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She Overheard My Conversation
Hi everyone. I'm pretty sure that my neighbor "Melissa" overheard me talking about her, and now I feel bad about it. Ever since I moved here she's been asking me to do favors for her at least twice a week. It would be anything from helping her carry boxes up the stairs to doing paperwork for her job. She's not elderly or anything so I don't know why she can't do it herself. The other thing is that she doesn't care what time it is or what I'm doing, if she asks me for help she expects me to come right now. And if I don't she'll keep calling me everyday until I do it, and she'll get angry if I say no. I finally got fed up and so I called one of my friends because I just needed to vent. I was so angry. I told her that Melissa's so annoying and that I wish she would leave me alone. I said that she keeps forcing me to do stupid favors for her, and that I don't know what's wrong with her because she'll call me anytime at night. So after I got off the phone I noticed that my window was open, and I knew that Melissa was home that day. I think she heard me because she's been acting funny ever since then. She hasn't called me in over a month, which is unlike her. And she usually likes to leave her apartment door open, but now whenever she sees me walking by she'll slam the door shut. It's really awkward because we're still neighbors so I don't want her to hate me. Should I apologize? I feel bad about what I said, but at the same time I'm so happy that she finally stopped bothering me. What should I do?
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I love "Dragonfly"'s answer to you, it says it all !
This is a situation in which firm boundaries need to be made plainly clear, and so far, you are getting what you really wanted in any case.
This reminds me of a wonderful childrens' book by Dr. Seuss, called "Thidwick, the Big Hearted Moose", that's you ! He just couldn't bring himself to say know, when all the other creatures kept taking advantage of him. But read and heed how he manged, finally, to resolve the entire situation for the better!
Your neighbor isn't mentally healthy or independent. Also, she's a user, who takes advantage of others .But you will never get your message fully across or be free of her, (if this hasn't already occurred), unless you firmly stand your ground and learn how to say ,politely, but with absolute conviction, where you boundaries are. The watchword is..."No!"
So, go for it! Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie !
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Do nothing! Heck girl, by overhearing you or whatever it was, who cares, it stopped her from pestering and being a user, a leech. You do not need to apologize to her. If she were a decent human being, and want to change and improve herself, she
would acknowledge how she treated you and apologize, especially if she had no real idea she was coming across this way. But no, she had shut herself way in anger, slamming her door shut. Better hope she holds a grudge a long time. I know that sounds awful but the truth is, change must come from within with a person, a want to improve, ask for help, apologize. There aren't many who act that way. Most would do as she is currently doing. Some people eventually forget what they were upset about or distance of time makes it seem not as bad and they fall into old tricks and you could be pestered again. So if she ever does speak up and ask for something, then you could say, if you need someone to do tasks for you, may I suggest calling a Care agency to get a caregiver to do all these kinds of things for you. However if you dont qualify to get one state paid, or free to you, you can simply pay that person a monthly wage to do this work for you. You are not a pyschologist and so its not your job to help whatever may be affected in her either from childhood or later. I could make a wild guess that in her home growing up that no one showed loved with hugs, cuddles and kisses, but only by doing deeds for each other. She would then be running on a wrong impression of how people show love and care for others, because thats only one and there are 5 different ways. You can look it up yourself under 'The Five Love Languages'.
I also wonder on the turn around in leasing out your apartment and how often others leave do to avoid her. If it gets real bad and nothing works, you might ask the manager about switching you to another apartment and if they want to know why, you tell them the truth. They may want to know if no one wants to stay in the apartment, because of her behavior. After all, you moved there for a place to live, not an unpaid to do.
This type of person, no matter how they got there, is going to continue to ask for what they want and like a spoiled child throw a fit when they don't get it. What you have to do with such a person will sound mean to them and to you but giving in on one little favor will embolden them to ask more and more. You are a good caring person and I know because you feel bad about it. But your type of person is who such a user will try to stick with, because you are easy to manipulate to her will, because you are more likely to say yes, even if reluctantly, and more likely to drop whatever you were doing to get her off your back. Thankfully shes only a neighbor and not a parent or sibling like this.
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