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Ex boyfriend broke up with me for dropping out of nursing school
About 2 years ago, my boyfriend at the time of four years broke up with me because I dropped out of nursing school and saw me as 'unstable'. He basically did me wrong and our breakup never had that closure. All of my friends and family knew what he did to me and they all think he's an asshole. Fast forward present day we both moved on and have new relationships. But a couple days ago, my cousin texted me and said that she saw him at a bar with him and his current gf. Apparently he was drunk and thought he saw me. And he also approached my cousin and kept grabbing her face and pushing her, asking if she hated him (I'm assuming because he knows that everyone close to me know what he did to me). Ever since we've broken up I've always wanted him to one day realize how much of a douche he was and understand how bad he had hurt me. Why do you think he kept asking for validation if my cousin hated him? Do you think he finally grew up and had an enlightenment?
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Dear Ms. Closure,
It seems that what we have here is a tale of regret, remorse and ignorance. Looks like he regrets and is remorseful for the decision he made those couple of years ago. His ignorance comes from the actions he did with your cousin. What you need to realize is that his ways will correct him. The fact that you have moved on says that you were never meant to be with someone who didn't appreciate or support your decisions. You won't have to worry about closure anymore because if you learned anything here is that staying with him would have robbed you of the happiness you were meant to find now.
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I'm not sure what he did to you because you didn't say and it doesn't matter really because the answer will always be the same. Your relationship with him is OVER and in the past and you have moved on with your life while he still stays in park and is the miserable SOB and won't ever advance it seems from that mindset.
I wouldn't give him a second thought and would trust your own thinking and that of your family and forget about him. Stay out of bars and if you see him in public go the other way or he harasses you which he's not going to do in either circumstance tell the nearest person and deal with him or call police on your own.
Drunk or not if he grabbed your cousin's face and started shoving her there's bond to be people in the bar as well as staff that saw it happen. She should contact police and file a report that he assaulted her at the bar and they will take care of him so he can't go near her or your family period. She should do this and not back away from it or drop the charge.
You don't need validation of anything from him and face it you don't need an apology either because you'll never get one and frankly don't want it and can't use it. Move on as you have and let your cousin and other people put him in place if need be. It sounds like an isolated incident but she has to send a real message that you can't assault people drunk or not.
The fact he thought she was you and assaulted her in the bar gives me pause. I would tell your family and parents what he did to her and have her file her police report mentioning that he was drunk and thought it was you and assaulted her in the bar instead.
Back up her report and file a restraining order and don't back down after you do to keep him away from you or anyone in your family no matter where he may run into you.
That will convey everything he needs to know but do move on as you have and leave the past in the past and not let it influence this moment or the fucture.
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One thing that is too easy for people to do, and I have done it too, is to try to live in our past. Even if you have no intention of getting back together with him, your constant mulling over what happened and wondering about him now is keeping you so busy you don't have time to live in the present. That could mean stressing your new relationship or worse. You don't have to say anything, the new BF will just be able to sense something is off.
Now we skip to the current day scenario. When a person drinks til drunk, that person loses inhibitions and will say and do things they might not when sober. So if he was drunk, lighting was darker and you and cousin have some similarities in looks, then it is possible he thought he saw you. First you say he probably thought he was talking to you and then you say he was asking if your cousin hates him? So what is it he hides when sober? Maybe he doesn't hide too well what he thinks when sober but liquer isn't the 'goody two shoes' drug that will make him instantly nicer. No, it brings out that which is deep inside a person. So if he was grabbing her face and pushing her, you really think that was enlightenment? To me it sounds like grounds for assault. Your cousin could have called cops on him and with witnesses, they would have hauled him off to jail. I would never confuse assault with enlightenment, the two are no where near each other and can't be mistaken. I know when I left an abusive relationship, I, yes me...had to go through counseling afterwards to be ready to move on in life. People who are treated badly in relationships, who stay with their abusive or extremely inconsiderate partner, will need to create their own coping mechanisms to make it through, day by day. These coping mechanisms have some mental aspect to them, mine was mentally screening him out when he was on a verbal tirade with me, and taking my mind elsewhere that I actually did not take in what he had said. Coping mechanisms like this are NOT conducive to living regular life, so did my therapist tell me. I can't help but wonder if there was something that affected you so that you no longer think and act as you did before ever meeting and getting dumped by ex. Actually, that was the best thing that could have happened, losing him, because there wasn't much good there to keep. I would suggest seeing a mental health Dr. NOt because I feel you have a mental illness, but like most normal people, we unknowingly sometimes think certain things to get through tough times that work for the situation but don't belong in place once it's over.
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