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How to open up to my parents about bullying that went on?
I'm a 17 year old guy and this all happened 2-4 years ago (so when I was between the ages of 13-15) but recently it's been back on my mind for some reason, and I never opened up to my parents about it at the time and I'm unsure how to address it because if I bring it up now, they might get annoyed by the fact that I didn't bring it up to them at the time. The reason I didn't bring it up at the time though is because one of the people who was bullying me was formerly my best friend so my parents knew his family well, and so I thought they wouldn't believe me. But recently, it's been on my mind more again (because I've had a falling-out with another falling out with a friend recently- don't worry, nothing malicious went on there, she recently just lied about something pretty major), and I'm feeling like I need to open up to my parents about what happened with the bullying even though I know it's in the past now. I keep asking them if I can show them some stuff that's bugging me on social media, and I do show them pages that bug me and stuff like that, but really, what I truly want to talk about is the bullying I experienced but I can't quite bring myself to talk about it unfortunately.
Also unrelated, but the friend I fell out with recently (not the bully, but the female friend who lied about a very major thing), do you think we'll be on good terms again at some point? Because I'm struggling to forgive that person (who hasn't even apologized for lying)- I made a couple of mistakes, owned up to them, said sorry, but she hasn't admitted to her mistakes or apologized at all. I don't want to talk too much about what happened there though because I think that's better as its own post.
My main question is just how do I open up to my parents about the guy who bullied me? Me and him used to be best friends and my parents know his family really well, so might not believe that he bullied me, so I'm a little worried about their reactions, and if they do believe me, I'm worried they'll be annoyed that I kept it in and bottled up for so long.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
It doesn't matter how they know this person or his family. If something bad happened they're going to need to know and will trust who it's coming from--you above all. You know by this point that you can tell them anything and get helped.
The reason this is bothering you is that there's something there that really needs to be addressed that hasn't and it's gnawing at you until you say something.
How do you do it? Just tell them that so and so did X,Y, Z and why you made the mistake of not telling until now. Even write it down in a note if a conversation isn't easy (yet).
As far as the person who lied about something major goes we can't help unless we know what she did. People do drift apart no matter how long they knew one another. Also, maybe this person depending on what they did shouldn't be a part of your life and discovering this is a good thing. Will your reconcile? Perhaps with age and time or if whatever this is boils over.
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Sometimes parents are the best to go to with an issue and other times, it feels they let you down cus they just don't get it. I can't say how they will react. Part of you feeling you don't know how to approach them might possibly be your subconscious trying to tell you not to, because of how the parents have reacted all your life to you or/and others. If they are consistently always the same and its good stuff, like patience, good listening, etc instead of discounting what you say or saying things that don't help, then you should feel no fear to approach them.
On another note, there is so much taught to kids these days regarding Bullying that I am afraid that something one sees as bullying is not actually bullying. I am one like that, I had social anxiety and if someone was just trying to make a joke to get me to smile or laugh, it scared me, thinking they were picking on me, belittling, speaking mean, . . .
Now that I am an adult and looking back as one who's overcome my anxiety, my responses are laughter, catching the subtle fun poked from a stern face which joins me in laughter as they realize they made me laugh. I realize each time it happens that as a child and teen, I would have responded in silence, maybe even moving away because I thought I was being verbally bullied, long before bullying was addressed by the public and in schools. So I am only saying you may require another perspective from adults. The best choice is parents but if the parents aren't a good choice if they are irresponsible people themselves, it is best to choose another adult to talk to about it. Its not something that must be addressed only by your parents. Perhaps a school counselor, (They hear all of this kind of stuff all the time, nothings new) a favorite teacher you have chit chatted with and are comfortable with, and also perhaps the parents of a close friend whose house you are at often and who show a genuine interest in interacting with you. You know they care. This would be my first choice but any is okay. You could try many different adults to see if you get the same response each time.
There are people every day who do not tell of something that happened to them, just because of fear. Fear of not being taken seriously, or being blamed as the problem, or ridiculed. I had to learn that other peoples actions and reactions do not reflect on me, won't change me, I am in charge of my life and I need to learn to make the best decisions for myself. Heres something I learned that I found helpful in life when fearful.
I recently heard song lyrics that spoke of a leap of fear, rather than the well known 'leap of faith'. However that saying is simply incorrect. One cannot have faith about how something turns out unless you have experienced a little something to give you a little faith, enough to take the right step next time without fear. I have always felt fear, not faith when just facing and doing that which I fear. Afterwards I find it wasn't all that bad as I imagined. The mind is great at imagining the worst and fearing. But fear is like the harmless puffer fish that will blow itself up in size to scare away predators. Its in facing ones fears, taking that leap while fearful that brings on the revelation that there was nothing really to fear. Even when I don't get a favorable reaction from a friend or sibling, I will share with others and see if the majority all see things differently than my friend or sibling and then I must check it out to see why. Maybe there is something I can learn there about the way humans act, interact, ...
As for keeping things bottled up, children and teens come with a built in ability to find ways to bury any bad experiences they undergo so they can live a relatively good existence. However, by time most are young adults, and some may find it happens sooner, towards end of teen years, our minds are ready to deal with those things we couldn't handle before. Yes, this is a real thing all people do, you can do a search for scientific proof of this. So if you are 17, you did what you had to do to deal with in a non dealing way, by burying it inside deep. However once old enough to handle and learn by it for the future, your body and mind are ready to deal with it, some people will have thoughts and memories about the event pop up and not go away. This is the signal telling you to deal with it so it can go away without any hurt fear or pain to the memories. Some people react beyond thoughts but start up strange behaviors, the kind that end with the person showing up before a counselor. Its your time to share now and you have a scientific reason why. Also if they find in comparison they wouldn't feel like you, cus its to insignificant, a good answer would be to say, I am glad that such things wouldn't traumatize you but all people are different so what bothers one person won't bother another, same as what is one mans trash is another man's treasure. Hope this helps you take the next step.
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