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Ex toxic jealous friend
I have an ex jealous toxic friend who's trying to ruin my life, recently she's trying to steal my friendship group and replace me in my own friend group. There’s this girl, let’s call her X, she’s -okay she was bullied for her looks. When I first met her no one in my school wanted to be her friend. I thought it was just because of her looks but I would soon find out that I was wrong. I thought she was beautiful and didn’t care about looks, and nor do I still.
I decided to be her friend, not out of pity for her but because I geniuinely wanted to be her friend she was happy and I introduced her to my friend group. My friendship group consisted of My best friend, (let’s call her A) i had known her for 8 years, my second best friend with whom i had a lot in common with (let’s call her b ) and my other friend who was close friends with A, so we just hit it off (let’s call her C) So me, A, B and C would hang out everyday with eachother and then X joined us so we would hang out as well, one day we were drawing anime as a reward in our English class and me , B and X were in the same class, me and B were talking about a book (we’re bookworms)and B made a funny joke, and then next thing i knew a rubber (eraser if your american) was thrown HARD in my face, X said I was laughing at her drawing , but I said that i was just laughing at B’s joke, she didn’t take that, and scowled at me for the remaining time of the lesson. I didn’t speak to her for a few days, untill i gave in and forgave her. I was an idiot .
The next school year,(y8 ) a new person was introduced in our friend group (let’s call her D), D didn’t speak english and just moved to uk, so A was the only one in our year who could speak her language so she hung around with us because of A, now you need to know that C, and D, D especially are very nice to people, they are soo sweet and don’t like being rude, whereas me, A and B would tell people who we know are toxic to go away, anyway so since D couldn’t speak english she didn’t really know what was going on with me and X, this academic year, X got bullied a lot but wouldn’t tell the teachers so I decided to tell the teacher for her, the bullying stopped for a few days but then started again, so one day she came to our table and sat down angry and upset, I calmly asked her if she was okay but she yelled in my face and threw a juice carton in my face. I felt humilated and extremely upset, but i brushed it off as always thinking she was just very upset and that it was not her fault but mine. I noticed after that that A and B were very wary of her and A constantly told me that she was a bad friend, I thought A and B were just misunderstanding her, since i knew x the best, so i ignored it (could i get anymore stupid).
So the next academic year (Y9), I became even more clever in my studies basically got into top set for every subject except maths, I was in set 2 for maths and excelled extremely in academics, I think X was jealous of that fact and since I hit puberty that year, I became much much prettier (I was told that by other people btw, im not saying that myself) , x became extremely jealous of me and treated me like dirt, I was confused since I hadn’t done anything to her but also brushed it off AGAIN, but A wasn’t having any of it, this was also the year that D, became fluent in english and since she literally came from another country and wasn’t really smart because of the country change, and I was super smart in academics I helped her and we became closer. Anyway so A repeadetly told me, and she told me how X was jealous of me, since I was pretty, smart and my family were richer than hers (her dad was unemployed), after several weeks of X treating me like dirt, I had enough and broke off my friendship with her, she told everyone that I betrayed her, i let it go because she didn’t really have any friends anyway. I noticed then that, the reason she would get bullied is not because of her looks, people were ready to be her friend despite her physical flaws, but that she would make harsh comments about people. When we started school, she literally yelled at everyone for no reason and insulted them, that’s why she didn’t have any friends In maths, I sat next to her and she would do horrible things, make horrible remarks and yk shove me hard in the corridors so that i would have bruises on my shoulder, she would try talk to me but I ignored her (im more of a silent treatment person). I didn’t tell A, B, C or D this because A had a crush on thiss guy but he screenshotted all of A and his’s private messages and showed the whole school and so A was pretty upset. then corona hit and we all had to go home and yk everyone knows what happend then. So i went on one of my old pinterest accounts and since X and B both like Anime, i got confused between the two accounts and messaged X instead, she asked me why i messaged her and that i betrayed her and i was a horrible person etc, so i got angry with x and literally named all the reasons why i wasn’t her friend and that SHE betrayed me, she apologised and begged me for a second chance, but i told her we were never meant to be friends and that we should stay on our own seperate paths and focus on GCSE’s
Ok so now in september we started a new academic year (year 10) but because of corona it was a little hard, X ignored us, except for when she made rude comments about me in attempt to get my attention and we did the same (to ignore her not be rude to her) although i noticed C, and D talked to her a little but i knew it was because they were too nice to tell her to go away. X would always scowl at me, A, B C and D whenever we would hang out. So like the week before half-term, i had to self-isolate because someone i sat next to got corona and the day I wasn’t in school I heard from A that X hung out with A, B, C and D when i wasn’t there,she first asked my friends if I wasn’t there and then proceeded to hang out with them i was angry and upset. She hangs out with MY best friends the second im not there and copies everything I usually do, my posture, my laugh and my quirkiness. A told me that she and B were a little uncomfortable and tried to keep their distance from her, but C and D were too nice to tell her to go away. I was furious, and since D was the only one online at the time, i asked her why" why did she hang out with x" she was confused and i remembered that she didn’t speak English when it happened and when it did i didn’t tell D specifically because i was too busy helping her with academics. I told D everything and she promised to stay away from X. I then went on snapchat where we had a group chat which consisted of me A, B, C and D and broke down and I asked everyone why, they hung around with X behind my back, i told them EVERYTHING, every single detail that she did ( i can’t write every bad thing x did otherwise it would be too long on here, but she was just very toxic). They apologised and admitted they didn’t know eveything i just told them but promised to stay away from her. I also told them that its either her or its either me (ik it was a little harsh but i was very angry at the time), One thing you should know is that me and A are the glue of this group, we created the friendship group, so everyone chose me over X. That day that x hung out with A, B c and D was the last day of the first half term meaning we had a school holiday for a week and just came back to school now I feel as if X is trying to replace me in my own friendship group, and A and B even think that as well.
Even though A, B ,C and D told me that im unreplacable i still have this feeling, X tries so hard to be like me, she wants my life, and shes trying to replace me, im just scared, what lengths would she go to to replace me in my friend group especially since i may have to self-isolate again" And she could easily manipulate, C and D against me since they’re both so naiive.
So we’re in the same spanish class and like so here’s just a taste of what happens, this is what happened yesterday: So, we had double spanish today like 4 hours long, because of corona we have longer lessons and Like EVERYTHING i said X was saying something really mean about it Like I was like 'Sir, what's the time"' and she was like 'Why does she need to know the time she's so dumb.' and i was like 'Sir i'm done' because I finished earlier than everyone and she was like 'Ew, she acts like we actually care.' and like I can't write everything on here because she said a lot but she would say something after EVERY sentance I said and like so we have like 16 desks in our classroom and they go along in 4 rows and columns and so im on the 3 rd row and x is on the 1st row and there is this really nice popular girl, who's also nice to X and we don't sit next to anyone because of social distancing but her row is in between mine and X And we were working together and X got even more mad than that And then I went to the toilet halfway through the lesson to redo my hair and stuff yk girls touching up and then when I came back that popular girl who I was working with stopped talking to X at that momment beccuase yk we were working together and she said in a really nice way 'Oh your back now, Haii!' and then X looked me up and down, gave me a jealous look then changed that look into a scowl and she was even more ruder after that and like so we were translating sentences into english and sir told us the last part of the sentance and I was like 'Wait, sir how does that make sense tho"' and she was like 'What does she mean how does it make sense" Oh My God she's so dumb she doesn't even have a brain , she doesn't even derserve a brain, like oh my god shes soo ffing dumb!' and some girls around me looked a little upset for me But i just brushed it off, and I was trying so hard not to cry and it got even worse And then I went outside after school and D was standing there and we were looking for A, B and C and then I saw C and whilst she was looking for A and B i rested my head on her shoulder and in a small voice I said 'I want to cry.' and then I just broke down and I cried and D was the first to notice and she was like to C 'Is she okay, I think she's crying"' and then B came and then I cried my eyes out even harder and all my friends were really worried for me and were asking me what happened and then A came out and then they called her and I told them everything and then B, who's a very confrontational and a little agressive type wanted us to go to X but I advised her agaainst it because she was probably gone anyway And after a few minutes of me crying they forced me to tell everything to my head of year and B said, 'Why are you trying to protect her" Why are so nice to her even though you know how much she hurts you"' and I was trying not to break down when I told the head of year, and she was like 'come to me tommorrow early in the morning and remind me to speak to her, because its not your fault and girls like these need to be dealt with.' and I was trying not to break down when I told the head of year, So I guess I feel a little better
by crying eveyrthing since y9 out And since I was crying REALLY REALLY hard, my friends know how bad X has hurt me and will never dare to go near her even C and D, because they love me so much in that way (loving me in friends way) And I don’t know what to do, because this girl thinks I have the perfect life, that I have a big house, amazing friends, amazing loving, supportive parents and everyone is so nice to me and likes me and Im so smart and that I’m so pretty, and this sounds so much like bragging im so sorry but its what she thinks and she wants to ruin my life in every possible way. What should I do and what if after the teachers speak to her, she still doesn’t learn" I don’t want to say anything to her an dI haven’t said A WORD to her since I ended our toxic friendship, and I'm too hurt to approach her and speak to her, my wounds are still bleeding.
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People during their childhood and teen years tend to be more concerned with what others think of them, worry about being liked, and so on. I remember those years cus I also had social anxiety back then and no confidence. Then these same people grow into adults and during their adult life are nothing at all like when younger. I am now the social butterfly and at last HS. Reunion, got to witness how most people had become more friendly, didn't pick on others as when kids and only about 5 people I saw that night had not changed, were still insecure and just stood by themselves or just one friend. I went up to everyone and talked to them a while, even those who were still withdrawn as adults. What I am saying is that perhaps in 10 years, X will be a much nicer person as she grows out of the insecurities she has and how badly she deals with them. Or she may be that small percent who never change and/or are troubled their whole life.
Then there is one more possible scenario for how X singles you out but from what I have read, does treat others this way too. They just don't get the full treatment since they avoid her.
Her acting up could be a silent cry for help. Or a subconscious one, things she isn't quite aware of but other things would be glaring. Her Dad out of work is recent but thats what you were told. It could be much worse. Her parents may fight all the time, ignore her and her needs, she isnt hated but doesn't receive any love either, she worries when bills can't be paid and she has to do without the frills, like even going to a movie, her Dad might not be out of work but a lazy man who chooses not to work, putting the pressure on Mom to earn what is needed. So Mom has no energy left for X. It can get even worse, pressure to make friends and bring them home, maybe she is verbally abused at home. If she knows how to really verbally hurt people, she's only trying to get rid of what is bottled up inside and doesn't get it that she's doing to you what is being done to her because thats all she knows. I am sure she's figured out now that the majority of people are not like that, but her parents are and so she may even resent or hate them. But no child wants to ask for help when theres an issue with their parents that is harmful to them socially, psychologically, mentally or physically because they fear that a child protective agency may step in and they fear losing their parents and home, even if its hell. It could be any of these guesses of mine or none. Its not your job to be her counselor and straighten out her life and whatever is causing her to be this way but some one needs to check it out and check her out and see what is really going on. You mentioned the problem to the leader of your year, an adult. I was going to suggest that. You should also mention it to each teacher if that person doesn't. In private, ask your teachers to pay attention to what she says and does because of her targeting you to offload vicious comments and action against you. I am surprised that not one teacher has said anything to her already. They can not be able to say they never heard her, and that is disruptive behaviour, not a child or teen being childish as many will be. It is not normal anymore.
Its not a couple months of her acting troubled but it has been years and years. No one will think its as bad as you say because as police will tell you, there is no paper trail, no previous comments or reports from you detailing the problem with her. It works the same if an adult were being harassed. They can't put up with it and only call police when its gotten so bad it pushed them to ask for help. If someone is stalking a women, and the current report is not the only one but police can look back at their reports and see you have reported the man multiple times, then they can see there is a pattern. Thats when they haul the person in. Either they have to get a psychiatric evaluation and if thats not their issue, they can spend time in jail.
It could be that X has skated through all these years without a single teacher feeling she has a problem that needs to be addressed. She will need counseling for sure if her family is the problem or be taught skills how to relate to people normally. Again, you are not the one to teach her, not your circle of friends, and not anyone attending the school. She must receive the kind of help or at least teaching on how to properly act and that must come from a professional trained to do this kind of work. All a friend can do is sympathize. And that will not help her or change how her mind thinks. And that could be the only thing that is the problem here. If you have been to her home and gotten a glimpse of her home life and what her parents are like, then its possible to know if there are problems at home affecting her. Trouble kids in classroom usually have parents with problems and being a problem child is the only way to get attention.Children learn early on that bad attention is better than none at all but you're still unhappy.So its possible that X is using the same tactic with her peers trying to gain attention from kids at school, to make friends. Jealousy could play into this, but singling you out may have more to do with the fact you have tried to be a friend to her, one of the few students she feels comfortable enough needling, because you made yourself part of her life, just as her parents, maybe even siblings, are part of her life. So you may get the treatment she wishes she was brave enough to give her parents or maybe she's simply out of habit and not knowing anything else, treating you the way her family treats her. There are some very dysfunctional families out there. One gal said shse grew up with a toxic Mom who was always making cutting remarks and telling her how ugly she was, how dumb she was. WHo knows if thats what is really going on. I don't think a desire to split up your friend group is her ultimate goal. She had a very low self esteem and is not confident as I can relate to her hearing you laugh and thinking it was laughing at her. I always felt people were trying to be mean to me but in reality I had no idea, they were just good naturedly teasing to see if they could be-friend me. I would tell the parents if I were you. They love you and things like this, are important for them to know. I know I cared enough to hear my kids out and one time my oldest said her best friend stole a top out of her room when over last cus she saw her taking it and she had no idea what to do at the time and said nothing. But it bothered her, and it was a favorite top. So it was important to me to help her find a solution that works with her friend. And the fact I knew and helped, brought an end to that issue. Dont tell the parents as if its happening just now but that its been going on for years. Girls get sadder and meaner when going through puberty and that is natural, picking on those females closest to you, Mom, sis, best friend. But in X's case, it isn't recent, but a history and your parents need to know now and who you talked to at school so that if nothing changes for the better, they can step in and talk to the adults at school. No, it isn't the wrong way to do it, it shouldnt even be embarrassing because sometimes it takes an adult intervening or the right ones, to make things better and fix any problems. It takes parents who are willing to go outside their comfort zone and talk to school officials. Last time a child of mine felt they were being picked on by the kid across the table at school, I asked her to point out the child and then asked that child if they didnt mind us walking home with him because I'd like to meet his parents. I wasnt thinking my daughter was right, it was possible she was just taking things wrong as I had when I was young. I could sense this boy was a good kid. At the door I introduced ourselves and both parents were home. They invited me in and told them what my daughter was saying and that I figured nothing bad was going on, just things taken wrong on her part. They asked the kids to go play and the kids saw me being friendly with his parents and they played as friends too. There was no problem after that. I visited my new friends sometimes, but the kids become buddies at school too, having to endure teases that they were bf and gf but that didn't bother them. So I am just saying that even in your case, your parents need to know whats been going on and how long and with all details you shared here. They need to know the stress of it got so bad you that you had one hard crying session if not more. At least I've given you some ideas of what might be going on, so you dont think its something you did wrong. If you didn't know how to socialize with your peers, you wouldn't have the loving caring friends in your circle....so I'm pretty sure theres nothing you've ever done to warrent being treated this way. You can avoid her outside of school but if you have her in classes, you cant keep her at a distance. The teachers if they know, are at fault for doing nothing and ignoring it, hoping it will go away....yeah maybe in 5 or 10 years, and then its still a maybe. It must be resolved now. You can't try being friends until she had gotten some counseling help. If anything, if you want to, let her know that you would be her friend in the future if she can show she has changed and knows how to treat her peers nicely. You are only trying to protect yourself, so tell her not to give up hope but to apply herself to any help offered to her by adults because until she does improve, you will stay at a distance and not be around her. She needs to know its not over 100% or she has no goal to look forward to. T eens are goal and reward oriented so knowing you mean business and would be a friend if she changed, that could eventually help her want to get better. Until she has that want, its not going to happen.
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