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What about your friends? Or lack thereof
How can I befriend someone who doesn’t know there worth and would rather be around phony people?
I have no idea where to start with this so I’ll just start from where it all went up in flames…the pandemic. I was in ninth grade when we first got quarantined and i had or was building a bond with someone who I felt was worthy enough to become the closest with but then a new school year started and I went completely online, the only times we saw each other was at testing(the only days where I was required to show up to school in person)and at that point I had no way of reaching out to her and cherishing what was left of what was being built before the interruption. So when I started my junior year 2 weeks ago I was excited to come back to in person school and become friends with her all over again until I noticed a few things about her that would complicate building a friendship again. So back at the beginning of the pandemic I started to realize that a few of these girls that I would associate with pre-quarantine should be cut off completely because they had bad traits that I would be damned to surround myself with again, and so I did just that. But what I didn’t know when I went back to school is that the person I wanted to become friends with again must’ve become closer to the worser one of the bunch, I mean that’s what I get from watching the way they interact. Here’s my problem with that, the people she surrounds herself with are horrible to her they make jokes about her when she leaves the room or isn’t around, talk about her appearance or clothes, and constantly upset her but she continues to brush it off and be super nice and forgiving to them. On the other hand, I see myself to be one of the most genuine people who wants the best for her but she won’t initiate conversation with me as she does with them, she literally walked right past me to sit with them just the other day it’s like I’m suddenly invisible to her, am I supposed to extend myself to her or do you think she would’ve already initiated a conversation with me if she wanted to? I want this to work so she can at least have one genuine ally, it’s clear to me she has some issues surrounding self worth but she doesn’t deserve this😕
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You are a bright, articulate young woman, who needs to associate with like minded individuals, who are on a similar level of maturity and mental health. From your description, your friend doesn't fit the bill. Further, she avoids you, despite your best efforts.
You can, since you care about her, share with her the concerns you have and hope that she takes them to heart and seeks to do something about the problems she is experiencing, or the growth she needs to make. You can even suggest counseling, if you think that might help her.
But I am for you taking care of your own well being and health as your topmost priority. And that may mean making new friends, and staying away from those who aren't as emotionally mature or as healthy as you are.
Its normal for people to move on and to make new friends, as they grow, since people do grow apart. If she were different, you might have had a friendship that could have lasted for many years yet to come. But from what you described, I'd say stay away from problems and problem people, there will be many others with whom you can develop and keep strong friendships.
Good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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I would send out an e-mail to her or go up to her in the hall or at lunch and ask her if she would mind having lunch with you alone some time because you have something important to discuss that you feel she should know about that you want confidential. Most people would be receptive about that. You need to do this when she's not around the others though.
She may not have any idea what people are saying behind her back and their actions. It's a kind thing to point it out and could build a friendship if you honestly tell her exactly what you know. You can't chose her friends as that is always up to her but you can choose not to be judgmental over whom or what she chooses.
I think if you tell her straight up that you value her and want her to be your friend that this will go a long way. You should talk about her true value and that if she chooses that she shouldn't gravitate to people just to fit in who are being awful towards her. Let her make her own conclusions and know your intentions.
She has to determine who is genuine and who isn't on her own but you have to show and not tell someone that you are genuine but consistently demonstrating that you are without overdoing it or acting fake. If you ooze this naturally and without any effort she will see she has someone there worth knowing. Do your part and tell her what you have seen and heard and let the chips fall where they may. She's owed that.
In the event she doesn't want to have lunch consider telling her what you know by phone or a written message (email but be prepared that this option is an absolute last result that may come with the consequence of pissing people you're telling about off or even her. It really is something that needs to be done face to face or it potentially could blow up in your face if done informally. It's a catch 22 but in reality the only decent thing you should do and owe it to yourself and her to divulge exactly what you have observed as a heads up. Take on telling her to her face first and if that fails try this method.
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