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Driving: I refuse to start until my parents can prove to me that they will treat me like older kid
I am 16 years old, (almost 17), and I am really sad that I haven't started driving yet, but I refuse to start until my parents can prove to me that they will treat me like older kid when I start driving. They make me walk my dog with my 13 and 11 year old siblings (yes it's true), and they make me sit in the backseat of the car so my 13 year old sibling can get the front seat over me (again, yes you read that correctly), all while claiming that they'll be just as fair as any other parent when their kid starts driving. I also have a job, so how can I make sure they will trust me with a car (that I will pay for) when I start driving?
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I think you meant treated as a teen instead of older child. Your siblings are the 'older kids. At 18 one is considered an adult. I don't know how good or bad your parents raised you in preparing you to be an adult but most parents forget this crucial part. This means it is up to you to learn how to be an adult and handle everything. Some kids do just that, getting emancipated by a judge from their parents and relying only on their self for everything including a place to rent, paying their utilities, cable, wi fi, food cell bill and much much more. So take whatever time you have left, where the parents will allow you to still live there, and continue to pay for your upkeep and start studying on what it takes to be an adult. By adult, I mean a grown mature person, making responsible decisions. Such an adult isn't into giving ultimatums or throwing tantrums like a child, they learn how to hold back insults or cutting remarks, and instead offer compliments and any words that support and build up a person. Yes, you will see plenty of adults acting like children because just this little example of being an adult, they fail at miserably. Can't blame it on the parents once you are an adult, at that point it becomes your concern and if you don't learn to drive until you are 8, then so be it. I know of others, including one of my daughters that didnt learn until they were 19 and the insurance goes down the older you get so thats a plus. It is hard for any parent to trust that their child will drive safely and never have an accident. I had one as a teen, driving to church youth group in fact. I was changing lanes, and had checked but the other car was in my blind spot and back corner of my car got him but there wasn't any damage to see. I was not a reckless teen. Some of these things you learn by experiencing them. I now speed up a little after checking to change lanes just in case there is a car in my blind spot because that will make them visible. At least I learned from that. But parents had to pay more insurance because of my error. And in this economy, money is tight so your parents may be putting this off because they don't want to be involved paying for insurance. If you will buy your own, youll have to pay insurance, title fees, gasoline, repairs and that is hard when just starting out. You come from a generation that no matter what the parents teach you, your peers will follow more closely the examples of what they see others do, in the news, any media, classmates, people in general in society and most adults I see and get to know well enough, I find have something critical missing, at least one thing. And most of those who were outgoing in school were faking it cus at reunions, I have seen past classmates who did not know how to talk to people, start conversations, a fear of people, lack of confidence was really big, even a couple years back for them at age 47 48. You don't want to end up there. Just focus on improving yourself a little every day, learn by mistakes, stop complaining and find things to be grateful about. There will always be someone less fortunate than you. As in the case when high schools were just starting to bring in computers and students could sign up to stay after school to do their homework on computer if they didn't have one of their own. I had a daughter who told me that all her friends had a computer of their own. She was the oldest and didn't like having to share one of Dads older business computers he gave to the kids. So she had to share with 2 younger siblings, but she did have access to a computer that was 1/3 hers. I believed her statement and when those friends were over at our house next, I told them how lucky they were to have their own computers. Both told me they had to share one computer with their parents to do homework on and couldn't even use it for fun. They had no idea why I thought they had their own. I didn't say. One didn't have a computer at home either and all of them said how lucky my daughter was to have access to one that was just for the kids. So my daughter tried to make me believe she was in worse shape than her friends when in actuality she was in a better situation than all of them. She simply felt entitled to have one of her own. You have been called that and I'm sure you dont like it one bit. What I see as one of the problems contributing to so many kids believing they are owed special treatment or things lots of older folks call entitled. I happen to know that our brains at your age are not fully developed and mature adult thinking brains, not until you reach your mid twenties as scientists will back up. Don't believe me, research it online. To be exact, its the frontal lobe developement that is the slowest and without, its why so many teens have trouble thinking things out, making bad decisions and so on. If you research, look up frontal lobe development in teens. So until you are mid 20s, you will need to use some adults you trust, if not the parents, as a sounding board to pass your ideas/possible decisions by to get other viewpoints that your brain is simply not yet able to make. So while you may be an adult, you really are not out of the woods until mid 20s. So the hard thing for you will be believing or trusting anything I or any other adult tells you, but we've lived longer, made the same silly dumb mistakes and only wish to help the younger crowd now avoid having to live the same mistakes. Don't take it out on the parents with your emotions. If you feel you should be able to drive, do as suggested, and study the drivers manuel, call around and get ball park figures on what it costs for a 17, or 18 yr old to drive, lets say an older car. I would suggest a used car in good condition so in case it gets damaged in an accident, whether its the other driver or you, the cost to fix is less, and you have to think the same if its totaled. My first car I bought after HS by working and saving up and I was living with parents and gave them some money for food and a little towards utilities. I bought mine used. I hope this all has helped give you some better perspective.
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You sound entitled. I'm being blunt here because you're acting like they owe you something you haven't earned yet. They don't have to prove themselves to you over anything. It's the other way around. If you want to be treated like a grownup you have to consistently deliver in your actions and decision making.
An adult won't care where they sit in the car. They may have a preference but are not going to be at odds with an 11-year-old and 13-year-old kid. They'll give up the seat knowing that it's no worth disputing and the destination is the same.
Also, refusing to start learning how to drive and not studying the guides or applying for a learner's license if eligible isn't hurting them any but is you. You could show them you are an adult by doing that much and working hard towards a goal ie being able to contribute to car payments.
It's the silent things we do to earn trust and not what we overtly do to get attention that makes parents extend trust. You have to continually work for it sincerely and it will be given to you. Parents can see when it's false or being done to get something from them and don't like it.
You have to stop expecting or thinking you're owed all this trust or aren't getting your fair share because they can sense you feel entitled to something they need you to earn. Prove yourself to be an adult in the ways above.
You're supposed to walk your dog and doing so takes responsibility for him/her or something else. You're also setting an example to your younger siblings about caring for something other than self. That's not too much of anyone to ask.
The thing is your parents probably do trust you on some level and feel they are being fair but that you're wanting too much from them. Your other issue is with your siblings and what attention you think they should or shouldn't receive.
In short, study a drivers handbook and get your permit to learn and be set to go. That shows to your parents you're making adult decisions and should be trusted more. Do things without being asked re: dog and get along with your siblings. Give up the seat if need be. Also, put aside that money which you'll all be proud of later.
Understand that 11 and 13-year-old kids are that just kids and that as an adult though you may not like something they do that you don't make an issue or worse fight out of it. Let your parents discipline and choose the arrangement. In the end if you do these things with sincerity and not for show or to get anything in particular you'll find yourself with another level of respect having earned it correctly.
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