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teenage granddaughter shutting me out suddenly
My soon to be 13 year old granddaughter who I had a very close relationship, has in the last months not returned my text messages and seems to not want to spend time with me. Her father, my son, says she is into her friends and phone, which I totally understand, but totally shutting me out of her life is hurtful. What should I do?
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ITs her age, isn't it. She probably is doing just what her father described, being more into her friends and avoiding adults. That's so normal for her age ! Do not take it personally, therefore. As the poem says, "leave her alone, and she'll come home, wagging her tail behind her!" Eventually, she'll welcome you back into her life on some level, perhaps not as she once did when she was a child. And you should take that extra time and energy and apply it elsewhere, rather that dwelling on hurt feelings and loss. Volunteer with other children,if you like ! Good luck and good wishes, time's a-wasting! ~Dr. Stephanie
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I wonder when she received her own cell phone because if it was long before she stopped responding, then having a cell phone did not change her habits. Find out and talk to her mother. Although not your blood relation, she is female and more likely to give you all the answers you want and help as well. Before the age of 25, almost all humans struggle with the affects of having a prefrontal lobe of brain that is not mature yet, unlike their body that has bloomed into or is in process of changing to its adult form. So teens already have a hard time with decision making and any other things that this part of the brain covers. Teens are more apt to just go after whatever provides the reward they want. It could be that before now, friends were important but not so important that she would exclude people from her life that are not a peer. It may be up to her Mom to share something with her that might help her to make a better decision and make time for you.
In my time on here, I have read from teens who feel guilty because a grandparent has passed on and they feel guilt of not having spent more time with the grandparent. This guilt happens even if the teen has spent time with but thinks it should have been more, as well as those who had no time at all for a grandparent. Once you are gone, there is no way they can make up for it. Before, they always thought they had time, not considering that it might not be a health related reason a family member dies, but a car accident or killed for being in the wrong place at wrong time. Since we never know, its better to spend time with family including grandparents while younger. Her friends will be around health wise, longer than you. All this she needs to hear. So tell her Mom whats going on and how you feel. Perhaps she knows what has changed. Also, since she is a teen now, the granddaughter may be into some new things that she doesn't think would interest someone other than another teen. Once shes talking with you again, perhaps you can follow her on an outing of her choice to do with you and next time she goes to somewhere or an activity with you that you would like to introduce her to.
Please stop with the texting. I hate when I text a question but 5 hours later get a reply. That is NOT a conversation. By then I've forgotton what I asked and have to read back over all the posted texts to know what its about. For talking to your daughter in law and grand daughter, make it a good old fashioned phone call where you have the responses immediately.
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Go directly to the source by calling her and finding out if you offended her inadvertently or her parents. I don't buy this "she's into her friends and phone" business either.
It's common decency to write back to someone especially a grandparent or answer a call if it only takes a minute or even a second to reach out.
There's something going on her and to be frank
and excuse my choice of words the explanation your son has given you is bullshit. There's a reason they are shutting you out and it's not likely your fault. I would try to address it again in a phone call not just an email to her and her parents. If that yields nothing than be frosty the next time they reach out. Then a lesson that the granddaughter and her parents need to learn will occur.
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