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My sister is going through something, but I don't know how to help.
My little sister (11-14 yo) is going through something, and I have been trying to help as much as I can. Recently, she told me something about herself (that she has a type of mental illness; it's self-diagnosed) and I'm having a hard time believing it.
The reason for that is because throughout her whole life, she liked to pretend to be someone/something else (she would copy what she sees/reads/hears about), so when I realized that she only started showing signs of the mental illness after she had read something about it, I had started having doubts.
I have talked to her about it, and I am trying to be supportive and keep an open mind, but I honestly don't know what to do. This is way bigger than anything else, and if this is true and for real, how can I tell and how can I help? Should I do what I normally do and take her word for it? Or should I do something else? What can I do to help her?
-Mia, age 16
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I can understand why you might think that your little sister may be lying about having a mental illness because she only started having signs of a mental illness after she read about it. At that age it is easy to be influenced by things you read on the internet and convince yourself that that is what is wrong with you, and also be influenced by others or think it’s trendy and cool to have a mental illness.
However, you don’t know for sure whether this is true or not and the only way to know for sure is if she is diagnosed by a professional. I think you have done the right thing in being supportive, it’s best to be there and support her because this could be true and in this case it’s best to help someone even if you don’t know for sure because it is something that is serious. Mental health should not be taken lightly. I think it’s better to help someone even if it turns out not to be true, than not help and for it to get worse.
You're right in saying it’s way bigger than anything, that’s why you shouldn’t take this on all by yourself. Have you talked to your parents? If not I think it would be best to discuss this with them so they can help her. The only person who is going to know if she does have issues with her mental health is a trained professional. Your parents should get her to see a doctor and go from there. If she needs further help and support for a mental illness she will be referred to the right services/mental health professional.
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I remember my teen years, Everyone just wanted to be liked by all. If a kid is quieter or has low self esteem, it is all too easy to think if we change and become more like others, including the popular kids, that we will be liked more, its all about being liked and fitting in. Why do people have angst even when grown up sometimes about not getting enough or any likes on any social media posts. This is the biggest problem facing teens in my opinion. So if she has been like this since she was real little, its not just the teen thing of wanting to be liked but lack of confidence in herself, and low self esteem. From as young as I can remember, as the first child in my family, I was fearful of people other than my parents and later, siblings. I did try once as a teen to act like a group of teens I knew. They were sarcastic and always talking trash and tearing up others speech, no matter what they said. So I began to do that and as I got good at it, I began to feel less and less good about myself and finally came to the place where I knew it was wrong and asked God for help with my lack of confidence and low self esteem. I got answers in prayer and in my last year of HS, worked on that and was changed into an outgoing person who learned to love herself and be myself. The most undiagnosed issue with young or older people, is distorted thinking. While not a mental illness, if kept up long enough, it can bring about the real mental illnesses. It would be best if she saw a counselor. Your parents are in charge of all issues kid related, making sure their child gets all it needs. So I have to say, they need to know. If for some reason they don't take it seriously, do nothing, etc. you may want to mention it to your school counselor. Even if she's in a different school than you, you need to get info of who can help and a counselor should know of what mental health counselors are in your area who specialize working with teens. My own neice went to a counselor for quite some time due to non mental illness related issues. But even if its not mental illness, distorted thinking sure can feel like one so its best to get her to see a professional. Many people don't like asking for help or going to a counselor, thinking it makes them inferior but distorted thinking is something ALL humans do a few times in their lives. However those unaffected by it, only who laugh it off, don't give it credence, and don't give the thought more time and rehash it over and over again in their head. So there are plenty others who do the same thing but have never gotten help for it. I must add that the better prepared counselors to work with your sister are those with the the initials CBT trained by their name. It stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which means it recogizes that other than something missing in your body that may be causing it, for the majority, the issues come from a start of distorted thinking. So take this seriously, it may not be a mental illness right now, but in time could become one. This is the only kind of mental illnesses that can be cured without medicine, simply by changing how one processes their thoughts, and what kind of thoughts they get. You are very observant an a great sister.
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Start by believing her and taking seriously what she is telling you. She knows herself and when something is way off. Does it mean she is mentally ill? We don't know unless someone accesses her preferably a psychiatrist but usually a GP first and listens to concerns and figures out if she needs to be treated for something or if there is anything to it.
I would get her to go to the doctor and talk about this openly and in great honesty and see what they say and how they can help her out. Take her word for it. It's better for her and you to be wrong than to be sorry later for not acting to figure out what is going on.
Your parents need to take her seriously too until such times that a doctor is consulted and helps her with this. Clearly mental illness or not she's feeling something that is deeply upsetting her and it needs to all come out in that forum. It's a real thing for her. She's scared perhaps rightly so and wants and needs help. Advocate for her and be sure your family looks into it pronto.
The last thing you want to do is ignore it incase it is the start of an episode of a mental health issue ie bipolar, schizophrenia etc etc. It has to be looked into.
If your parents won't take her to see a doctor you should step up to the plate and take her. If you feel she may be in crisis and think it's warranted an ER visit will put her in a hospital's system and if she has an issue they can hold her for 72hrs to evaluate or not at all if the on call psychiatrists don't think what she's going through is due to mental health.
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Hi Mia, If you could have described in a little detail what your sister does that causes you to think she either has a mental illness or is faking it, it would have been helpful.
But self diagnosis is unreliable, especially from a minor, especially from someone untrained in mental health. Further, her prior history of imitating others is also suspect.
What I would suggest, is that you don't come to any conclusions yet. Have you shared your concern with your parents? And what has their response been?
If this continues, I'd recommend that they take her to a qualified, licensed mental health counselor for a professional diagnostic assessment and recommendations.
She's lucky to have you as her big sister. It seems to me that, whether she is "mentally ill" or not, that her behavior warrants further assessment and possible intervention from a professional.
Good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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