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Should I contact my estranged sister?


Question Posted Saturday October 23 2021, 5:35 pm

My sister is a lot older than I am and was kicked out when I was a toddler for being gay. I'm 15 now and she's 29, and the family hasn't had any contact with her since then. I found her on IG a while back and have been keeping up with her. I don't follow her or anything, just look at what she posts so it's not like she knows I found her. I obviously don't remember her, I've just seen pics of her and have heard some stories about her from cousins. I feel like our parents would be mad if I reached out, but she seems cool and I would love to talk to her. I don't care that she's a lesbian and I think what our parents did was really wrong. I'm just nervous at how she's going to react, I know that she has to remember me, and I know that I didn't do anything but what if she hates me lol. Should I send her a message and hope for the best or just mind my own business?

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Tigz285 answered Monday October 25 2021, 8:33 am:
I doubt she will hate you because like you said, you have done nothing wrong and you were a toddler when she was kicked out the house. That being said, it is good to be prepared for all outcomes. You can control how you reach out to her and your desire to reconnect with her, however you can not control whether it is well received. It is unlikely that she will react badly but I think it is wise to be prepared, say if she is angry or maybe hold resentment because of your parents. Think about how you will respond in these situations and think about maybe having a support system in place in case things do not go well. I am not saying it will not go well, but just in case it does not go as well as you hoped for.

I think sending a message over social media might be a good start as it puts less pressure on her to respond straight away. Maybe you could also start following her and liking some of posts and see how she responds. You might want to meet up and talk things through and clear the air about what happened in the past. She might not know your intention on getting in contact or where you stand on her being a lesbian and if you agree with your parents for kicking her out. So make it clear that you have no problem about her sexual orientation and that you accept her for who she is.

If you want to get in contact with her and build a relationship with her then I don’t see why not. Your parents might be angry and that is something you might need to deal with but it is your decision at the end of the day.

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solidadvice4teens answered Sunday October 24 2021, 9:53 am:
I doubt she would hate you period. It doesn't matter worth a damn what your parents think. If you want a relationship with her go for it. You should tell your sister that you think it's wrong what they did and have always wanted a normal relationship with her and work from there.

I'm sure she would be happy that you care and reached out. She likely will want a relationship with you. You have an excellent chance to lead by example here and show not tell your parents how wrong they are.

Parents should never and have no right to reject their children for any reason whatsoever be it sexual orientation which nobody can control or any other reason. It's their job to parent and they've failed you both. When they are forced to see how ignorant they are or have people around them that show them their behaviour was wrong maybe they'll learn what they have missed. Reach out to her. I'm sure she will be happy you did. It's the right action and your conscience never leads you astray. There's a reason why the inner voice in your head is directing you to right some wrongs and be present for her.

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tobiotanaki answered Sunday October 24 2021, 4:56 am:
Hey it okay don't worry i think you should reach out to her becuz maybe she's already moved on and i feel like she will be very happy if someone in her family support her be there

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