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Argument Over Fixing the Internet
I'm 19/f. We recently had a storm and it knocked out a lot of people's internet. My friend called me and asked if I can come over and fix her internet for her. She used to be my roommate so I usually helped her fix things in the apartment, but I never set up someone's internet before and I really didn't know how to do it. I told her that I can't, and that maybe she should call the cable company so they can send out a technician. She then asked if I can call the cable company myself and let them walk me through it so that I can fix it. But this sounded ridiculous to me because I didn't want to touch the wires and mess things up even more, and I also felt like she could call them herself, so I told her I couldn't do it. She kept begging me, but I told her several times that I didn't know how to fix it. Eventually she gave up and she hung up the phone on me. After that, I didn't hear from her for over a week, which is strange because she usually calls me almost everyday. I called her and she didn't answer, she just texted back saying she was busy and she'll call me later. I think she's mad at me, but I don't think it's my fault that I couldn't fix it. I also think she takes advantage of me sometimes. When I tell her no she usually argues with me until I say yes. I wish she would just appreciate all the things I did for her in the past instead of being mad at me. What should I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I agree that you were likely pushed and continually asked the same thing because in the past you must have shown some indication that you are a pushover, and won't stand up for yourself, or you would eventually cave in if bugged long enough. I have a relative or two who only think of me when they have a problem they need help with, but never when things are going smoothly. There are people who will never spend time with you, turn down your invites, avoid you totally until they need something and then all of a sudden they act like you are their best friend. This is what is called a 'User'. Sure she's mad at you, more likely that no matter how hard she tried, you didn't do as she asked or more to the point, directed and ordered you to do. A person like this is not likely to remember anything you did for her in the past and love you for it. She's only living for the moment and what you can do for her right now! I hate to disillusion you but this is not a friend. You can choose who you are friends with and at some point, she will no longer be your friend when she finds others who will follow her wishes, drop everything and do for her as if she was their Queen and you a maid in her household. It is much harder if its a family member. You can fear losing a friend. Losing family is harder. My oldest child was something like that, never heard from her until she had a need. She had mental illness and cut off all family so no one knows how shes doing. My other kids call both just to chat and get updates on each others lives but also when they want to share a problem and get my take on it or advice. So its not a bad thing to ask for help. Your supposed friend though is a manipulator which was obvious when she turned what you suggested into you having a tech come to your place, watch ad learn and repeat for her, of course at no cost to her. It may be in your personality or even in your sun sign to be a person who wants to help others, no matter what it is or when or if you are inconvenienced simply because you care and the person is truly a real friend. You need to spend some time thinking about what a real friend is and reading up on the subject if theres anything out there because nows the time to learn how to tell whos a friend and who is not because you will someday wish to have a long term/life long partner and you will want someone who can be a true friend, even your best friend as well as lover. People go for that lover part and forget finding someone who is also a best friend. It is very possible. My second husband is my best friend.
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Some friend! If she's mad at you over this and tries to manipulate you to do what she wants you're in big trouble. She knows she can get you to do anything and that she can walk all over you. That's not what a friend does.
People will continue and not just her to take advantage of you until you dig your heels in and stick to the word NO. You are better off without people like this but it seems evident you're holding on to her for some reason.
I would ignore her for a bit and if she comes around tell her that she's a lousy friend and that you will not allow yourself to be manipulated anymore into doing anything you don't want to. Make sure she gets that. Tell her going further that if you say NO to any situation that either she accept that or find someone else to take advantage of.
You need to stand up for yourself for once and have your roar heard that you're not going to be messed around. Next about the Internet tell her "Do I look like I work for Verizon or something? I'm not a technician and I'm not going to blank around and make it ten times worse. Tell her to call her own technician and listen on the phone for what to do.
I have a feeling this person has had everything done for them their whole life by parents and doesn't know how to handle anything that comes up. She's not mature. She's content on relying on others to do or get what she wants. There's a reason you don't live with her anymore. She's a pill and has zero idea of that.
Nothing here is your fault for saying NO and that you can't fix something you know nothing about. If she can't see past that I would end the friendship as dealing with her will be a constant challenge.
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