the call and has not responded to my messages. After waiting half an hour to see if he'd join back and I could say sorry in person, I had to get offline. I probably deserved to be ignored anyways since I did that to him. I was stupid to think of ignoring him when he means so much to me. I sent him a message today saying I'd like to talk and I'm truly sorry for ignoring him. I told him the truth, that in a way I was unsure myself as to why I Ignored him and was going to message him sooner although I had to go. I love him so much and feel so horrid for what I did. He probably knows that I'm consistently thinking about what happened since he knows me really well. The thing that he doesn't know is that I'm in a way afraid of myself for making bad decisions. Or maybe he does, I'm not a cheater or anything but I've lied and didn't pay attention at times. I just don't wanna screw things up with him when he means the world to me, he actually is the one good thing in my entire life. If anyone knows what I should do, I'd really appreciate any help I can get. Currently I'm just waiting, I'm kinda afraid to see him without knowing he is okay with talking first. Can anyone help me?
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Oh hon, you have lots to learn and experience yet. The same with your boyfriend. The issue is, some people are humble, willing to admit they have issues, want to change for the better and others don't want to change thinking they have no problem, are afraid of change, or suspect and bellieve every guy in the world wants you. The real issue here is him, your boyfriend. I can tell you right now my husband plays a golf game on line and quite often, the other player just leaves the game before the end simply cus they think my husband will win. So they are getting weirded out by their own thoughts. Or when they think they are going to win (but still dont) for that brief time, they are putting on Emoji's of laughing faces or worse and then they leave when they lose instead of try another game. This issue seems to be one of the younger generation. Its like his thoughts that you are paying attention are playing to his insecurities and making him like a poor sport in the game you all played. Thats just one incidence. Start watching dear, cus if he has the problem I think he has, he will become worse as time goes by. I remember being in a movie line long age with my date and in line right in front of me, was a guy I knew from H.S. He had a date too. He came unglued just in public cus some guy asked her for the time. The seconds they looked at each other was enough for him to yell and accuse her of flirting with others guys. In the end, it can lead to men who beat their girlfriends and wives. If your BF is making himself scarce, there is nothing you need to do. DO NOT apologize to him as it signals two things to him, 1.That you musta bought his words and actions and now think you did something you have to apologize for and 2. That you are easy to control and manipulate and that will only encourage him to do more. I know cus I have dealt with that stuff myself in life.
You state you are afraid to see him and that is not a good sign. People who are supposed to care for, love and support each other, should not have any problem bringing up any subject as long as they don't blame each other and if one has done wrong, to admit it to their sweetie and not find anger and yelling and belittling, but assurance that you are still loved. Of course, I am now grandma age and much older than you. I knew very little myself when i married at age 20 and wish there was someone I could write in to for advice. At your age, the dating is just starting and so there will be many mistakes made. Theres a very slight chance that this is just a mistake and learning thing for the boyfriend but more likely that without having someone (not you) point out his issue, and him not willing to admit he is wrong and want to change, that this type of reaction from him will follow him a good portion of his life, not weeks or months dear, but decades, or he may never change. My ex hasn't changed yet, the daughters see him more often than I and report that is so, as well as losing every girlfriend he makes cus they won't stand for the bad treatment so long. The reason males get away with mistreating, beating on and even in some instances older men sexually abusing young women is because they tend to scare easily, think they invited it somehow or did something wrong, etc and you have to hear it now that no matter how terrible a thing you might do, it NEVER, ever warrants a male treating you badly and what happened even to you, his staying away, the silence treatment, his hoping this will teach you to change who you are, to baby him, fawn over him, keep saying he is the only man for you, keep your sight down, looking at your feet for the rest of the time you are with him, so there can be no accidental meeting of eyes or your gaze going past another guy you aren't even really looking at. I have seen older abused women who are always saying 'I am sorry' for little stuff like reaching a garbage can before me and tossing in her trash before me while I wait and she says I am sorry over and over' She has learned to say that and it is now a habit, in order to hopefully stop the male from erupting in anger which doesn't work most of the time. I know. I had to learn to tune myself out while my ex was angrily insulting me and having a talk of how things should go. This is an escape mechanism people like me create so that we can preserve ourselves. In such situations, I never heard any words, and still looked calm when he was done, and just that was enough to get him going again, the fact he had not been able to disturb my peace, how i feel about myself. My stress with him went to my body in sickness. Once I left him, all of that disappeared. I hope to save you having to go through all this. So either you trust me, be happy he is gone and learn how to become self confident or other men will try to do the same, they always look for easy prey, act nice in the beginning and then stuff like what you are experiencing starts and snowballs into a living hell. to practice on confidence, I can share how from a magazine article I once read long ago and tried what it said and was shocked when it worked. It worked so well, I was continually shocked for a while until I got used to how I was being treated differently by people. Young males make plenty mistakes except for an exceptional few you can practically count on your fingers. They usually learn what they have done wrong in the past and are ready to be great bf's and husbands by time they reach their late 20s or early 30s. Before that, you can count on them to mess up royally a lot. You can decide to not act so desperate for a guy, as that also signals they can get away with crap cus you'll tolerate as long as they stay with you. This is long enough so write to me if you want a synopsis of the confidence info but you must look up advicegivers, find my name, dragonflymagic and write to ask from my page. Its the only way I have to get it back to you since we don't really know who each other is. Good luck dear.
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