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I an beginning to think that my "friends" are not actually my friends
Hi, I am from America.
And I've been feeling this way for a really long time about some of my friends that I hang out with frequently. I feel like an outsider among them, which is weird because i've known some of them since we were in middle school. The one friend from middle school in particular feels like a different person now from when we were both in middle school, she constantly wants to talk about politics and only ever seems to want to talk about herself in relation to a majority of the topics I bring up. She never used to be like this, but now I feel that I dislike a majority of what we talk about most of the time. It wouldn't be so bad, if I didn't feel like she was subtly belittling me. She sometimes brings up my ethnicity, but not in a way that I am comfortable with. It feels demeaning to me that she brings up a lot of negative stuff about my ethnicity, and I can't tell her to stop as she only does this around other people. I also feel that my friends never have my back, as they never stick up for me. I was once gone for three weeks and not one of them messaged me, this also relates when I am in need of help. This doesn't happen all the time, but when it does its really noticible and upsetting. I don't really want to hang out with them, but I feel that I won't be able to make any new friends if I distance myself from my friends. I've always had trouble making new friends, and I've spent long periods of time in the past when I didn't have any. Idk, maybe I'm overthinking it, as they are my friends.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
It is normal for people to outgrow their old friends and to move on. Lucky are the ones who manage to keep and maintain lifelong friendships, for there are those who do this, also, though rare.
You appear to outgrown your old friends, but that you are also afraid to move on and seek new ones. This is where growth is needed.
Ask yourself what you would want in a friend, and then try to become thus, yourself. For example, do you show a genuine interest in the lives of others? How are your listening skills and do you encourage others to talk, to reveal themselves, with good questions and genuine caring listening?
You will find, that with this alone, you will soon be valued as a good new friend. Seek others who have things in common with your interests, new and old.
And I think you may find that you, yourself, no longer have a need or interest in keeping the old friends who have lost their shine for you.
Good wishes, good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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So to rehash what you said, you realize that the people you call friends are not acting like friends. (I agree) And you are afraid you won't be able to make new friends.
So to find a solution for you, you'll need to ponder real hard why you believe you can't or won't make new friends. Some ideas may be that you don't feel good about yourself, that you are not likeable for some reason, have low self esteem, lack of confidence, are afraid of being alone, don't know how to meet new people, including how to talk to those unknown so you can possibly make new friends. I understand these reasons well since I used to be very shy and have social anxiety as a kid and early teen. I know now why I struggled so much back then. The reason is that even people without any mental illness will think negative thoughts such as 'I am not likeable, They will all tease or bully me, I am not brave enough to talk to new people and so on. I listened to my inner voice say those things and the issue was hanging on to those words and believing them and always thinking about things in a negative way instead of positive. So last yr in HS. I realized it was not just a problem of making friends but being able to navigate the adult world since I was graduating. So i prayed for an answer and got one. So if you bedlieve your issue is more of social anxiety, I have info to share with you, just ask. If its on self confidence, I have info I can share on that too. If the issue is more of knowing how to start up a conversation with someone you don't know, I have that too. Let me know what you believe the issues to be and I will share what you need, to work on and all the exercises to do are easy, so success and new friends are easily obtained. Please do not ask for info where you leave a rating. Its fine for a comment but I can't answer from there after 24 hrs from posting my answer. So go to my column for Dragonflymagic and write to me from my column, and only then can I answer you...cus thats how the system is put together.
I have info I can share on how to build
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