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Flirting or just friendliness?
I can't tell if this guy I like is flirting, or being friendly, or if he was just tired at the time. The reason why I think he's flirting is because he said things like "My are you a lovely yet deadly little rose," and "Awh that's adorable" and gave me those suggestive emoji-things.
He has flirted with me before, and it has looked like this every time. Yet he has also told me that he's weird and "annoying" when he's tired. This seems to be the actions he takes when exhausted. (And it was early for him at the time.) Is he just like this though?
I'm stuck, because I automatically reciprocate, and I don't know if I should. I have no idea what to do in this situation, especially when he's told me that we can't do anything because he's six hours ahead.
I'm actually very much in love with him, not lying, and I don't know if I should hold onto hope or not. I deal with the time difference very easily and don't understand what the problem is. I'm really anxious about it…
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I can understand how your feelings make you believe you are in love. In some rare cases for an LDR, it happens. But in general, regardless of what the other person says, or does, no matter how well you both converse, there are crucial things missing that you won't have with an LDR.
First, you must understand that what you have between your legs is not the only sex organ one has, the brain is a very integral part of falling in love and having sex especially. So in truth, our feelings can lead us astray. And I don't want to see another female hurt by being misled.
I have experience with meeting guys through on line dating sites. Did that after a divorce and being older and having learned some things along the way.
I am a red blooded female, same as any other so I can say that i began to respond with feelings whenever I met another guy on line. May not be exactly your situation but many of the principals will hold true.
Think of how you get lost in a movie or a good book and soon you are drawn in to the point your feelings are engaged, whether anger, sadness, elated and happy, etc. When the movie or book is done, those feelings usually end there. So seeing a special person on screen and writing or talking to them, will feel real, but there is no more interaction face to face with your sweetie than with characters in books or movies. what we all want is to be loved and enjoy a romance for real. So many of us will create a story in our minds not realizing we are doing this. I did it too but caught myself after a few days doing it rather than letting it go on for months or years. This story we create supplies all the things we can't get on line. Heres some examples: what their touch, hugs or kisses feel like, how consistent they are daily to what they say they are, gaining trust, knowing whether you have romantic/sexual chemistry with the person.
I am sure the chemistry part catches more attention than anything else I mentioned so I'll start there. I've experienced this, the lack of, or the chemistry being there. There is such a thing as chemistry in just friendships. That is why we tend to gel with certain people, even as kids, and not with others. Now think of people who may be nice but you are not friends with. Why are we not friends with everyone? Some people are so vastly different in personality that we have literally nothing in common and sometimes they can drive us nuts or really be irritating to us. Know that for a romantic relationship to stand the test of time and be there till your dying breath, you need just the one chemistry for friends but two are needed for the successful romantic relationship, both the friends AND the romantic chemistry. Sadly many couple relationships have only one and that is with people who met in person! So my thinking is that most folks don't know the basics in how to find and screen a guy for a serious relationship. Yes, it is important to be attracted to their looks but that isn't everything. I met a guy on line and went out to dinner a couple days later. OMG, he looked like a male model who just stepped out of a magazine!! I should be attracted to him romantically, right? Well, we tried dating but after a few dates, no matter how good he looked, I didn't feel a strong chemistry, a weak one yes, and he didn't feel a connection either both as friends and in love. I met another guy and got to restaurant first, when he walked in and we met, we hadn't shared but a few sentences before we were seated. He and I both felt it strongly that there was a total lack of chemistry. Yet everything in his profile was what I was looking for. He actually said as we were seated, "This is not going to work, is it?" This shows you that there can be either chemistry or not and there is nothing you can do to change it. So when the man who is now my 2nd husband first wrote on the dating site, I felt his written words reach out and touch my heart. This was just his contact message. So I was already hoping that this guy would turn out. And I felt that more strong when after exchanging phone numbers, we talked the next day and the next, never missing a night during the work days. But we met that weekend. And yes, I felt the chemistry right as I walked up to him, stood in his presence and gave him a hug. There was no one to teach me, I learned how to tell the difference from misleading info to the real thing as far as chemistry goes. First I needed a goodbye kiss to see if it felt just nice, or stronger, such as made me want more right then, or lastly felt so icky like I was getting a romantic kiss from my brother or Dad. Gross indeed. I learned to sense the chemistry even without the 'kiss' test. Another biggie, building trust. Much as we like to think everyone is trustful, there are some people who for their various reasons, just are not. Before meeting my now husband, I also met a guy who came by during the week for a visit and chat on the porch swing. We sipped lemonades and I really liked him from what I had seen online and now in person, felt the chemistry, and he kept saying that he lived a bit further away and between renovating his house and the travel, it wouldn't be feasible for me to expect to see him alot. I answered with my experience gained in helping a previous boyfriend do some remodel work in a room of his house so we could spend time to together working and talking for now, I told him. The next morning I went online to pull up his file to thank him for the visit and wanted to say I'd like to see him again but he had closed his file. I had no way to reach him. I think the fact that there was chemistry really took him off guard because I felt immediately the reason for him shutting off his account was that he was married and had been looking for a sex partner on the side. He got scared when I invited myself over because he likely had a wife or girlfriend at home. Here I was, older, intelligent, but anyone can be fooled by someone. It's when you continue to allow yourself to believe after an action the person takes, that they are still a great bet, boyfriend wise, that you are then your own problem. In my many guys I met online and went out immediately in person for a coffee meet up, that I learned what a guy was like online is not necessarily what he is like in person, more often than not. I discovered it is too easy to get sucked in to something I call "Theater of the Mind". I was so hopeful to find a partner to love til the end of my life, that even short term, like after two or three times on line and a phone call or two, I was already trying to imagine what they were like. And since I lacked real life info, my mind with the help of my imagination, supplied the stuff I couldn't get online. In my mind, before meeting in person, I was doing the imagining of how the meet up would go and our first real date after that, and so on. I Know that this is something even the wisest person will end up doing because it is so automatic. So don't blame yourself if ever something like this goes wrong for you. Just learn from each experience and keep it in your mind that you are like your own HR department, screening each guy for the position of boyfriend. As in the business world, a person might get a job based just on credentials, without meeting in person, but the question to ask is, what happens if the company doesn't like the person after they are working there? They gather info on an employee, things or incidents that show you doint fit in, just aren't cutting it. Well, sometimes even though a guy sounds nice and you are very impressed with him on line, once you meet and start hanging out together, you may see things that are not healthy for a relationship, and you may have to break things up, in essense, if he was an employee instead, firing him!
You aren't the only one I've heard from concerning an LDR, some guy they met on line. I have had girls tell me their horror stories and what should they do now. For them, like you it was a real relationship with love when in fact it was nothing more than a relationship in their minds, its just a fantasy. The internet is a great tool for finding a person but once found they need to take it to face to face for the reasons I mentioned earlier. In a long distance relationship on line of two parties who have never met, its too easy to misrepresent or lie and its hard for example to know what the person is like 24/7 when sad, angry, worried, happy and knowing whether you can handle that. There is no opportunity to experience life together and build trust based on experiences together, where you have solid proof of, by going through together. You really have nothing solid like the evidence used in courts to know if a person did or didn't do what they're accused of. You don't know the name is real unless you have seen their drivers license and you've seen them sign their legal name, for one example. You also don't know if they work where they say they do, their real age, if married, if a criminal, a drug user, a liar, and so on. All of those things and more, I was only able to know are true or not is when I met the person face to face and spent time in their presence, dating and so on. But some guys tipped their hand in the first meet up and messed it all up for themselves, like the guy who said he didn't smoke (I'm allergic to it) but on second date reached into his pocket, pulled out a cigarette and froze as he realized his game was up and I was gone.
Lastly, if you are under 18, as a minor, it's not safe to meet any man online because many sex offenders and pedophiles use that way to get their victims. You can talk to males you go to school with. But my info is still helpful in choosing bf's to date in real life, be you may want to wait on the full blown adult relationship stuff until old enough.
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"Six hours ahead"? Is this a long distance acquaintance? One you are contacting on line? If so, do know that long distance relationships are notorious for not coming to much of anything.
What you described, however, sounds as if he is somewhat weird, which is what he told you he was.
You say you are in love with him, but you don't know him well enough to grasp whether he's flirting with you or not, etc.
What is it you are in love with ? He doesn't sound like a normal person to me. If things are so difficult that you don't understand what he intends or means, and he gives you such odd comments and responses, well, I'd steer clear of him and seek out someone else who falls within normal range. Good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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Maybe I'm reading this wrong but it sounds to me based on how your question is worded that you don't know this person in real life. I'm getting that idea based on what you are saying about a 6hr time difference and weird emojis and comments and suggestive texts. This sounds like it could have the potential to be dangerous.
Nobody should be flirting with you or acting "weird" online to the point you are uncomfortable and questioning actions. This person may not be who you think they are. If you don't know him and have zero connection except over the Internet I would definitely tell your parents about it and stop responding to the person altogether.
If I misread your question and you actually know the person and they moved somewhere or are for the time being away somewhere that is 6hrs different in time zone then that's different and you should when they return home see what unfolds. Like I said, if you don't know this person, never met them and its and Internet forum or emails let people you trust know exactly what is being said and archive it.
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