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I dread seeing my friend every day. What should I do?
Hello. I am 17 and a female. I'm reaching a point where I do not know what to do in this friendship that I'm in anymore. She is 18. I dread seeing her everyday. It's a long distance friendship, so it would be quite easy to break off. She's very clingy and possessive, while I am distant and need time alone.
I have known her for around 3 years. She will say things like, "I get out of bed for you", or, "you will never find a friend like me again." She has attempted for those 3 years to get me to be in a serious relationship with her even though I am obviously uncomfortable and decline her advances. I am not interested in the same gender, and I am not interested in her either. She also needs constant reassurance that I don't hate her. I'm reaching a point of no return and I do not want anything to do with her anymore. I don't hate her, I like her. I just tend to have more bad times than good times. If anybody could give me their opinion on this, I would be very grateful.
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I am a strong believer in self preservation as a top priority. This relationship is not healthy, not good for you in multiple ways. You already know that you don't want to continue it, so what is holding you back from breaking away? If you are feeling obligated or guilty, consider , again, that your primary obligation, here, should be to yourself. Your clingy and possessive friend will , in time, find someone else to lean upon , as people like this always do. Since you are long distance, I'm assuming that your contacts are electronic, and therefore easier to end. Do it. She will be hurt, angry, resentful, etc. She may try to convince you otherwise.She may even threaten you, or to harm herself, if she is that disturbed. If you can stick to your guns, avoid getting involved in lengthy explanations or defending yourself or rebutting her attempts to change your mind, you'll be best off. Be brief, be courteous, be completely clear that you have moved on, no particular explanations needed, especially if they lead to endless re-engagement. Then, make a full and complete break. You may have to take steps to avoid further electronic communications, e.g., changing your contact info, but that's what one has to do these days, if needed. So! Good luck, stick to your plan, be quick and firm, and good wishes, now on with your life ! ~Dr. Stephanie
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Hi I feel like I know how you feel. I also want to leave a friendship which I dread to talk to or even text. I think you should leave the friendship if you feel like you can approach her about how you feel and you think that she will try to understand you go for it. If not I suggest to leaving the friendship whether that be completely cutting her off of jus simply telling her you don't want to be friends anymore. I believe that people friends or not should respect that some people just don't want to talk everyday. I feel that same way I need my space. Then again I am also struggling with a friendship of my own and don't know what to do but if you feel that my advice is the advice you need then ill be happy that I can help you with your friendship.
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The thing with this friend is that she os clingy and telling you that she's the best friend you'll ever have is because she's not convinced herself.
She lacks confidence and it's likely because she has been ditched by a lot of people for irritating behaviour she can't see that she is doing. You need to confirm that you don't hate her. Once you have done that explain that you can't always hang out when she wants to or always be there but will include her as a friend. She should get it from that.
Also, in a tactful way tell her why you think she's floundered socially and what behaviours she doesn't know she has that turn people off and how to work on them. You'll be doing you and her a big favour if you do.
You don't have to be friends with anyone you don't want to. If you are sure after 3 years that this friendship isn't working you have the right to move on.
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