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Argued with close friend over his mistreatment to me and found out he has a
Does that mean all the suffering I've faced is now invalid because he has adhd?Are my feelings now just not justified because of his adhd?What can I do to help him?By the way he doesnt know that I know of his adhd.
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I have never known ADHD to cause a person to mistreat another. I am with Dr. Stephanie on this. Also, without knowing what you are calling mistreatment, I wouldn't be able to say what I see happening. However I was married 30 years to a man who was verbally abusive and started the pushing and shoving me at the end of the relationship. Not saying your guy has mental illness, just that I know what mistreatment of many different types feel like. The people who are picked on end up needing some help as the victims of mistreatment. I did. Saw a psychologist but most helpful was living with the retired counselor friend and his wife for a while right after I left my ex. He noticed my own escape mechanisms in place which I used to tune out from ex but I was using it on everybody now. He pointed it out every time he saw it and I worked on it til I no longer used this way of escapism. If he doesn't know that you know, it can only mean you know symptoms of ADHD, but there may be other things that have overlapping symptoms. You can't diagnose him, only a professional can. Get counseling for yourself and ask them there how you can best suggest him seeing a counselor as well.
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You didn't describe how he "mistreats" you, or what your ages are, but: I am a retired therapist with expertise in diagnosing and treating ADHD, both in children and adults.
I can tell you that ADHD does not give anyone a green light to mistreat others. If this is what's happening, it has nothing to do with the disorder, and everything to do with the person's personality and emotional issues.
If you are a victim of any sort of abuse, emotional or physical, my strong recommendation would be to end the relationship, pronto.
If you want to help him, however, you can inform him of your awareness and discuss whether he is receiving any treatment or guidance to deal with both the ADHD , as well as how he treats others.
Among professionals, the commonly preferred treatment is a combination of medication and teaching behavioral coping skills. In addition, if you or he go on line, there are organizations dedicated to advising and supporting people with ADHD and their families, loved ones, etc., and plenty of books to read, as well.
Good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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While he may have that infliction and it can cause him to act out it's a cop out if they think it justifies every instance of bad behaviour or hurting other people physically or emotionally. There has to be some kind of ownership there. Your feelings are justified and should be communicated to the individual that what they have done is NOT okay and has nothing to do with their disease.
I'm not sure if you can HELP him but you can have empathy and be supportive and know that this doesn't define who he is. It's a part of him but there's way more to a person than just what they suffer from and have a hard time controlling.
They may not want people to know despite the condition being readily apparent to others. You need to tell the person you understand this but had been told by others and to relate what you told us and tell him you support him but certain behaviour can be justified and others cannot.
If his condition isn't being treated and he needs medication speak out about it to his family and to him to get that support. It's not up to you to get it for him but rather to draw attention with the people who count in his life that something is seriously wrong and needs to be addressed. A lot of people won't like hearing the truth about their children but it needs to be said if the situation is wildly out of control and seriously affecting his life and that of everyone around him.
Perhaps voicing what you know to a teacher, school counselor etc in confidence will have them see what's going on and know how to address his problem and make sure he gets resources and help with never invoking your name.
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