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My ex/ friend is starting to make me uncomfortable. 17M
For me, I've always had issues from telling crushes apart from just idk appreciating someone? Well a few months ago It turned out a friend, which I've known for a few years at this point and had an "I like her, no I don't" mentality about her, that she liked me and a close friend pushed me to try it out, so we did. It was very awkward and it turned out I didn't like her so I stopped it after a few weeks. (Bearing in mind the furthest we went was holding hands.) But now she constantly texts me things like "are you okay" if I don't reply to the group chat for a little bit, then will rant to my other friend about me ignoring her when I only reply with "yes I'm fine". Which was whatever- I pictured it as she was going through it and was just an emotional person. However, today I'm just kind of lost. She texted me 7 messages this morning (3 paragraphs) which I didn't reply straight away because I woke up and tbh how do you reply to a wall of text in the morning. When I finally read the text is was saying about how I fucked her up and I'm one of her issues and she wants to speak to me in person about it. I'll be straight, I'm not good with people are their emotions- I just sort of close up when it comes to comforting. Also, I don't really feel comfortable with her at the moment just one on one. For example, I was hanging out with her and a few others (sorry covid✌ ) and when it was time to go home me and her would usually walk together but today I got a lift because I didn't want to walk with her and she ended up having a breakdown over it. I feel like I'm kind of selfish right now. but I really don't think I'm the right person to be near her with only the 2 of us or to be speaking to her about a 3-week relationship. sorry for the spam. I really don't understand how this website works.
tldr: I and a girl used to date for a few weeks, we broke up but she keeps texting me about her mental health and I don't know how to
respond.
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The girl in question appears to have significant emotional issues and its wise of you not to continue involvement with her. She didn't get the message, however. Indeed, it appears you are being "electronically stalked" by her. If there is any way to eliminate all further contact, I'd advise you to do so. She sounds unstable, unpredictable, and at minimum, someone to avoid.
The best way to get someone to stop contacting you, other than electronic means, is to not answer them at all. Sooner or later, hopefully, she'll get the message and discontinue.
You may also need to discontinue any groups which include her.
My best direction , for you, is to make your own well being and health your top priority, let this one go by the wayside. Good luck!
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I hate to pull this card to try to explain but its true...this is happening mostly in part due to the age group and I am talking into early twenties, not like you're little kids. People are still learning and working out who they are. There's little available in a classroom setting where one can learn the do's and dont's in a relationship. Most of us learn the same way we started as babies, by copying others, at first our parents, later our peers. The problem is your peers don't know any better, therefore you have a female being totally unreasonable. Its not until age 25 or so scientists agree that the pre frontal cortex of your brain is functional and mature. Before that, a human isn't operating with all parts of brain functional. And the cortex covered things like how we feel perceived, decision making process ,ability to have compassion or placing yourself in the other persons shoes, as I call it.
With the completed frontal cortex, I will see your situations a bit different perhaps and you are doing the right thing to reach out to others. Gather more than just my view. Take all the knowledge you gain and make your own decision as to what you want to do. When I was twenty, I never thought to do the following, and I didn't until I was approaching 50 and divorced, looking for another mate. What I share next, worked for me but few young adults have the idea to even do this. It may not sound like something a teen might do and thats terrible because this is something everyone should do if they want to meet the right person.
Hint 1: Decide ahead of time what is most important to you. The biggest thing I did different was to take the attitude of being an HR manager, able to convey what the qualities of the job position for bf was or in your case, girlfriend. I let prospective people know what I was looking for. Lets say the job of dating partner might be part time and only might become full time. If applying for a job, you would want to know that right off the bat, right? It should be so in partnerships. Although at your age, there may be things you will like and things you won't like that are yet to be discovered and you will add these to your speech if they would break the deal. With a couple marrying, if one wants kids someday soon, they need to find someone as willing as them on the issue. But people don't think it important to talk, just to convince and change a persons mind later, and sometimes that is not possible. I lucked out and a sermon on Sunday got my ex thinking he wanted to have kids and we had been married six years before he agreed to it. Most women hang around asking their mates to start having kids and when the answer is no every time, at some point they want a divorce and a guy who wants kids. This stage can be skipped. If something is so important to you that it has to be spelled out or you experience a problem, then something needs to be spelled out. In your case, I would say it has something to do with the females expectations. Plus a healthy dose of the differences between males and females in their brain as to how they think. (This would apply to transgender as well) You are wanting to date to find out if you like a person or not. Girls at this age are more into dating as a status symbol, even feeling naked if there wasn't a guy walking by her side. So though it may sound stupid, next time you have a girl you want to check out, first do not use the word 'date', because females tend to believe it means you've fallen head over heels for them. So they apply everything they think should be in a good relationship, including 'the guy loves me so much he can't bear to be away from me so when I text, he'll be so hungry to hear from me that he just can't wait a second to respond. I did the same thing with adult men in their 50s, I told them I wasn't deciding yet on anyone to date, ut I would hang with them enough time for me to learn if the person sounded promising and then date a while to discover more stuff about the person or as soon as I see bad behavior, ending the relationship. I write relationship but its not one yet at this point. This is mutual association with. This you have to make clear to a girl you want to date. You should do the same with the girls bugging you now, who are thinking you've for some reason put their non existent dating relationship for you on hold. It may be after the fact, but its better late than never.
As for texting about mental health to you, it depends on what she's texting.Usually when a female tells a guy about a problem, she doesn't want him to fix it, just to listen. So listen, but if the speech is more than just complaining about an issue she has but about wanting to kill herself, at that point, all promises, vows and length of years as friends, fly out the window because if you don't say something to an adult who can schedule help from a professional, then she could become a statistic, another depressed teen who killed herself. Most depressed people have brains fully capable of producing the feel good hormones needed to deal with stress and stay out of depression. Many people are very good at hiding it. My oldest child hid it. We had a tight relationship and could talk about anything but this was never mentioned. Luckily there was never a suicide. But as an observant mom, there were no clues here. This girl may not be showing any symptoms to parents and others. You may be the only one who knows. Just ask if she's tired of it and wants to commit suicide. Ask her not to. Tell her you hope she gets better and then tell school counselor, your church pastor, or any adult you've comfortable with. If any adult doesn't take it seriously, then tell another. As for depression with no mention of suicide, you might say there are things one can do that take away depression. I can give you the detailed list if you want it. If a person tries these simple things like hugs, laughter, dancing, movement, singing, etc daily, there should be instant change. I use them myself when at the point I feel stressed. Most people do not have clinical depression which is their body born unable to create it own needed hormones to feel good. If a person used several of these ways per day, then in a week maybe sooner, the depressions is gone because you have added more of the ammo needed to deal with stress. Twisted thinking can bring a person to stress to. If a person has clinical depression meaning they require a medication of a facsimile of the hormone they can't produce, then its a sign they need to see a psychologist. People avoid that though because of hearing the voices against it saying it doesn't help and the side effects are bad. Well, those complaining are likely the ones who had nothing wrong with them in the first place. taking a medicine for something you don't need to treat is going to create problems for sure. So if you've shared ways to create more feel good hormones to replace their diminished supply, and they won't get better, its time for the school or their parents to know so they can be set up with help. In this case, you are helping even if they become angry at you. Remember that before mid twenties, their brain is compromised and unable to see things in a grown up fashion.
I know it may be hard to just speak up with these girls, but speaking and sharing is knowledge recieved and perhaps eventually the girls will learn how to approach relationships, how to hold conversation with another and so on. The more we keep inside and don't share, the longer and harder we make it on ourselves. I kept all my thoughts to myself. If I had shared how I thought about people, things, situations, and the right person eventually heard, I could have had some counseling help to work with my distorted thinking a long time ago. What I percieved as being one way was usually never right. I got a lot of things wrong about people and their intentions.
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