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I have BABY FEVER with a capital B
Hi :) 22/F
I have a dilemma. My toddler is two and I want a baby really bad. My boyfriend (Best friend for 3 years - dating for 4 months) is not really keen on it at this very moment. My mom won't be happy at all, but it is all I can think about. How do I get rid of the feeling?
ps. I do not have any friends with babies (or who I can baby sit) and I've also tried to get a puppy or kitten but there is non available at the moment.
Please help me...
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
You may want another baby "really bad", but hon, you are not in a good position to have one. You have a boyfriend of four months, which isn't but a drop in the bucket of time, when it comes to developing a solid, committed relationship, one that includes parenting for the long run.
You are willing to get a pet instead, which doesn't say a whole lot about how ready you, yourself, are for parenting. (Dogs and cats are ALWAYS available at your local animal shelter.)
Can you share why your mother wouldn't be happy with your choice to have another baby? I can guess...who is taking care of this one? Who is providing for the expenses, now and in the future? Who is parenting, other than yourself?
Have you taken time to understand just why you are wanting a second baby right now? Those needs should be clearly identified, understood and dealt with. Rather than speculating on what they might be, I would suggest you consult a licensed counselor to explore this and to help resolve your unmet needs.
When you are REALLY ready, then would be the time to consider having a second child. And what does this mean? It means being able to provide a home, including financial means, nurturing, education, preferably both long term , committed parents, and more. Start with putting any baby's needs first, above your own.
Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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I think it's too early because you have only been in a committed relationship together for 4 months. That's likely what is troubling him and thinking things could happen too early in the relationship and wants to be secure with you and know it's the right time to consider it again. He didn't say no to you which is good but he did say not at this moment. That's a positive thing because he may eventually.
If the toddler isn't his and he's never been a father maybe he's not keen because he feels he's not ready to offer a child all he/she needs or be a good parent. Perhaps he doubts himself and certainly not you considering how long he has been in your life.
I know that you really want another child but if you make sure you have the finances and proper environment and established relationship that it would be better then.
I don't think you need to get "rid" of the feeling you want a baby but rather realize that when it's right it's likely to happen and something you need to keep discussing and feeling 100% on the same page about. It's a huge commitment and life changing one. Keep the dialogue open.
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I don't know if the toddler is his child and that can give a few different answers depending. I know a woman in her early forties who always wants a baby but kept it to 3 she birthed and a 4th is her step daughter. However she is not seriously entertaining having a child even if its still possible. So I know some women have this and I call it, overabundance of maternal or nurturing states.
A tiny bit of women do not have this maternal/nurturing instinct and one of my daughters is like that. So its not learned. It is just part of her to begin with. What I can say is that this is a
nurturing part of your personality that will come out in different ways. For example, I am very good at talking to and entertaining young children and love helping them make crafts and teaching them things. I also like working with a garden, weeding, planting new things all the time, watering, nutrients, and that is nurturing too. I suppose it could lend to working with animals in some way.
I hope you understand that there is nothing wrong with you, the feelings can be considered normal but we mustn't fixate on just getting pregnant but will the child have a father figure their entire life? will you financially be able to take care of two children? The expenses do go up and for most financially strapped young families, that little bit is enough to break you. So find a way to direct your urges in a way other than trying to become pregnant. Take precautions because if the bf says no and you are pregnant, he may leave you for trying to force him as he would likely see it.
About urges, every healthy male and female even if in a committed relationship, can appreciate the look of a strangers body or face or both as you cross paths once. And we might feel chemistry on our part at least and though we might be sexually attracted, we don't have sex with every person that brings that urge up. We curb our urges. So as with the urge to have a baby, you need to curb it and one thing you can do is say to yourself everytime the urge comes up, "Please don't bring up the urge to have a baby. I need to focus on my first one and I have plenty of time, not right now. Something like that. Your subconscious will hear and you need to repeat it often at first but soon you'll find that the urge isn't there every day now. It stills pops up, you're maternally inclined, but you make the conscious thought that you will again someday have another.
Now, is there a reason the bf isn't your husband yet? Lots of young men aren't ready for that type of commitment. At least not until they hit 30 or early thirties. Without knowing his level of commitment to you, I cant say your future is secure for sure. Right now, you have one child, having a 2nd one and then something happens. All of a sudden you're a single mom of two. Thats much harder than a single mother of one. The best thing I can say is to take your time and think out every possible scenerio for your situation. If of all the ideas, serious and silly, you don't find enough that you feel as really possible for you, then what ever it is you want,better stop that dream now. Well, this is it and I hope all goes well.
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