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I’m lost: Tells me I'm the one... but he regularly talks to other girls?
I’ve been talking to a guy for about 5 months now (haven’t met yet). He constantly tells me that he’s certain I’m the one he sees a future with. Always treating us like we’re in a relationship. However, he’s regularly talking to other girls & even tells me about it. When I ask him if he wants to move on from me, he’s very firm on not letting that happen. He also has a very strong visceral reaction towards me interacting with other men. I’m not sure what I should do...
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Geez, where have I been, seeing this over a month later. Hoping you took the advice of the last person because this is trouble. He is not a male who believes in equality as far as what is okay for him is okay for you. When a guy gets upset that you even speak to any male, whether a friend, brother, cousin, etc. it is usually an indicator that he is going to be a controlling person. Some controllers have slowly cut their gf or wife off from contact with all friends and even her family so she is cut off from getting help if she wants. It also says he is competitive with other males in his mind, comparing himself and always feeling he falls short. He has self image problems, wants to be the only Alpha male around, eliminating all other Males in your life so that you don't have the opportunity to do any comparing and find him lacking. Hon, words are cheap. I heard all those sweet things from my ex too, that 'I was the one he wants to marry' 'that I look terrific when I wake up in the morning, wanting to know how I pull that off,' and other stuff like that. I was fooled, my entire family, parents included were all fooled by him. A man like this tries to find a female whom they believe is extremely weak and mild, low self image, not likely to make a stand for herself, and so on. He misread me. I was only just coming out of being shy and socially anxious. I still remember him telling me what we were going to do, him getting uncontrollably angry to the point I feared for my life and locked myself up in a bathroom for hours. I learned to never answer anything, respond to lies to defend myself because anything I said was like adding fuel to a fire. He had said he was outgoing and a people person. I know plenty of guys who saw themselves this way and I would agree. One was a former classmate I bumped into in a movie line. He was married and I was horrified to see him chew out his wife for even looking at a guy in line. Yes, they can be charming when they want to be and good at fooling most people for part of the time. Its later on they make mistakes and others see them for who they are or at least know they don't like them. I believe that is why my ex was let go from so many jobs I can't remember the number. He grew less outgoing as he saw my confidence. It irked him that he couldnt destroy me mentally. Oh the emotions were hurt and damaged, but I didn't become the unrecognizable tortured women that many abused women become. I had my faith and believe God helped to keep me sane. This little bit of my back story is to let you see how bad it can get. I made excuses in my mind for him for most of marriage. He's just stressed from work. The kids were too noisy, etc. It is easy to think that a guys concern about you is cute and protective but even men who are professionals in this type of psychology issue even know that if a male does what yours is doing, it is as loud a symptom of something really bad and wrong as yellow pus in a wound is. You do not want to mess with him. The reason he keeps up talking about a future with you is because he keeps seeing in you, a female who is weak and breakable and easy to mold into what he thinks he wants. YOu're a step ahead of where I was, I didn't reach out and I was too naive. You are questioning this, reaching out for opinions and advice, and I expect you are no where near how naive I was. I wish you the best dear.
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Red Flags everywhere! Do not get invested in this guy. Move on. You haven’t even met and yet he is already being possessive when he hears that you are talking to other guys. However, he not only does the same thing but tries to test you and make you jealous by telling you. You should never have to fight for someone, especially at the beginning of a relationship. That should be when things are the easiest. It will only get harder from here on out.
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