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Am I being too possesive of my best friend?
hey! my bestfriend is hanging out with new friends and i m happy for her because she s happy but i don t really want her to get in a bad entourage and after it to regret it. we don t really go out very much like we used to do and her bf don t even won t to let her go in some place without him, we still get along and talk everyday and i really trust and care for her but she often make me feel sad and pressured.it is my fault? am i being too possesive?
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My first thought is that her boyfriend is the one who is being too controlling and overpossesive ! Having said this, time marches on, people grow away from each other, make new friends, develop different life styles, etc. You have to let go, if she has moved on, and seek out other , newer friends. But be her friend, and supportive of her. She sounds like she is going to need it. Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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The situation is new to her and she wants to get to know these people and get along with them so the whole novelty of having something or someone new is there and will wear off. She's not ditching you for them but is rather trying to establish what her relationship with each of them is and therefore is spending more time with them. In the end I know she will continue to include you and them in your group. If she truly is your best friend she won't leave you out. It may feel like that now but I have a strong feeling that this is all that is going on.
I wouldn't feel sad but don't have an example of how you think she's pressuring you. I don't feel you are at fault nor being possessive but rather haven't thought of the fact that these people are new to her and she's trying to establish a relationship with each of them and see where she fits in and is doing it by investing more time. She will certainly involve you in future. It's hard not to feel left out.
You can always point out to her that you really like that she's doing well getting to become friends with your friends but that you feel a little left out and want to be included as much as you used to be. Odds are she has no idea you feel this way but getting your feelings across to her may change everything for you and make her take note that you want to be a part of things everyone is doing as much as she does. It will resolve itself. Just be patient and let your feelings out.
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No you are not possessive of her, just a very caring friend and she's lucky to have you. However it is her bf who is being possessive to an unhealthy point if what you said is true. Not allowing a person to go out unless he is along or approves is nothing less than a controlling manner. Sometimes women translate a man trying to run and schedule her life as being extra loving and caring when in actuality, it is very unhealthy. In steps like this, similar men have attacked their female friend,or wife of liking another man, maybe even thinking of cheating on him just because her eyes happened to fall on some guy, or a guy she knows walks up to start a convo. or addresses her to ask for directions. It could even by family, a cousin he doesn't know but will react like this, not because he doesn't know the guy or feels she is threatened but because he feels threatened. There is something off in his mind that needs a psychologist, because he feels like low man on the totem pole, feels he is a terrible example of a man and that any woman he is with will leave him in time for another better guy. So he is actually comparing himsself to persons and Always finds himself lacking because he had an extremely low self esteem. And ye, this kind of thing can happen as early as our teen years and is even more damaging to the girl because she has no idea yet due to lack of time in this world to know that no matter how much she wants a boyfriend, he is the least desire-able one and the most trouble. At some point men like this, begin to keep a wife captive in her own home, not allowing her contact with family or friends, because it is easier to control her without talk from others. There are stories of women who end up unable to use the phone even and are beat up if they disobey, give birth to children in that house without having ever seen a Dr. and family does not know of the existence of a grandchild, niece, nephew let alone how she is doing. Some of these women are killed by these bf's or husbands due to jealousy over some imagined guy. I know she won't listen to you trying to tell her this, since many abused women don't see it in the beginning, only later. I was abused verbally and didn't know any better as I married at 20 and though confused as to why things went so bad as they did, I was a believer who didn't want to quit but as the church said, 'trust God to heal your marriage' which God later told me was a mistaken belief because he gave the same freewill to all, to do good or bad with it and he wasn't about to take away hubbys free will. I didn't ask for help and he wasn't so controlling to cut me off from friends and family but life was not good.
Something girlfriends do when they get a new love interest or a guy interested in him is they forget everyone else for the time and focus only on the guy. So any girlfriend usually acts this way, no matter if its a great guy, good guy or a rotten one. Do not worry, she'll be back to you if she eventually gets away from him. What I call this reason she forgets everyone else is 'New relationship energy' and that can be as strong as the real thing, however NRE doesn't last forever and can be gone in a couple of months at which time if its a bad guy, it's possible with the right intervention to help the woman get away from the bad guy and stay away, and not go sneaking back. It might do her good to have family encourage her to go for a while to a counselor to learn about how she was being used and why the relationship was unhealthy and how to spot those warning signs so she doesn't get stuck with such a guy again. So my suggestion is your bringing this up to her family, parents, even if she is no longer under 18, and an adult now...perhaps she will respond to them especially when the NRE runs out and she begins to get a glimpse of who he really is and how unhealthy it is to give all your choices on how to run your life, your decisions, all given over to another person to decide for you.
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